[Zehla]

Well, not my genetic family. My boyfriend of 6 years' brother to be exact. I do not want to help him. I want him away from me. This may sound cruel, I've noticed this forum is more sympathetic towards disorders, but since he got it in his head that he should do everything in his power to end our relationship, it has been absolute HELL. I only wish to understand him so that I can convince my boyfriend that YES, there is something VERY WRONG WITH HIM, and he needs to be kept FAR away from me.

It is also my belief that he has SEVERE OCD because every time something is even slightly off-kilter he has a tantrum that would put toddlers to shame. If he doesn't get his way it's like an episode of Sweet Sixteen.

One thing I know of severe OCD is that the sufferer cannot be reasoned with whatsoever. And once they decide to get rid of the object that is disrupting their life, they will not stop until it is eliminated - even if it is a human being. Which brings me to why I don't want him near me EVER: if I wasn't in the picture his brother would still be within mooching distance and he would have gotten away with a LOT more things. He wants me gone, and he doesn't care how I'm gone. Unfortunately our justice system in the states won't allow restraining orders for people who make you fear for your life unless they make a physical threat. This man is MUCH larger than me. When he does decide to get physical with his anger towards me, I won't have a CHANCE to go to the police. He'll murder me in cold blood right then and there.

Evidence that he is a sociopath/psychopath:

He is absolutely the most selfish person I've ever met. He does not care one bit about anybody else around him. Before his mother passed away, he would get absolutely furious with her for spending any money while she was sick, because it would cut into his inheritance. He would not do anything to lessen her suffering in home, leaving all of the massaging and catering to his brother, saying and I quote, "I have better things to do". Better things to do than spend time with your mother in her final days? After she passed he proceeded to do absolutely nothing for nearly a decade and live off of the money in the delusion that he was successful and wealthy. The man has not earned a single dime in his entire life. All he does is "borrow" (NEVER pays it back, EVEEEEEER) money for his ridiculous schemes and blames everyone but himself when it goes to shambles.

He has said some of the most awful things behind my back to the family. I never feel wanted when he is present, and every time he gets my boyfriend alone he pushes and prods and pokes at reasons why he should leave me. My boyfriend insists that he will never listen to him; at least he's wise enough to know his brother is a selfish brat - but I am VERY uncomfortable with him being around us.

Last year we moved from New York to Florida. HIS BROTHER FOLLOWED US. He threw one of his tantrums to get money from his dad and he FOLLOWED US. I absolutely cannot get away from this maniac. I seem to be the only sane person in this family because NOBODY else thinks he's doing anything wrong. When my boyfriend started his own business, his brother threw another tantrum, following suit having whined enough to get more of his father's money. He lives five hours away but my god that is NOT far enough, not by a long shot. He showed up out of the blue for absolutely no reason last night - never called, never texted, and as usual expected us to drop everything and cater to his selfish needs (which my boyfriend did, to my irritation - why do horrible people keep getting REWARDED for their actions?!)

Recently, his behavior has done a complete 180. He's being friendly and nice towards me. I do not like it at all. I fear that he is seeming more happy because he's finally found a solution to his "problem". Much like a depression victim suddenly becoming cheerful and then killing themselves, I think this little "vacation" he's taken has much darker intentions than relaxation. I wish he'd just leave us alone forever, but I swear to god we could move to the most remote location in the Tibetan Mountains and he would STILL FOLLOW US. According to my research it's only a matter of time before a psychopath/sociopath gets pushed over the edge and has a psychotic break - all they need is one little push in the wrong direction, and the catastrophic failure of his attempt at stealing my boyfriend's business idea came in a rather timely manner to this "surprise visit".

He has NEVER been nice to me. Never been friendly towards me. Never gave me a compliment since I've known him. He did all three over pizza last night. I don't want him here. I want him locked up forever, where society is safe from him. I want him to leave us alone so we can get on with our lives without some immature childish brat constantly whining about why we shouldn't have each other. But most of all, I want everyone who thinks "Oh, poor him, he just needs our help" to see him for what he is instead of blinding themselves to it. How can I make them see how dangerous he really is? I can't believe that his mother was a psychologist and never saw the signs - it's clear as day to me and I've only studied the field as a HOBBY.

He is the reason I never answer our door when my boyfriend isn't home, let alone go outside. He's already proven he isn't above showing up unannounced - and I don't want to end up in a dumpster somewhere. There is nothing legal I can do to keep him away from me, but I KNOW he wants me dead. Is there ANYTHING that can be done about this?!

[Rose76]

Your boyfriend knows his brother real well. You will probably not convince him to change his relationship with this brother. All you can do is minimize contact with him. You can simply refuse to be under the same roof with him. That might motivate your boyfriend, but it's not real likely IMO.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I strongly advise you to stop trying to convince your boyfriend and his family to "see the light" about this person, for your safety. Trying to make them see it can potentially put you in more danger.

Also, you cannot make them see what's going on. You can't change how they think of this person, they have to see it for themselves and you trying to convince them of how dangerous he is will only make them more resistant to seeing why you're so concerned.

In the meantime, maximize your personal safety in any way possible. Don't go anywhere alone, record any suspicious activity in case it's relevant in the future for any reason, etc.

[NoCake]

Know your self worth.

You feel that you are in danger and so you need to put you first. I agree with all the others here. Your boyfriend and the rest of the family is in denial. If his mother cannot change him then you sure as hell can't do it. It's a lost cause. You did all you could and that's commendable. But now it's time for you to protect yourself.

Courage is going into a dangerous situation when there's a way out. It's time to get out.

Be safe.

[Rose76]

His behavior shows selfishness, anger, and a willingness to lie, manipulate, and "hustle" anyone he can. He may be all of that without necessarily being destined to do violence to someone. You do well to be wary. Still, I would not let him make me feel that I can't go anywhere alone.

The change in his behavior may just be part of his tendency to hustle people. He saw what didn't work with you, so he's trying something else.

As said above, how your bf and his family want to treat this guy is up to them. You don't want to get in the middle of that. That would be the most dangerous thing you could do. He may live a long time. You may have to just accept that he is around your boyfriend a lot, or leave your boyfriend. It sounds like a hard situation. I think families tend to be package deals. You get a significant other and the family comes with him.

It seems people are having a lot of problems with psychopaths of late... Maybe it's the weather...

Anyway, he cannot have OCD and primary psychopathy simultaneously. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and primary psychopathy is characterized by low cortical arousal, or incredibly low anxiety. It's possible that he has OCPD which is quite different. But descriptions of his behavior suggest that he's likely more of a secondary psychopath - in other words, he has a combination of conditions that result in psychopathic behavior. But the key difference between secondary and primary psychopaths is the affective aspect. Primary psychopaths have very low affect; secondary psychopaths do not.

So ... How was his childhood? Rather, how effectively did his parents punish him? And how does he act emotionally in general? Does he seem high strung or oddly calm?

Originally Posted by Zehla

According to my research it's only a matter of time before a psychopath/sociopath gets pushed over the edge and has a psychotic break - all they need is one little push in the wrong direction,

You need to do some better research. This is ... wrong. Very wrong.