[likenatural]

I have a boyfriend(sort of) that is a N and is ISTJ on the Myer Briggs. Does that go along with narcissism, anyone? He is still in some denial that he is an actual N, but does know that he has the same problems over and over again with people in all relationships.

I am on this forum just to learn more and to have more understanding in how to deal with him. Ours has been a long distance relationship and it seems like with him out of sight is out of mind the way he connects so infrequently. We were once very passionate about each other and I still love him, but this is getting harder and harder for me because he just goes off on his own for long periods of time(a weeks or weeks) without connecting. I don't want to be too critical.. I have done that in the past and it doesn't work. So what are the methods to bring a N closer to you?

Originally Posted by likenatural

I have a boyfriend(sort of) that is a N and is ISTJ on the Myer Briggs. Does that go along with narcissism, anyone? He is still in some denial that he is an actual N, but does know that he has the same problems over and over again with people in all relationships.

I am on this forum just to learn more and to have more understanding in how to deal with him. Ours has been a long distance relationship and it seems like with him out of sight is out of mind the way he connects so infrequently. We were once very passionate about each other and I still love him, but this is getting harder and harder for me because he just goes off on his own for long periods of time(a weeks or weeks) without connecting. I don't want to be too critical.. I have done that in the past and it doesn't work. So what are the methods to bring a N closer to you?

It's not so much on how to bring a "n" closer as it is why is it the way it is. If you cannot find a way to bring a person you feel for closer than that should be a sign of something off. Not meaning a disorder but maybe he does not feel the same, or his ways are what they are and that's all. If the real question is how do "you" bring a "N" closer than I think you are mistaken on what realities are all about. To sum it up, if you think he does this because of a disorder and you want to base his needs on just that in the end are you really helping one another? You cannot fix him only he can if it is what you say it is. To remain clear these are always my opinions and not based on others writings so take it for whatever its worth!!

[Smaxie72]

I had a long distance relationship with a German guy, thought that he was married as something didn't add up, looking closely he is defo an N. I think distance and the condition is impossible. I thought that he was seeing other women, but when I found a blonde hair on him and confronted him, he told me a long story about how the hair couldn't have got there...... plus he gave me an excuse about going fishing that he had used previously (not been for years). Distance brings its own trust issues, add in an N... I would walk away.

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by Smaxie72

I had a long distance relationship with a German guy, thought that he was married as something didn't add up, looking closely he is defo an N. I think distance and the condition is impossible. I thought that he was seeing other women, but when I found a blonde hair on him and confronted him, he told me a long story about how the hair couldn't have got there...... plus he gave me an excuse about going fishing that he had used previously (not been for years). Distance brings its own trust issues, add in an N... I would walk away.

How long distance is long distance? I suppose what I mean is how often do you spend time with each other. Any long distance relationship is very hard to maintain - there are always trust issues - and you do not always see the 'real' thing. My partner is NPD and I go through the 'cycle of abuse' over and over again - I suppose I should have walked but there is this thing called 'Love' but, it certainly takes it's toll on me - have you witnessed 'rage', blaming, projection? And yes if they want to go off - they will, they have no reservations about your feelings in this way. I believe my 'N' loves me but it is not in all it's entirety and there are so many reasons he has become the way he is which is one of the reasons I have stayed and tried to understand. But a long distance relationship with an 'N' in my opinion is going to end up with you getting hurt. As underground said you will not fix him - if he recognises his problems and wants to change then maybe there is a little hope - but there is no magic cure even then - just hard work and often heartache