[LoveMe3x]

Goodbyes are so final. But this was necessary. For my own mental health. I'm tired of feeling used, abused and discarded. I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter after give so much of myself and getting nothing in return. So rather than killing myself even further with this "friendship," I decided "no more!" No more will I feel taken advantage of. No more will I feel like she doesn't care. No more.

I said goodbye yesterday. A final time. I've said it before only to come back again. But it was different than all the rest. One final time. I don't hate her. She's sick and will never see my point of view. I can't blame her. That would only make my mental state worse. It's not entirely her fault. Outside influences are to blame. I know exactly who to blame. Not her and not myself. I'm just relieved that it's finally over. I can breath again. I don't feel constricted with overwhelming emotional trauma. I have my own pain. I have to focus on that and letting it go. And yesterday was a big step in letting it go. Letting it ALL go. Letting my forgiveness flow freely the beginning. From before her. From allowing it to happen not once but twice. Being used and then forgotten. I had blamed myself for so long. But it's not all my fault. I feel into this trap as I had before, but getting out was easier than the first go round. I hope to never fall in again, but that wouldn't very well be realistic of me now would it? I may fall again, but I don't think I'll fall in just as hard. And the climb out won't be as difficult. It was difficult the first time. This time it's a bit easier. My confidence is a whole lot better since this final goodbye. Letting go is easier. Breathing is easier. Living is easier. And that's all I can do now. Continue living.

[Thorn Bird]

I do feel so sad for you - but you are doing the right thing and you need to finalise it by saying Goodbye. You may find for a while that you just exist - but in time you will get over her and you will live to love again. Just to let you know my thoughts are with you

[bataviabard]

I feel your pain, truly.

Three months ago a police officer asked me if I wanted my wife arrested. I said "no, she's ill, not criminal." My life went from sitting on the couch watching TV, pleased with myself for doing "the next right thing," to being screamed at, to blocking kicks and punches and having the buttons ripped off my shirt.. All in 15 minutes. A week later I attended my wife's therapy session. In it she said she "did not want to be married any more." Afterwards, I needed to write a letter to her T. It was apparent that my wife in almost two years of therapy had mentally twisted things around so much that she does not realized what is true or not. I literally saw in that session a complete stranger, the antithesis of the person who I love soul deep.

I feel your confusion.

I had to look hard at myself. I had to see, and to feel what part of what happened was mine to own. It hit me hard to realize that I had become a monster to her. A trigger. Even if I didn't mean to. Even if it just happened without my being aware it was happening. That part was mine to own and to deal with. I sent her a brief letter of amends... not for her per se, but for me. Once I mailed it, I felt free. A weight was lifted from me.

Since The Event I have done some reading on MI and continue to to take my inventory on what I read. A lot of what I did in my marriage was spot on according to the "experts." Love tends to be a good guide for gentleness, understanding, forgiveness and willingness. And being human I also saw where I came up short. I didn't know what I didn't know.

I know in my heart that as long as I remain around her, she will continue to look outside herself at me and blame me for her bad behavior. This has occurred more and more frquently since her meds were changed a couple of years ago.

[Frank Mandez]

What was the reason behind saying goodbye to her.? You haven't mentioned the exact reason of the breakup. I know its very hard about being separated from a person with whom you are attaching a lot but if the condition rises there that living together becomes more difficult and more painful rather than being separated. I think you did right if you was being treated badly or it causes a lot of mental stress upon you. Move forward and live freely.