[brenda658]

Hi,

For the past 4 years I have been dating my boyfriend. His mom most definitely has BPD with Narcissistic Disorder and unfortunately, her behavior and rages are now affecting us. She is a single mother (60 years old) who is ultra dependent on my boyfriend and treats him like he is a husband figure. He had to move out of her house at age 30 to basically get some independence and to help improve their relationship.

She is on anti-depressants and goes to a psychiatrist which is good, but she definitely has not accepted that she has BPD. Her husband, (who does not live in her house) is bi polar and their relationship is very turbulent to say the least b/c she usually shouts at him and he flees to his apt.

Recently she has been alone in her house and has been calling my boyfriend crying b/c she is alone and has a fear of dying alone. Unfortunately, she has not let anyone else in her life other than my boyfriend b/c she is ultimately ashamed of herself and will not admit to people that she needs help.

It is a lot for my boyfriend to bear and I honestly think that it is not fair for him to take the brunt of her moods and also give money to her and her husband whenever they are in a bind. They have both gone to therapy in the past and it wasn't that helpful b/c she would deny everything my boyfriend brought up.

Now, she has a habit of calling my boyfriend almost daily (sometimes several times a day) and calls us when we are on vacations. She expects my boyfriend to be available whenever she wants to come over and has a tantrum if he isn't free or has to change the time or day. In her mind, she thinks that she is being rejected or unloved.

How can my boyfriend set clear boundaries with his mom? I have a fear that once we get married and she retires, her emotional outbursts will get worse. I am reading more about BPD to educate myself on the disorder to help me understand his mom better and I would appreciate any help!

Many Thanks