[lopekris]

My just turned 7 year old (with ADHD) has been refusing to sleep in her own bed for over a year. She is scared of being alone, bad guys coming into house and shadows. My husband wants her out of our bed. Has anyone done helpful tips to get child to sleep alone? Or how many out there let their child sleep with them to ease or soothe fears? Is there longterm harm to kids development?

Any help?

Thx. Kris

[Travelinglady]

Hi, lopekris, and welcome to Psych Central! I am thinking it would be best for your child and for your marriage if your daughter can sleep in her own room, especially at her age. Unless there's something I don't know, I don't think this issue is related to her being ADHD. You might want to ask this question, then, in the Healthy Parenting forum, to see what they say. Maybe they willl have some stories to tell. Here's the link: Healthy Parenting - Forums at Psych Central.

And here's a list of recommended reading for this issue: https://search.yahoo.com/yhs/search;...homerun_portal.

I hope your little one can slumber alone soon.

[Perna]

I had a good friend (actually a high school/best friend's twin brother) with your issue and he is now divorced :-( Good article: The Impact of Chronic Co-Sleeping With an Older Child | Psychology Today

[A Red Panda]

(Disclaimer: I'm not a parent!)

Co-sleeping that late into your child's life can have a hugely harmful impact on your marriage - especially as your husband is expressing discomfort. It can also encourage depedency in your child.

Ultimately, it's a short-term solution to a long-term problem that she's having, and there's nothing being done to solve the actual issue - her worries!

That said, cutting her out of the room cold-turkey won't work very well. Why not talk to her about it and about how much fun it would be if she could sleep in her own room - sleepovers! Maybe start with getting her a little bed and shoving it into your bedroom for a little while: she'll be sleeping in your bedroom, but it won't be in your bed.

Then maybe get her like a baby monitor (that can go two ways, but not always because then you and your husband can actually have some intimacy and privacy back) and/or walkie talkies. Work it out where well, the extra bed is still in the room. She's bound to come running in without using the walkie talkies at least for a while. As long as she knows she has to jump into her bed, not yours by that point.

Encourage her to use the walkie talkies to message with you (hopefully you're light enough sleepers to wake up to it or this won't work!) and then you can talk her through staying in her room.

Does she have a lot of nightlights in her room? If not, get her some and/or let her keep the lights on. If she's worried about people coming in to her room, then maybe find her some motion-sensor lights (there are some for dark hallways/stairways) that you could set up in her room near her door - if someone was to come in, the light would turn on.

But yeah. Slow steps. But if your husband is uncomfortable and unhappy, then it's time to start enforcing the change.

[venusss]

Does she have a lot of nightlights in her room? If not, get her some and/or let her keep the lights on. If she's worried about people coming in to her room, then maybe find her some motion-sensor lights (there are some for dark hallways/stairways) that you could set up in her room near her door - if someone was to come in, the light would turn on.

the nightlights can screw with the sleep patterns though. Brain doesn't fully fall asleep unless it's really dark....

[winter4me]

It sounds as though something happened a year ago.
I don't know if this helps but, you actually have to put her to bed in her bed each night, and having a ritual helps; this is going to be tough because it has gone on a long time (there are cultures in which families sleep together, and sometime economics dictates, but what you describe is a problem)----I can remember that my kids were satisfied, when they expressed concern to us about monsters, with us putting a big sign on the bedroom door "NO MONSTERS ALLOWED"---they were at an age when rules mattered (6-7)----we also read to them each night, ---at times my son had some anxiety about sleep, and I would stroke his hair---he would fall asleep. If they came to us we would hold them and reassure them, and bring them back to their bed (this was rare)...
I think the parents forum might be good---I am sure much is forgotten---my kids are now very wonderful grownups. You might want to talk with her about it during the day, not wait, and engage her in setting up a plan to get to her own bed each night.