[LoveMe3x]

As a non-BPD in a relationship turned friendship, I’d say just leave them be if they give you that opportunity. I’m trying to figure out how to cut ties with the woman I’ve grew to love. They’ve moved on and found someone else better suited I guess. I keep thinking that if she REALLY loved me, REALLY loved me like she said she did, then she would’ve tried to make it work. But I was doing all the work in order to make sure SHE was happy despite what it was doing to me mentally, physically and financially. That up and down rollercoaster of a mess we called a relationship wasn’t healthy for either one of us; so she’s better off without me. So why can’t I find myself to let her go? Anything she needs, I’m there. Emotionally… financially… I’m there. I have (and continue to) spend my last dollar on her every need so that she could get back on her feet and even made it possible for her to meet up with her current boyfriend. Leaving me in a state of depression. Of feeling used. Of feeling like a loser twice over.

She is my girl-shaped love drug to which I have been addicted with for several months now. I wish I could give up my habit cold turkey… to free myself of this addiction. Instead I find myself looking in on the outside as she finds love and happiness with another and I’m left alone with only my feelings of loss and self hate.

Someone told me I was strong for continuing to love this person and help them even when she is with someone else… that I had a great heart for doing so. Although I appreciate the sentiment, it has nothing to do with strength. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm not strong. I'm stupid for continuing on like I do. I'm stupid for putting myself in the same situation I had 5 years ago with another ex. She wasn't bpd, but was bipolar. She too used me up emotionally and financially and found someone else to love. It seems like I can't find someone without them have some sort of a disorder. Then end up leaving (but not leaving) and fall for another. Not very balanced when you consider I have a chronic depression (dysthymia--diagnosed this year). Either way these were doomed relationships. But instead of letting them go---letting them have their ending, I managed to prolong them into agony. The 1st situation was worse… that’s for another post.

I just gotta kick the habit before it kills me.

I know how you feel, honestly I do. I have no concrete advise (short of waiting for her to do something that snaps you back into reality) but I do know hard it is to leave someone like that, trust me. I have the same diagnosis, but I'm the dependant sort so I'm usually the one holding on for far too long.

I hope you find peace, and strength. There are people here who have or are going thru what you are....they can help I'm sure. All I can do is offer you a

[LoveMe3x]

So I guess that's it huh? ...

[healingme4me]

I've been a NON-BPD partner, before. It really is about soul searching, not being the victim in the roller coaster ride, learning how to recognize an unhealthy relationship, from the beginning, the next time. Knowing when and how to walk away, before a pattern of staying too long/overstaying can even begin.

Are you currently, working with a therapist, to discover, within yourself, why you find yourself repeating these patterns over and over again with the women in your life?

[Thorn Bird]

I answered your second post first - sorry - you sound so like me addicted to her love and as you say it is like a roller coaster ride that is all messed up and causes so much hurt and pain - I really feel for you. My partner is unBPD/NPD and I am currently in denial trying to find reasons why he does not have a disorder. I love him and when it is good - it is so good but wow when it is bad it is the worst! Thinking of you Lots of love Thorn BirdxXx

[avlady]

I am the dependant one i my marriage of 18 years this week. i feel so bad for my husband when i get sick, depresed as he puts up with it and i have no one else i trust enough to bear my soul when i'm sick. Luckily i bounce back fast usually, but it has taken it's toll on our relationship, i believe because i'm so dependant, if it were not for him, i'd definatlely be hospitalised for good, sometimes i even wish that on myself so i don't have to be a burden on him. All is good for a while concerning our marriage now so i think i won't say anymore as it may put the kavorkiane on me-just kidding

[LoveMe3x]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I've been a NON-BPD partner, before. It really is about soul searching, not being the victim in the roller coaster ride, learning how to recognize an unhealthy relationship, from the beginning, the next time. Knowing when and how to walk away, before a pattern of staying too long/overstaying can even begin.

Are you currently, working with a therapist, to discover, within yourself, why you find yourself repeating these patterns over and over again with the women in your life?

Yes I have an appointment tomorrow. He said we could try to work on why I have myself fall into this pattern in allowing people to take full advantage of me... This hurts my self esteem even more because I "let" it happen. I allow people to do this to me because I love them and am afraid they won't love me anymore if I don't.

[Thorn Bird]

I can relate to that a little too - we want to please them because of what we receive when we don't the rages and belittling and we are worried they are going to discard.

I wish you all the best with your therapy and really hope it helps.