[camelcamel]

We've been married for 10 years. About 1.5 years ago my wife convinced herself that I've been cheating on her. She is wrong, but there's no way for me to dissuade her, and the harder I'd tried the more sure she'd become. I pretty much don't try anymore.

I see no hope in sight. We both feel disdain and resentment toward each other, and the love is gone. As far as she's concerned, I'm a cheater, a lier (which is the worst possible trait for her). As far as I'm concerned, she has trust issues which make her sabotage our family's welfare for no good reason.

We tried to see a marriage counselor soon after this came about, but that was pointless. We don't have a communication issue, we have a divergent reality issue. The MC told us 10 min into the first session that she probably couldn't help us.

We've been in separate bedrooms for the last several months. She tried many times to get me to move out. I've refused, trying to keep the family together. We have elementary school age kids, and I want them to have the best possible experience. They're everything to me, my wife is a wonderful mother, and I can see myself staying even in the current state until they grow up. To me, it's the "least bad" option. My wife disagrees because "if the parents are unhappy the kids are unhappy". Obviously, we disagree about the cause of the unhappiness and who's responsible for it.

She just started working again, and told me she's planning to move out, since I won't.

I'm all but given up at this point. How do you convince someone with trust issues that they have trust issues? They don't believe you!

[Travelinglady]

Hi, camelcamel, and welcome to Psych Central! Alas, I am not sure people can be argued out of such beliefs. By any chance, might she have some sort of disorder--I don't know--paranoia or some such?

Objectively, were there things that could have given her that idea? Working late at the office? Trips out of town?

What a frustrating situation. I am so sorry.

If she won't be helped by therapy, then if this situation just gets worse and she leaves, then you might talk to a therapist to get some healing and be able to move on.

[camelcamel]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hi, camelcamel, and welcome to Psych Central! Alas, I am not sure people can be argued out of such beliefs. By any chance, might she have some sort of disorder--I don't know--paranoia or some such?

I don't know, since I'm not a therapist. After skimming through the traits, I doubt it. She is just a mistrustful person, and doesn't have faith in people.

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Objectively, were there things that could have given her that idea? Working late at the office? Trips out of town?

Absolutely! There is a multitude of things that may appear suspicious if one looked hard enough, and no one looks harder than my wife. I don't blame her for having suspicions; only for succumbing to them.

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

What a frustrating situation. I am so sorry.

Thank you!

[/QUOTE]If she won't be helped by therapy, then if this situation just gets worse and she leaves, then you might talk to a therapist to get some healing and be able to move on. [/QUOTE]

[gayleggg]

It is hard to convince someone who has already convicted you to change their minds. I can understand you would want to stay together for the children, but that may not be the best thing for them. Children about marriage from their parents and how they interact. What example are you giving them now. Living in different rooms and I assume there are other communication problems considering. Sometimes it's healthier to let go even for the children. Just my personal opinion. I wish you the best and wish your wife would wise up, but she may never do so.