[MissSouthernBelle]

I'm so confused and hurt right now. I just need somewhere to confide.

Ever since our date this past Sunday, in which he rushed me out the door after being triggered into thinking about his ex, he's been distant. He set up another date for this Tuesday night, but said he got a stomach virus. I carried him a "get well" basket by and he thanked me and sounded astounded, but then later that night, he messages me, telling me that he's overthinking about his ex...I try to offer advice - harsh, but constructive and encouraging - and he stops texting me. He hasn't said a word all day today.

I'm just not sure how much longer I can tolerate being hurt like this. I know he is going through the aftershocks of abuse. He has his abusive ex-girlfriend on some pedestal where he sees her as a God and I could never compare, though I am undoubtedly 10x the woman she will ever be and treat him as he should be treated.

I can't explain it. I'm just hurt. I've been there for him at 4am, stopped him from suicide several times, and truly care and he's always thinking about her and sabotaging plans with me.

I don't want to walk away, as he said everyone always does (I can see why), but then again, why do I keep getting hurt when he doesn't want to help himself? And, I'll never compare to her unless I start treating him like crap?

I'm so tempted to walk away...but that's just not me. I'm a caring person.

I just need some advice and caring words. My appetite is going out the window again.

[Lonely_90]

It sounds to me that you might be the "rebound".... He still wants his ex, he has a desire for her. Even though she was abusive he thinks that's the way he needs to be treated... I think it would be best if you detach from this guy... Text once then leave it alone, don't text him unless he text u... Don't make plans, just say I'm going to " insert fun college place here" hope to see u there. Keep it as friends until u can get away... Your only going to hurt yourself

[MissSouthernBelle]

Originally Posted by Lonely_90

It sounds to me that you might be the "rebound".... He still wants his ex, he has a desire for her. Even though she was abusive he thinks that's the way he needs to be treated... I think it would be best if you detach from this guy... Text once then leave it alone, don't text him unless he text u... Don't make plans, just say I'm going to " insert fun college place here" hope to see u there. Keep it as friends until u can get away... Your only going to hurt yourself

If I knew he was going to start treating me like this...I wish I would've never tried to help him.

You don't go from saying that I kept you from suicide several times, that I've helped more than anyone ever has, pleading with me to talk to you only a week ago, to total silence. I don't know.

Maybe I am the rebound, but he's had several other short, sexual rebounds in the past 4-5 months. This has been rocking on for a while.

Maybe I treated him too nice with the basket. I don't know.

It's just going to be hard getting over the emotions/feelings I have for him.

I just find this behavior astounding, considering he has abandonment fears.

Oh, well. I tried. I really did.

[Lonely_90]

I think this is more hurt then you can handle. You have to be very strong and be able to handle rejection well to be with a person like this. I dont think he has BPD but maybe something else wrong, BPD have rages and go into full blown FITS, my bf showed his first one the second night we hung out ( pushing me away).

If you want to keep trying do it, but as everyone tells me, YOU cannot change him, this is the way he is and he always is going to be. You have hung out one time from what i read, this is rather new. Yes you have been talking on the phone and texting but actually face to face is different. He obviously still wants his ex and is seriusly hurt by what she did to him.

Who knows maybe he has a fetish of a woman being in charge, maybe he likes to be yelled at and bossed around. Besides a few times I have never heard a man say to come hold them. Sounds to me he may have mommy issues as well.

before you invest to much time with this guy, think about yourself, in such a short time he has done so much damage to you already.

Take it from someone who went from laughing everyday, to crying and worrying. It takes a toll on you and your body. I have gained weight from stress eatting, My face has started to breaking out, My hormones are all messed up. my nerves are shot all the time. its a lot of pressure and stress...

OH and DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF, this is HIS problem, and you are an enabler ( just like me), you need to tell him strait up hes acting like a baby and it makes him unattractive, and you would like for him to work on that, see where he wants this relationship to go and if he says just friends, decide if thats ok or walk away now. The best thing to do is to be honest up front.

Good Luck

[Thorn Bird]

I too think you sound like the rebound. A shoulder to cry on or he may think he is ready for another relationship and then realises he is not - it is a very confusing time and a sad one for him - any break up is and sadly you too are being hurt even if unintentionally. I think you should tell him how you feel and say you want to be his friend but you feel he may not be over his ex which isn't fair to him or you. Tell him you will still be here but you don't want to put pressure on him when he is like this and it is hurting you too. Good luck and this is nothing to do with you personally.