[goldiemom]

Hi--
I'm new, and reading some of the posts here, I think many here are going through what I am going through and maybe you can help me, many may have more experience and knowledge.

My son was diagnosed as ADHD at age 4, and the doc showed me how his drawing became age appropriate with giving him ritalin. So I think he really was/is ADHD but he hates taking ritalin and won't stay on it.

He got in trouble for pot for a while as a teenager, he got caught and charges pressed nearly every time he ever did it, because he was not able to hide things or understand other people's point of view very well. Always a cheerful kid but irrationally frightened of some things, like bees after he got stung. He seemed to outgrow it but I'm not sure.

He was in and out of mental health with ADHD diagnosis and they just said his self absorption and fear was immaturity for his age. They said this is common with ADHD.

He began acting strangely, huffing stuff, perhaps taking pills, I don't know, and ranting and raving about suicide. I think he may have been on prozac or something at the time. Then he got sent up to the state hospital many times and after begging to be zombified with halidol all the time, the docs said he had a drug problem, they didn't care if he was suicidal, they werent taking him any more. They sent him home on a hefty dose of neurontin which they started just before placing him on the bus home. He wet himself on the way home and was cold and shaking, we didn't know it was a seizure. We stopped the neurontin and a week later he tried to light himself on fire, and lit his leg on fire, we managed to grab the gas can on him before he got it all over.

After that, no mental health commitment because the state hospital wouldn't take him, which is probably just as well. A week or so later, after a fugue state, he had a gran mal seizure. He was given an eeg which showed focal epilepsy in the parietal lobe. He was put on dilantin and did better for a while.

He got a job and worked and started back up on drugs, this time oxycontin, which is very bad if you have epilepsy. We fought this and more charges and incarcerations until finally one day we found him blue on the sofa. I could not revive him but my bf could. I took a fentanyl patch out of his mouth.

Now he is in his mid20s, in a homeless mission program for drug addicts. It is the last chance, our church helped get him in there. He was denied SSI despite all this because he has epilepsy and the judge called him a drug addict.

My son is relentless in his drug seeking, the worse addicts have told us he is a "total fiend" who will do anything and take as much drugs as he has. He is not a normal drug user. He has not seemed to develop the ability to see things from anyone else's perspective, so he does really stupid stuff, and this is off drugs too. He is very flat and shallow much of the time. He is not a particularly depressed looking or acting, but then he just switches over and is like a totally different person, even a totally different personality. Then he will act like nothing ever happened. He says he remembers everything, but he didn't know he had seizures because he didn't remember them and to him the memory seems continuous, and not even odd to him, even waking up in an ambulance or his bed.

He takes after his dad alot, who is very ADHD, and his dad's brother, who is schizophrenic. I am really concerned about my son. He says he doesn't hear voices. He gets very upset if I mention that he seems like two different people. His reasoning behind using drugs in completely risky and foolish situations doesn't make much sense. My son is highly intelligent, but he is becoming more illogical and destructive and negative. If you see him look at you when he is in one of his moods, it is really scary. I am afraid of him when he is like that. He is compulsive like people in those old black in white movies, just totally compulsive. I didn't think that that was a real state of being.

I know they say schizophrenia and epilepsy are related. It would be horrible because my son has not been able to take any psych meds so far without them causing really bad psychotic behavior. We have liver and autoimmune disease in our family and it causes bad med sensitivity.

How do you figure out what is wrong, is it just drugs or mental illness, and how do you get them to tell you what is really going on?

I am losing my son so bad, and he is becoming institutionalized from all of the incarcerations and "programs". He is so bad that in his only little bit of freedom, he took change and went in dollar general and bought cough medicine and drank the whole bottle. He says he is in pain all the time and tries to get meds at the hospital too. He robs us blind, even though he has no where to go. His personal appearance goes totally down hill and he will be a homeless guy even though he is young and extremely handsome, he is so sick. He doesn't seem to care about girls anymore. I think he has given up, his last one was not so good. I hear you all say so many of the same things as what I feel. This is so bad. I don't think I can have my son live with me again, with the stealing, the drugs and all, but he has no where to go and will live on the street. He has no bottom to hit. I'm so sorry this is so long, don't know how to say otherwise. I am afraid he will die if he ends up on the street. He is not that together and seems to be really trying to destroy himself.

Thanks for taking the time to read all this.

[anneo59]

I am so sorry, I can only imagine how I would feel as a mom of grown son's, one of whom has diagnosed MI issues. I know you will do what you can. But you must take care of yourself, that's vital. Counseling, therapy, venting, enjoying your life as best you can, whatever you can manage. Don't give up on yourself. Don't internalize. You can't help him that way, and frankly, as he is an adult, there may be very little you can do, unfortunately. I do speak from experience. Don't give up seeking help, don't give up posting or looking for informative articles here on PC or elsewhere. Just try really hard not to give into the misery. Feel free to PM and explore some of the relevant info here on this PC site. I wish you all the best.

[worthit]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. This destructive behavior is very bad for the whole family. I don't think he will do well on living with you. I think he will only try to steal more from you and you'll be heartbroken. Best of luck and I wish you well.

Sent from my VS920 4G using Tapatalk 2

[growlycat]

I am so sorry. He needs to get into recovery and get psych treatment but you already know that. It's strange that a state hospital could refuse him???

I just wanted to give support, I wish there were more resources out there.

[Gus1234U]

he has taken one of the hardest roads there is in this life, Goldie, and i feel such compassion for you... most of us forget that people like your son are loved and grieved for by the ones who have already lost them~

[Otter63]

I'm so sorry for you and your son. My son has shown signs of MI since he was a teen. He is 26 now and had a psychotic episode this last April. He lost his job a couple of weeks ago, but seems to be mostly okay right now.

It's so painful as a mom to watch your kid go through this stuff. I wish I had more than empathy to offer. I remember years ago when we were talking to Jeff about his mental state, and he said to me, "wouldn't you still love me if I were mentally ill?" That had an impact on me. You might not be able to have him live with you, but you can love him.

Take care of yourself.

[spondiferous]

My heart goes out to you. I cannot image the pain and conflict you must be in. But as a recovered addict, all I can say is that the only thing you can do now is let him go. Or risk going right down with him.
It sucks so bad, I know. Watching loved ones go down that road and not being able to stop them, to help them, to make them understand how precious they are, to make others see their gifts, to find them the help they truly need, to find out what is really 'wrong' with them. The fact of the matter is, at this point it's likely both MI and addiction, and the one is fuelling the other, and vice versa. The other thing is that with people with MI, it's so much harder to recover from addiction. I'm not saying it's hopeless. It's not. I have friends that have done it. I have done it. There's always hope. But there's nothing more you can really do for him. I would suggest finding ways to carry yourself through this grief: any support systems and services you can find.
Some of my family members are recovering finally, but for the first while after I got clean people who knew my story would say, You just have to let go with love.
'Just' really has no place in that sentence, but essentially that's all we can do. Think of them, pray or send them energy, find out if we can help them but protect ourselves first and foremost.

[avlady]

Goldiemom Welcome!! I am also having problems with my 22 year old son and alcoholism. He tries to hide it, got fired from where he worked because he stole a 6 pack of beer. He will hopefully be going back to college soon, i hope he can handle it. He already totalled 3 cars already. Obviousley we don't encourge driving anymore, but he has to take a bus ride of 1 hour to school every school day if he even gets back into college as his grades were so low he got dismissed but is working to get back in. I pray for all the alcoholic and drug addicts every day especially on here, so i'll just see what happens.

[Caretaker Leo]

Goldie,
I have been away from this forum for many months while getting sucked into the trauma-drama of my son's life. Saw your post here and hope I can offer some thoughts to help you.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6. He is now 30 and in the past few years was correctly diagnosed as bipolar. Sure wish we had known that many years ago...

The meds given to ADHD and depressed people are not the correct ones for a person who is bipolar. What you wrote makes me question if your son has been correctly diagnosed???

My son has also spent time in jail. In part because he was desperately trying to self-medicate with other drugs and alcohol. This is not unusual for a person who hasn't been diagnosed correctly and is taking (or not taking) the meds prescribed.

At this point, my son knows and I stand firm on my decision that he can't live with me. I won't even allow him to spend a single night in my home. I made that decision because I had to take care of my own mental health. It isn't easy - actually it still hurts. I am still coming to grips with the fact my son might die on the streets. I really didn't think he would still be alive at age 30.

As much as we will always love our children, I am coming to understand that love can't solve or save everyone.

[avlady]

CaretakerLeo thank you!! I can't imagine my son out in the streets, we live in a small town, but by Buffalo NY . That's the thing that scares me him being out on the streets. I know beccause part of my life i myself was living on the stereets, the only way to get out of it was to go into the hospital, thank God someone noticed! He is on Paxil, not drinking for a month now. as far as we know. Hopefully if something bad is going to happen, he will be put in the hospital himself or another person would put him there.

[JadeAmethyst]

Dear Friends,
My son is living with us as a condition of his early parole. He has been here for a month now. He just turned 36 this month. It is a day to day life at this point. That's all we can do.
I offer my sincere compassion and healing to all of the parents and families and young people who are suffering and in pain.

sincerely
Jade

[loving parent 802]

Hi, I'm new to this and your posting caught my attention because I also have a son in his 20's who struggles with MI and substance abuse. He struggles with BPD and has been in an out of state dual diagnosis program for 3 months....returning home in next couple weeks. we are concerned about how to establish boundaries when he returns. In the past, we have not been good at doing that. He could easily end up on the streets if we stand firm to our boundaries. But we know that without boundaries things will go right back to where they were before.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that somebody else can related to your anguish. We love them so much and will do anything for them. But we can only lead the horse to water...we can't make him drink, unfortunately.