[NuckingFutz]

Went to my mom's big birthday party (31 family members so it was intense). My sister has always raged at me and I use to just walk away. I have no car, so I cannot walk away from family functions.

I stayed with my sister for about 7 months when I moved here and this is when I found out she was borderline. I never would have stayed with her had I known she was borderline. During that time, she raged to much.

Anyway, to the matter at hand, I was working while I lived with her and picked up bed bugs from Pottery Barn. I brought them home and when they started to show up, she blamed me as though I did it on purpose. I thought that I need to get out of this house as soon as possible... I did. About a year later, I made an appology even though I didn't think I needed to as I did not do it on purpose.

Fast forward 6 months later... she changed everything in the house, the bedding (there is a way to get rid of bed bugs without having to discard bedding). She also replaced all her carpeting, and painted the walls. I mentioned this and she got an angry look on her face and said it was all my fault. She did this raging whenever I mentioned something new in her house. She also went through my suitcase and claimed she accidentally knocked it over. All my clothes fell on the floor. She told me to clean it up. The zipper had been closed before as I accidently got a shirt caught in a zipper leaving about 3 inches open and the rest was closed. She's gone through drawers of my stuff before...it's like she has no boundaries.

My birthday is coming up and she and my 2 sisters want to take me to lunch. I do not want to talk to my sister or her husband (who is a big bully). If she goes, I do not want to go if there is a chance she will rage at me. I love her, but she's just so twisted up inside that I can't handle being around her.

When I am around her, I feel like an emotional basket case, wiped out and scared and angry all at the same time. I read the walking on egg shells book but after reading it, I determined that even if I use their methods, I'd still be walking on eggshells.

Can anyone relate to this? I feel very alone in this situation.

My advice is to take care of you ...

[morning_view]

Pfrog is right, you need to take care of you - you can't help someone else if you're broken yourself now can you? In the case of your birthday, it's your birthday, you have every right to do what YOU want to do - if you really can't face being with your sister on that day, maybe suggest to your other sister that you'd rather spend your birthday doing something with friends, and actually voice your concerns about your BPD sister with her and that the situation is hurting you, and maybe propose that you do something the day before?...

Speaking as someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I know how hard this condition is, for those who suffer with is and those around them
- Your sister clearly isn't coping too well, and sometimes offering support means making a compromise until the person who is unwell can get better and begin to see how destructive their behaviour is - sometimes admitting you're wrong or at fault, even when you're not is the best course of action - that might sound like you're "walking on eggshells" but you're really not, just creating the calmest possible atmosphere to ease a tense situation when your sister is in a rage - I know what the rage feels like, and honestly I've had to be told how I've behaved at times because I'd no recollection
- sometimes, backing down is the strongest response

Hope some of that helps
- try this book, I found it more helpful that 'stop walking on eggshells' because the guy who wrote it is not only a doctor, but has fisrt hand experience with a borderline sibling, so I think you'll find some help from this, and I found it very comforting and useful as a sufferer, so it might be worth passing it on to your sister as well

"Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified" - by Robert O. Friedel (MD)
Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Living with BPD: Robert O. Friedel, Perry D. Hoffman, Dixianne Penney, Patricia Woodward: 9781569244562: Amazon.com: Books