[hurtnconfused]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. He was upfront in the very beginning about his bipolar disorder and his social anxiety. I know a lot about both because my mom has mild forms of both. His are more severe and I think I am dealing with them badly. All I have ever asked was that he tell me when he needs to be alone. Which he rarely does. When he does this, my insecurities go haywire and I bounce off the walls. I have never been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but i have some traits. I have been in therapy for years. (I was a battered wife and sought help right after i filled a pfa against my ex husband). I try so hard not to freak out when he goes off the grid, but I love him so much and I worry about his physical health (severe back problems and on lots of meds that make him sick) He gets so angry at me when I do whatever I can to reach him, we have a fight then its all better. (until it happens again). He doesn't abuse street drugs, but the doc did give him hydrocodone (attempting to get him into surgery to help get rid of back issues) and when he takes it he gets very mean. Also when he is drinking he gets like that. (guess who stopped buying beer for him) because of his physical problems they seem to make his mental ones worse. (seem.. ha i know they do) Am I asking for too much just to be informed of "alone time"? I am suffering so much because I am completely devoted to him. I need advice

[spondiferous]

Welcome to PC, hurt, I can see that you're new here.
No, you're not asking too much by asking to be reminded when your partner needs alone time. In fact my partner and I have the same issue, in reverse. She has asked me to let her know when I need alone time, but when I do there's the questions: 'But why?' 'What are you going to do?' 'Are you mad at me?' I have gently let her know that even though she always says I can feel free to tell her anytime I need time to myself, she always seems to take it personally, which she agrees to. In your case, I imagine it will just take some time to work through your own insecurities and realize that it's not about you. It's what he needs for himself.
You say you've been in therapy for years. Have you considered joining a support group at a local mental health center for friends and family? Living with someone else's mental or emotional illness can be extremely challenging, as you are well aware. And it can have a major impact on your health if you are not taking care of yourself.
Which brings me to boundaries. You mention that you are 'completely devoted to him'. But you have also listed many not-so-great qualities about him: anger, meanness, drinking, etc. Is he getting help for his own stuff? Is he as into making this relationship work as you are? It's worth thinking about. Both my partner and I have mental health issues and I know all too well how challenging it can be to deal when my partner's symptoms escalate.
I hope things improve for you. I am willing to talk about it anytime if you need someone to talk to. Just PM me; that would be the easiest way as I don't always get the opportunity to re-check threads that I post to. Take care.