[trytohelp]

Hi,

I'll try to make this as short as I can. I started dating a girl a few months back. We dated like 15 yrs ago. Things moved fast and we basically stayed together for the fist couple of months. She just got a new job and was living at her bosses house who was out of town for the winter. The first or second night she mentioned she had been in an abusive relationship a couple years ago and I had to be gentle with her. Not long after that she said she didn't like herself and had no ego. I really didn't know what that meant but she said I was making her feel good about herself so I didn't really give it any thought.

Things were pretty good for about 2 months. Then her boss came home and she ended up staying in the spare bedroom. From that point she went into over achieving mode for her boss. She worked 6 days a week (which was normal) and every sat night had to go out to dinner with the boss and clients. I was no longer invited to her house. Basically she'd stop by once or twice a week for a couple hours. One time she messaged her boss that she was staying somewhere else when she decided to spend the night.

2 or 3 times on a sat night when she was out with the boss I lost my mind and sent her a bunch of nasty texts. That really pushed her away and now we're not together and don't speak.

Once I gathered myself, I googled low self esteem and over working. On multiple sites I saw things that were word for word how she was going about living her life.

My question is. Now that I see what she's going through and how a low self esteem can have such an effect on someone's life. Is there something I can do or say to her? Should I say something to her? Do I try to be a friend and a nice guy or just walk away and let her live her life as she see's fit?

Thanks for any advice.

[glok]

Hello, trytohelp. Your friend is not speaking to you. It is her life. Unless she initiates the contact, my suggestion is you have none.

[trytohelp]

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, trytohelp. Your friend is not speaking to you. It is her life. Unless she initiates the contact, my suggestion is you have none.

From what I've seen I know she quickly runs away from things instead of facing them. She's called an ex many years later to say she felt bad for how she treated him when they were together. Another ex text her and she started crying because she felt bad. After we reconnected after not speaking for 12 yrs she said she was worried about how she was going to feel and if she was over what happened 12 yrs ago.

So there's a history of her not getting closure and letting things weigh on her mind for many years.

It seems a bit selfish but I think you may be right. Let her deal with her own life.

Thanks!

[Travelinglady]

Hi, trytohelp, and welcome to Psych Central! I am afraid you burned the bridge to her when you sent her the nasty messages.

Let's hope she will come to realize that she has low self-esteem and seek out help through therapy.

[A Red Panda]

The best thing you can do for her is respect her wish to no longer communicate with you. If she contacts you again in the future then it's her call. Like the above post, you burned your bridges with her when you sent her nasty texts and showed a high degree of jealousy. Contacing her would likely just increase her anxiety level.

[trytohelp]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

showed a high degree of jealousy.

Interesting. After over 2 months of her going out with her boss every weekend and not freeing up a day even after I asked but still saying how much she wanted to be with me, I never thought about my jealousy. It's a good point and I'll have to think on that.

Thanks for the help everybody! I have to agree, I burnt my own bridge.

Travelinglady - she has been to therapy in the past, I'm not sure for what though. She mentioned, not liking herself, no ego, the problems she had with her father.... I just googled what she had told me and found page after page of exactly how she lives her life. I assume she knows she has low self esteem. She changed jobs to work on herself and work less hours so she had more time to do things for herself. I don't think she realizes she fell into the same pattern of putting her new boss on a pedestal and living her life for her.

It's interesting how the mind works.