[verylonelysoul]

I've never posted anything in a forum before. I'm so lonely and desperate tonight that I hope someone will read and reply to this that has been in any sort of similar experience. My husband has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but exhibits 8 of the 9 traits of BPD. Recently, he began telling me that it burned when he urinated and asking me why this was happening? I didn't understand at first that he is passively-aggressively accusing me of cheating and giving him some sort of STD. This is completely untrue, has no historical basis in our relationship, and seems to have just come out of nowhere. He has emotionally isolated me, and when I came out and asked him if he was accusing me of giving him an STD, he turned the whole thing around on me and said I handled the situation completely wrong. Trust me, he's been giving undeniable insinuating hints for 2 weeks now...I just don't give him the satisfaction of "picking up on them"....I expect him to say what he's trying to say directly.
Please help - is this common of people with BPD???

[Travelinglady]

Hello and welcome! Often bipolar and borderline personality do go together. Borderlines are prone to push people away and then try to bring them back, so this behavior could be a way of him to push you away....But I can't say for sure.

I suggest you read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells to get a better sense of what borderline behaviors are like and what can be done to handle life with borderline, if in fact he does have that diagnosis, too.

[healingme4me]

My kids father is bpd/bi-polar. He does have difficulties being in touch with certain emotions. He can be pretty gruff and direct, at times. I really cannot answer whether direct or indirect communication is 'common' for those with BPD, since it's not in the criteria.
I can say, that being accused of things that aren't/weren't true, was common when he and I were together. Raising kids, I still hear some things from time to time, but, as is customary of him, it's usually only at certain times of the year. (triggering moments such as the holidays, his deceased moms birthday, etc, have just always factored into his low moods)

Best of luck, hope he gets that checked out. And hope you find some answers about bpd.

Originally Posted by verylonelysoul

I've never posted anything in a forum before. I'm so lonely and desperate tonight that I hope someone will read and reply to this that has been in any sort of similar experience. My husband has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but exhibits 8 of the 9 traits of BPD. Recently, he began telling me that it burned when he urinated and asking me why this was happening? I didn't understand at first that he is passively-aggressively accusing me of cheating and giving him some sort of STD. This is completely untrue, has no historical basis in our relationship, and seems to have just come out of nowhere. He has emotionally isolated me, and when I came out and asked him if he was accusing me of giving him an STD, he turned the whole thing around on me and said I handled the situation completely wrong. Trust me, he's been giving undeniable insinuating hints for 2 weeks now...I just don't give him the satisfaction of "picking up on them"....I expect him to say what he's trying to say directly.
Please help - is this common of people with BPD???

[verylonelysoul]

Thank you to all who responded! I truly appreciate it. His symptoms do seem to get worse when he's under stress at work.

[EBD8]

I highly recommend what Payne1 said. The book Stop Walking on Eggshells, helped me understand it more than anything else. Good Luck

[Perna]

I guess I would respond to things as literally as I could; with the "why is this happening" (the burning while peeing) I'd reply, "I don't know, I'm not a doctor" and ask if he was going to make a doctor's appointment to find out, that it could be serious and you thought he should. You can only foil someone being passive aggressive by pretending to misunderstand and being literal. If their methods don't "work" then they have to stop them or try something else (being more direct would be nice :-) If you answer literally, they can't accuse you of anything because you answer what they asked. "I don't know" is a useful answer sometimes