[MM_MM]

Hi everyone,

I'm writing here today because I'm at my wits end. I just want to cry. My family unit is my mom, my younger sister and I. My dad left us when I was about 12 (I'm 28 now) with a ton of debts and problems. We're at a more or less stable position now. We don't have any savings but we've managed to pay off most debts and more or less survive every month. My mom is 62 and my sister is 23.

Both my mom and my sister have depression and there are days, like today, in which it just becomes too much for me.

Both my mom and my sister don't go regularly to see their therapists. My mom had an appointment today and decided to skip it because she just didn't feel like going- she also didn't do the homework the therapist had assigned her last month. Where we live, appointments are given monthly, so now she's going to be 2 months without talking to anyone. My sister imitates the same pattern.

Both of them will go one month then skip the next two months, then go again and then complain that going to the therapist is a waste of time. I try to be understanding. They say they want to get better, but then they don't make an effort. I know making an effort is hard for them. Doing things is an uphill battle, but how can they get better if they don't even want to try?

I let them vent, I listen to them, I give suggestions in the appropriate places, I try to encourage them to do things (for instance my mom started fixing the garden 2 weekends ago and I lent her a hand, even though I hate gardening). I give them all the love I can and don't pressure them to do big things, but I feel that all my effort is going down the drain.

My mom and sister are all I have and I don't want to give up on them but on days like today all I want to do is take my dog and move out. I stand by helpless to do anything, except watch as both of them lock each other in their respective rooms and refuse to face life in any way (neither of them have any friends and don't care about making any friends). I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to cry.

Any advice on how to cope or how to help them more, or something would be appreciated.

[kaliope]

Hi MM
You are very patient and loving to tolerate this. but are you giving up your own life to care for them? I hope that you are finding time to have your own life as well so that you don't grow resentful of them. I think you already know that you cannot change them. they seem content where they are at. look to see if there is a NAMI support group in your area. it can help give you tips on coping with living with the mentally ill. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome