[megatron10]

How do I cope with my bipolar addict husband? I don't even know where to begin. Background info, he's bipolar, been on meds and being treated for over 10 years now. Has a substance abuse problem, been sober for 6 years until recently.
He's going through a major depressive cycle which is spinning out of control. He tried to kill himself last week with pills and alcohol. I had to find out about this recent suicide attempt from hacking into his email, he had NO intentions of ever telling me....and we are married and have a son. There is no regard for his family. He is lying to me constantly, won't let me help, shutting me out. He is currently admitted getting help at the hospital but I am lost. I have been dealing with this for 6 long years, I am emotionally drained. I am constantly berated, verbally abused, neglected. There is no room for my problems, for my issues.
How can I trust someone who nearly took his life and thought it wasn't necessary to tell me about it? How do we get through this cycle...I know we have been there before but it just feels worst now that we have a son. I am beginning to get very angry, resentful, turning into the anti-caregiver. I am no good support....is this the end? I am so lost.

[kaliope]

hi megatron
I am so sorry for your struggles. living with a bipolar can be very challenging. I know I turned to alcohol to medicate myself during my cycles and sorry to say, families feelings do not even enter our minds while cycling. we make very bad, impulsive, selfish choices. you need to take care of yourself and that child. what is in that boys best interest? what do you need to do to keep him safe? what do you need to do to maintain a happy stable life for him?with treatment, can your husband play a role in this? what role will he play? you have decisions to make. hard ones. that child should be your first priority. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[Victoria'smom]

How can I trust someone who nearly took his life and thought it wasn't necessary to tell me about it?

It hurts really, really bad. It'll take months/year to forgive and every time he gets depressed you'll worry. I found out by accident about a month after his attempt and knowing I provided the tools. There is no regard for his family. He is lying to me constantly, won't let me help, shutting me out. Because he's sick and not thinking properly.

You really need to think about getting therapy for yourself. Look into NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy . remember you are his wife not his Dr or therapist let them deal with his bipolar. You are his wife and sometimes a tatltale, if you both go to couples therapy. Hang out here, you need to reach out in as much as possible here and in your day to day life. You may want to look into alanon.

If he mistreats you that's not part of the illness. It can happen inside an episode but if that's his default behavior then you need to separate. When he gets out he needs to do a step down day program, then go to therapy and group. He doesn't have enough support to be an equal partner in the relationship.

[A Red Panda]

When I'm depressed, I don't think I'd tell someone I loved about an attempted OD. I'd be too embarassed and worried about making them angry or paranoid - which are the last things I want/need when in that bad of a depression.

That said - the way he is treating you is completely inappropriate and abusive. Having bipolar doesn't give any of us the excuse to be abusive, although in the middle of a mania (particularily if there is psychosis present) then it's a somewhat different matter as the person isn't in their normal state of being at all.

But if this is how he treats you all the time? That's just simply abusive and not really connected to the bipolar.

Like others said.... you need to look at your son's needs. Is your home life a happy and safe one for him? Therapy for yourself could possibly be really helpful. Do you make sure that you do things just for yourself that you enjoy?

Don't neglect yourself while trying to manage him - he needs to be in charge of himself, along with his medical team. The only way you could really help is to contact his doctor if he won't do it himself.

I hope the hospital stay will help him move past the substance abuse relapse... that is never, ever helpful!!

[megatron10]

Thanks for all the responses I greatly appreciate it. To answer some questions he is not this way outside of the episodes. He is always very paranoid and anxious but he doesn't mistreat me when things are good. I have a hard time dealing with all the selfishness that is involved with him at this time but I guess I need to realize that he can't help it. I'm very scared what is Going to happen when he gets out of the hospital. I am trying my best to focus my attention on my son and provide him with what he needs but my mind is pulled in the direction of my sick husband who I love dearly. With saying that our home is a very safe happy place for our toddler and he's a very pleasant little boy, he's about the only thing keeping me going at this point.
I used to seek therapy years back during his last episode but have stopped, but that's an option for me without a doubt. Its hard to focus on.oneself when I have 2 very dependant people on me, trying to maintain a balance has been hard. I have been visiting him in the hospital but he's not really there, or responsive. Still very sick, still not wanting to wake up. Its so hard to see him like that. I understand I cannot ask anything if him nor can He give me anything right now but it's difficult to stay positive and to see the light at the end.

[Victoria'smom]

I know, an anti psychotic can help with paranoia and anxiety. I really think that you need to stay in therapy so you can take care of yourself and figure out when he cycles. There is a light at the end he can't promise there won't be darkness but with help it won't be as dark.

[megatron10]

He is on an anti psychotic but it's been months of trying to figure out which medications will and won't work. Its been a long process and unfortunately there isn't much mental health support where we live, it is at least a 2 year wait list to see a psychiatrist. He had found a good mix of new meds only to find out our insurance wouldn't cover it and it simply wasn't affordable for our family. They have to treat him at the hospital he is at now and he's been seing a new psychiatrist so let's hope the new meds help, eventually. I will seek help.