[justaguytrying]

Hello all I am new here and just signed up to get some insight on my situation. I am very hesitant to put this out on the internet, but I don’t have any mental health pros in my circle of friends so I figure perhaps I could get some helpful feedback.

Some background on the girl.

Very emotional, very loud, when she laughs, she LAUGHS when something bothers her she reacts explosively, she has no middle ground on emotional expression. I have never seen her react mildly to anything whether it is a good or bad emotion she is displaying at the moment.

She has very bad sleeping problems, and many times will go days on end with barely any sleep at all. She will stay up cleaning or re-arranging the house till 3 -4 in the morning, and then be on time for work the next day.

She often complained about not being able to rest because she constantly had things on her mind and could not stop thinking about things.

She has quit several jobs in the last few years, which I never understood because she is very hard working, and does not seem to have work ethic issues.

After we started going out, she had a period of time where she had extreme stomach pain and vomiting for several days. She said this happens every year or two, and doctors can never figure it out. I took her to the emergency room and they had her all night and concluded nothing was wrong with her at all. ( I don’t even know why I added this it just seemed weird at the time)

She says her mother has a diagnosed mental illness but she does not know what it is.

When I met her mother, the first thing her mother said to her is that she hoped “she did not screw this one up like all the others”.

She did seem to have massive mood swings, I saw this happen on two occasions, everything would be fine and than her countenance completely changes she would get almost a scared look on her face and say that she did not feel good, and she was pretty much a different person for the rest of that day, unhappy, confused and very agitated.

We have known eachother a little under a year, and we only started dating 5 weeks ago. The relationship escalated literally from 0-100 in a matter of days. I never would dream of becoming so emotionally intimate with a woman as fast as we did because I’m pretty sure I would completely overwhelm them but she always raised the bar a notch so I went along with it as I was truly, madly in love with her.

She introduced me to her family and her kids, as her boyfriend and immediately got me involved in her kids lives. We had very in depth conversations about having a life together and me being her kids father which I was fine with as her kids love me. As this was happening I could not believe everything was falling into place so quickly, not that I minded because it felt right and I was happy but I had just never had this level of intimacy with a woman, even girlfriends I had been with for years. She would call me every morning to wake me up and tell me how much she loved and missed me and would call/text me all day long. I would spend hours with her at her house, and when I got back home from her place at night we would talk for hours on the phone.

One day no call in the morning. When I called her she was very short, and had nothing to say. When I saw her later that day, she still kissed me and said she loved me but was very cold. This went on for 4 days. No answers to my texts, barely talking to me at all, and did not want to spend time with me. When I confronted her about it she said she was confused and did not know what was going on but she was going through things, and it had nothing to do with me. I asked her if she was depressed and she got very angry. She said she still loved me but did not think we were gonna work out. I pressed the issue and she said she needed space to figure things out. My friends say she is lying etc, but knowing how dedicated of a mother and person she is I find it very hard to believe this is just a normal (I need space/break up speech) thing especially since she got me involved in the family. Am I wrong to think she may be bipolar and she was just in a Manic episode when we started going out? I have been in a lot of relationships and I have just never seen anyone become such a completely different person like this.

If she is I believe I most likely made a mistake by talking to her while she is in this state of mind, and hopefully I did not drive her away forever. I guess what I am looking for is a tally of opinions on if she fits the bill for being Bi-polar. Right now she is not even talking to me but I am thinking my only hope if she is bipolar is that I can catch her when she comes out of the depressed state at which point I am more than happy to try to make it work, (if she could be convinced to get help of course). Than again maybe she is just evil and its hopeless. Thanks for reading and any advice would be appreciated.

[venusss]

COuld be.... Borderline could also be a possibity, but hard to judge.

[justaguytrying]

COuld be.... Borderline could also be a possibity, but hard to judge.

meaning personality disorder?

[r010159]

Yes, a personality disorder which is different from a mood disorder. I mean to say this in a nice way, but it seems that you are getting yourself involved with a person who has allot of problems. I cannot imagine the children are experiencing a stable home life. I feel sorry for them.

I would focus on her family and learn about her parents. I think you can understand her situation better this way.

FWIW

[justaguytrying]

I mean to say this in a nice way, but it seems that you are getting yourself involved with a person who has allot of problems.

True story there to be sure, but I never judge a woman by any of the proverbial "baggage" she may have. I love this woman, and any baggage she has has only contributed to her being the person I fell in love with. at this point i'm just trying to figure out how to make it work at all if it even can. I thought BP would be rough, but as I am reading up on it, personality disorder sounds so much more intimidating.

[justaguytrying]

I thought BP would be rough, but as I am reading up on it, personality disorder sounds so much more intimidating.

Obviously i did not mean that in a negative way whatsoever toward anyone who suffers from either of these conditions. This is just all new to me.

[justaguytrying]

102 reads and only 2 responses? somone has to have some more feedback

[BioAdoptMom3]

I am NOT a doctor or therapist, nor a mental health professional of any kind, but we have a 14 y/o DD who for almost 3 years was unofficially diagnosed by 2 different doctors and several therapists as having Borderline Personality Disorder Traits (traits since she is a child). Due to bulimia and very frequent suicide ideation and even some attempts we had her admitted for 7 weeks to a residential treatment center. It was there that she was officially diagnosed with bipolar and on the bipolar meds she is becoming the child we knew in elementary school! She had many of the same symptoms you are describing in your GF. BPD and BP do overlap a lot, but the being able to stay awake all night for days on end and racing thoughts screams bipolar to me! Can you lay it on the line and tell her you will only continue to see her if she agrees to see a doctor and accept treatment and therapy? I agree that I would not want to become overly involved with someone who has an UNTREATED mental illness.

Nancy

[justaguytrying]

Originally Posted by BioAdoptMom3

Can you lay it on the line and tell her you will only continue to see her if she agrees to see a doctor and accept treatment and therapy? I agree that I would not want to become overly involved with someone who has an UNTREATED mental illness.
Nancy

best case scenario that is how it would play out. I have a feeling she knows somehting is wrong because when she told me about her mom having issues, she stated that she sometimes wondered if it could happen to her too. She also many times asked me things like "do you ever get confused and not know who you are" or "do you ever stay up all night not able to stop your mind from dwelling on things. at the time I paid no attention to this but now I feel like that may have been her trying to tell me something. maybe subliminal cry for help? or maybe nothing. I just have to try and wait for the right moment and hope she is receptive.

Yeah, borderlines typically don't get the hypo manic staying awake for days type thing.

It is possible to have both though.

[A Red Panda]

Could be both, or something else.

Bipolar doesn't really have mood swings that are reactionary and go from 0-100 in two seconds. That is a Borderline trait. But staying awake for ages is a bipolar trait.

[justaguytrying]

awesome. sounds like I have my work cut out for me

[A Red Panda]

No, your gf has a lot of work cut out for her. Until and unless she goes to see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis, you are pigeon-holing her and making an assumption when she might not have either. You can't diagnose her and it will not help your relationship if you do....

[justaguytrying]

Today we had a really good rational talk. Without me prompting anything she admitted to me that she feels she may be bipolar, and that she actually saw a professional for it once but refused to go through with any of the tests. Apparently her mother is also and she said she often times wonders if she is also, but does not want to go through the whole medical/medication nightmare. I told her that I had absolutely no problem standing by her to support her if she would try and do it. She said she would think about it. Hardest day of my life, but also a little liberating. The waiting game begins... Thanks for the feedback folks, I really appreciate it.

[SunnyMills]

I have a preliminary diagnosis of both and she sounds a lot like me. The only advice that I have is that if you love her, learn what you can and then talk to her. Don't confront her, just have a straight forward and KIND conversation - ask if she feels she needs help, offer your support and then be there for her when she needs you, even if she says she doesn't. Speaking from experience, this is what she needs and what she wants and doesn't know how to ask for. Good luck.

[SunnyMills]

Originally Posted by justaguytrying

Today we had a really good rational talk. Without me prompting anything she admitted to me that she feels she may be bipolar, and that she actually saw a professional for it once but refused to go through with any of the tests. Apparently her mother is also and she said she often times wonders if she is also, but does not want to go through the whole medical/medication nightmare. I told her that I had absolutely no problem standing by her to support her if she would try and do it. She said she would think about it. Hardest day of my life, but also a little liberating. The waiting game begins... Thanks for the feedback folks, I really appreciate it.

Whoops... guess I didn't see this when reading the first time.

Step one is the hardest.. this is a journey that my boyfriend and I are on together as well, so I don't have the answers.. but I've heard that there's a rainbow and a pot of gold on the other side.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

That sounds intense. You, however, sound amazing! Hang in there, dude. She clearly needs help; I hope she's able to see a professional.