Autistic son

Hi everyone, I have also posted this message on the Bipolar board as I was diagnosed with BPII in May this year and on Depakote, Zoloft and Zoplicone (sleeping pill). We have a 10 year old son with autism and a 13 yr old daughter. My son has just had half term holiday for two weeks and he goes back next Thursday so its three almost! I have felt so depressed and exhausted. For years one of us sleeps in with our son as he won't sleep on his own, we have a spare bed in his room. This is terrible for our marriage.

The school is an autism specific one, 49 pupils and has boarding and respite facilities - he stays over for 2 nights every two weekends to give us all a break. He has 4 weeks summer holiday and 2 weeks off again at Easter and in June.

The thing is we have no family support at all, we never had. My son is getting older, I am getting older and unhealthier through caring for him and my husband has so much anger and grief about it all, about my diagnosis too. I am getting psychotherapy, done 7 sessions, its very hard going but I hope it will help me in some way.

Just before I had hypomanic episode in May I was so frantic and wanted my son in a different school with better facilities (more space - he has sensory problems and needs physical educaton to de-stress). But here in the UK its a fight with the education authority (we went down that road 2 years ago and won the fight to get him into this current school). My husband doesnt want him boarding Monday to Friday and I don't think I can convince him. He says he is not sending him away just because I have bipolar - we do this together and be stronger or we go under. I can understand how much he is hurting right now but I am my son's main carer, of course my husband has to work but he does help alot with our son when he's home too.

We are very isolated as a family and our son is very shy. I don't think I am helping my son get a better life because of the way I am - I too am very emotional and sensitive and easily stressed (all BP rolled into one). I don't know how to be another way, like my husband's way I guess.

Sorry this is long and thanks for reading through. I am so heartbroken over my son, I do what I can but its not enough. Some days I want to throw it all in and leave and then I get stronger again. Also felt like going back to work full time just to take my mind off all the pain - work helps me a lot. I do some typing for some people from my home but I don't see anyone during the day. We went to church but stopped going as our daughter didnt like it, I want to go again and will do so.

Anyway enough for now. Its not a good combination BP and autism.

Hello Babs, Your story is heartbreacking.... We are here a s a community to help as much as we can online. My best friend's son has Aspergers.... times are so hard for her and her family. PM me anytime.
Lilith

I can't imagine what you are going through. I had a good friend years ago whose son was autistic and she had no help with him. I know she struggled alot.

I am sure there must be a way to compromrise with this.. you all just haven't found it yet. I'll pray about it for you. Church would be a great idea so you can be spiritually strong while going through tough times.

I hope things get better soon and that you work it out... keep us updated.peace,Faith

A big hug for you, babs92.

((((((((((((((((((( babs92 )))))))))))))))))))))))

I can feel the pain behind your words! The frustration...
I know that you love your son... otherwise you wouldn't keep fighting for him like this.

The reason as to why I can talk in this matter... is that my son's got a form of autism- Aspergers disorder. I've got Asperger, OCD and depression, myself.
The constant care of a child in need and at the same time trying to be there for the rest of the family is oh so hard... so draining. How on Earth will you get time to take care of YOU?!
Yes, you need help from the outside! But boy is it hard to get that help! We've gotten some help now... but not enough.

Please know, that you're more than welcome to talk to me! I think it could be good for both you and me.
Remember... you're not to blame being sick and running out of energy. You love your family and you're a good mom!
I feel for you!

HEllo dear lady. I have worked DD children, including those with Autism. However, I do not think one of your problems is do to your son being Austistic, the problem of him not sleeping alone.

As with any child without a disability, most children get their way by doing particular things. your son- I am guessing- throws a fit when you leave the room, or will not sleep with him. Am I right? Crying, yelling, carrying on...

The simple fact of the matter is, you will have to make your child sleep in his own bed. this is done slowly in steps. Look to the Super Nanny, or Nanny 911 website for mroe information.

As far as you being over-worked, have you thought of a sitter/nanny? Your daughter could probably help the sitter with the sitting, no?

Now I am guessing you are in the UK? In the states you can get respite help and a break from your care-taking duties; surely there are programs like that in your community.

Finally, in closing, I hope I am not being too forward. Do not feel bad that you have to discipline your son by making him sleep in his own bed. Do not feel bad about having your son stay off with another person. he is far stronger- and smarter in a manipulative manner in which all children are- than you think.

Take care my dear, I hope it works out.

sending you good vibes i to am a parent of disabled children a daughter who is now 22 and a son who is 15 hope you find pleanty of support out there, there is lots of support here

Hello to everyone and thank you all for your very kind words of support and help. My husband and I have decided that a weekly boarding place at his school would be the best for him and for us as a family. its not going to be easy getting this but there is some light now at the end of the tunnel. Even if we end up with 2 or 3 nights a week its something but my son has huge difficulties with routine and structure so we think its best that a constant curriculum for the whole week is the best way forward.

We are getting the couple counselling now which is a great relief to us both. Its taken my husband a long time to come to these decisions and to work things out for himself and his family. Yes my heart breaks at times but at least we still have each other and our daughter.

Thanks again everyone, you have all been amazing..

Thank you for a lovely conversation, this evening! It felt so good talking to someone, who knows how it is dealing with these kind of difficulties.

I think you made the right decision, about your son's school. You need to see to yourselves too! He'll get well cared for. I wish your son and you other family members, all the best!

Please know, I'm here to listen to you!

((((((((((((((((((( babs92 & family )))))))))))))))))))

Remember! You're a good mom!