[DesperateMomma]

Firstly, I am sorry if I have posted this in the wrong section.

My daughter has had a difficult life. I understand that there have been difficult things she has had to deal with, and still struggles to deal with.

At the end of the day, there is no excuse for abuse. This is where my issue is.
Over the past month, my daughter has became increasingly more difficult. I get it may be hormones playing a part, I also get that things may be on her mind that are causing her stress. She has her SATs coming up. I get that!

But she has verbally abused me in the street, in the garden, in the home etc. daily for at least 4 weeks.
She has also been doing the same with her siblings.
She has been slamming doors, shouting and screaming late at night to deliberately wake the younger kids up.
She has been throwing things, breaking things.
Yesterday she was stamping her foot and thrusting toward me, as though threatening to hit me.
Today, she hit me.

I admit I may have been going on at her a bit. But I am fed up of her ignoring and deliberately not doing anything I ask. I tell her to stop name calling, she does it more. I tell her not to run off, she does it more. I tell her not to swear, she does it more.
Easiest solution - don't tell her to do anything, and let her do what ever she wants.
I have younger children who are watching every bit of this. I need to tell her off, regardless as to whether she listens or not. I need to keep trying to regain control of my daughter.
I need to try and show the younger ones that this behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. More importantly, I need to show her this!
Only she is not budging, and is just stepping up her game. To physically harming me.

I am completely fed up. I broke down today as I just can't take anymore. She has hurt me by grabbing and twisting my wrists, and kicking my knee.
She has humiliated, embarrassed, manipulated, hurt my feelings and threatened me. And my other children. She threatened to kill my 5 year old this morning. I know it may be in rage, but my 5 year old really believed her!

All of this because....she has been falling behind in school, getting in trouble at home, and in school due to her developing a friendship with one girl.
The school sees this friendship as a one that just does not work when they are together. They have separated them, as have I.
This was due to their behavior. Which they had been repeatedly warned about, and told what would happen if it continued.

There was no problems like this before this friendship.

Because of this separation - my daughter ran away. Police brought her home. She kicked off at me as soon as they left. As further punishment, I took the internet away. Which obviously, has created further frustrations.

It is making me ill. I had a social worker, and I spoke to her about it. She says this is a parental issue and not something social services would get involved with, as my boys are fine and I am doing everything right. My daughter is just rebelling against the boundaries I am setting.
But I am really struggling to deal with this on my own.
The school is helping me as much as possible, probably more than they actually should. Which is great. But I don't think that is enough.
I am completely at a loss. I don't even know what this post is going to achieve.
Thanx for listening if you have got this far

[googley]

You need to get your daughter into therapy. When she becomes physically violent or makes threats to harm others take her to the hospital for admission. This is beyond something that you will probably be able to handle on your own. You need professional help.

[hannabee]

My daughter was 16 and acting out as you are describing...I threatened to send her to boarding school and it all stopped immediately!!! I was DEAD SERIOUS and she knew it.

[DesperateMomma]

Thank you for your replies.
I really, really thought about hospital last night because. Not because of the harming others, but because of her behavior being strange and erratic. Only I didn't. The police were due to come out this morning, but I cancelled it.
I know I shouldn't have, and I should have let them come but it just felt like a step too far.

As for boarding school. The school have told her that this kind of behavior can only go on for so long before she will end up having to be removed from the family unit. She was happy with this. So I don't think a threat to boarding school would work for her. I really wish it would.

I spoke to the school this morning, and one of the workers have told me that if this still continues into next week, she will take her herself to a children's home and try and shock her.

She has a therapist, which she has yet to see. I have had the first appointment, and we are still waiting for hers. I have been on the phone this morning telling them about the recent activities. So hopefully this will push things along quicker.

[jenniy122]

Anytime she makes a threat to seriously harm herself or someone else she needs to be taken to the nearest hospital for evaluation for admittance to a psych ward immediately. No ands ifs or buts about it. You can't predict if she's going to escalate and actually go through with it. Whatever your concerns may be that prevented you this time, forget those and think "do I want one of my children dead?"

[BioAdoptMom3]

I agree that she needs to be seen ASAP! Make sure her therapist has a doctor over him or her or can recommend a good one. It honestly sounds like she will need more than just therapy, though that is very important as well. Our 14 y/o daughter had some of these same symptoms beginning at the age of 11and like your family, we have two older sons who are absolutely fine. We thought it was female hormones, the fact that she was adopted and having issues with that and the list goes on, but finally 2 months ago, after admitting her to a residential treatment center (she has now been home for 2 weeks) she was diagnosed with bipolar. You would not believe the difference in her since starting Lithium and Abilify! She is almost the same child she was when she was 8! My heart goes out to you and I hope you can get help for her soon! Having a child with a mental illness cannot be compared to any other kind of stress! and

Nancy