I feel like a failure!

My spouse Nancy fell last night. I had already gone to bed, I was so tired. She is unable to scream very loudly. But she was able to get my sons attention. She was on the floor partially nude. I looked her over she is going to be bruised. But her biggest bruise will be to her pride.
If I had been strong enough to stay awake this would have never happened. I feel terrible that she got hurt and I was not awake. I never want her to go to a nursing home. Her T and pdoc think she is beyond care at home. But because I am a nurse they think she will be ok. Just feeling like crap right now.

You are not a failure sweetie. Taking care of someone who is very sick 24 hours a day is very hard and surely can drained you.

You need sleep too. If you don't rest you will not be able to take care of her.

She is lucky in a way to have you!

Love you!

Dearheart, you are NO failure, human yes. you are doing the best you can for all.

Hello LILITH.
I hope you feel better soon. All you can do is all you can do at times. I am sure you do the best you can do and have no need to be so negative at this time about what happened. I hope the best for you LILITH. Take care Soidhonia

You are most certainly not a failure... your post shows that you are a kind and loving person..

caregivers wear out, they have to have sleep.... it is not something that anyone can help.... the body craves sleep..

pls don't beat yourself up so...

(hugs)

freewill

Oh Sweet Lilith. YOU are NOT a failure at all. You take such good care of her and neglect yourself too often to do so.

It's no wonder you're tired, you're only human and do have to rest sometimes. Is there a way to keep her home and bring in more help? You can't possibly keep up without help dear.

You're a truly beautiful soul.

Love and Hugs,
Annabelle

My stepmother was always worried about her mother and their doctor taught my stepmother how to walk with her more effectively but pointed out that no matter what, you can't catch someone when they're falling 100% of the time because of the sudden, unexpectedness of it. It's not a "fault" and you didn't fail, I don't feel, no matter if you're a doctor! It happens. It's like any other fall, your own or another's; you help the person up and continue. It's unfortunate but not worth wasting time feeling guilty about.

Thinking of the Veterans Hospital problems and the Congressional Hearing, etc. where it was mentioned one poor guy had been allowed to fall out of bed THREE times. You aren't going to let that happen, now you know it's a problem you'll be more alert and figure out some ways to help (a clicker or bell or some loud buzzer to carry in her pocket so she can "call" for help easier).

It sounds like you are very caring but don't hurt yourself/beat yourself over this; you need your own self regard and health to be effective.

Lilith, dear Lilith, you aren't a failure. you're a good human being with a wonderful heart. if i lived nearby, i'd help you.......xoxoxo pat

Sometimes life comes so fast that we must take time to rest, so that we may care for those we love the most. She may have a bruised ego, but she knows how much you love her and care for her. It is clear the dedication you have for her and remaning in her own home. A failure is one whom walks away and never looks back...clearly you have been her savior for some time. If you would like to chat further, don't hesitate to contanct me>

http://www.hope4aparent.com (Scheduled Counsel)
http://www.kasamba.com/Kristie-Guthrie (Instant LIVE Counsel)

Your In My Thoughts,

Kristie Guthrie MS, PC

My heart goes out to you. I am sure you are doing a first class job - it is just so hard to believe that YOURSELF sometimes. Hope you are feeling a little better about things today.

( have you tried a mattress on the floor itself ? We had to do that eventually with Dad. We wouldn't have thought of it ourselves but when he was in hospital the nurses rang me and asked whether they could do that with him because he was falling/climbing out of bed so often. He was quite happy about it and it did help so we adopted the same thing at home. We are in a very hot climate though, so perhaps where you are, that might be too cold ? Anyway, just a thought)

Take care and be kind to yourself - it sets a good example for others to follow suit !

Lillith, don't beat yourself up over it. Things happen. Is there a way you could get a respite person in a couple nights a week so you can sleep without worrying about her? I did this when I was caring for my mother. Sometimes I could sleep and sometimes I couldn't, but what sleep I got helped tremendously.

You need to take care of yourself, too.

You are absolutely not a failure. Im sorry this happened but it was an accident and definately not your fault

hI, i UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL. My situation is tedious too but tonight I really goofed when I tried to put my daughter in her stander at 11:00 pm-we usually stay up late and she is 3 with a past history of meningitis and seizures but recently the seizures are gone due to a stem cell treatment we got. I am recently overwhelmed and racked with guilt for not putting her in the stander days ago-I tend to be obsessive compulsive because I think I am helping her and this time my brain really snapped and I wasnt thinking properly and when I put her in the stander she fell backward and thank God she didnt hit her head on the hard floor. But I'm so shaken by this incident. I recently stopped taking Prozac and have anxiety and now I see its clouded my mind so I cant think straight and I have lost confidence in being able to take care of my daughter Kyla. I'm so depressed right now-I need a live in aid to keep me sane and to help me organize her therapy. I'm 44 and kind of recently felt burned out and like Im in a mid life crisis. I have a husband with heart problems and were seperated and at times I overwhelmed living with my 75 year old father and stroked mother. I'm definitely thinking of going back to my shrink tomorrow for more pills and Im not really sure if this is the right answer solely. I wont have any money to really hire a good live in aid until possibly a month from now. I hope I can hold on. My daughter is 32 lbs and its hard getting her into and out of the car seat without her getting apprehensive. I fear recently that I could drop her in the parking lot. She doesnt walk and I feel Im not the best mom because of my emotional problems right now. I just need a break to recuperate. Should I not go to the park and not take her anywhere for a while. We have a slew of therapist who come in and they can be depressing and annoying too. Im almost brain washed from other therapist to be this robot therapy mom or else my child will never walk. I also am alife insurance agent who needs to finish ce credits for recertification by the 30th so Im under so much pressure. Anyone with some advice to help me with this load of guilt and feelings of worthlessness. By the way I ran out of Prozac and was not able to keep my shrink appointment because I had so much family stress that day.

(((hugs)) to all who need them.

Learning our own limitations and keeping to them is an important part of good self care. Realizing that we do have limits is not easy to accept. We do the best we can for the time and event. If that "best" isn't safe enough for the ones in our care, additional help is needed. Many ppl can't find or afford that help financially.

What does the "patient" say about the situation?

I'm glad no one was seriously injured. Things like this do happen alot, btw, even with outside expert nursing care.

Do your best to plan for better care, for both the patient and yourself!!!
Doing what you need to do to keep yourself healthy is just as important as the care you give.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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(((((((lilith)))))))) i so understand how you feel. i helped my mom and grandma take care of my grandpa years ago, when he had alzhiemer's. we even had a caregiver come twice every week (or more if necessary). one time, i was alone with my grandma and i was helping her get him ready for bed when he suddenly wouldn't stand anymore. i was strong enough to just ease him to the floor. since my grandma is old and i had bad knees at that time, we called the medics to come and lift him into the bed. you can't catch a person, but easing them down can still be risky. my grandpa passed away in his home 4 years ago. we did the best we could to keep him comfortable. lilith, you are not a failure. you need rest. without rest, you wouldn't be able to care for nancy. seriously. i commend you, though. if i was in her position, i wouldn't want my fall or condition to hurt my loved ones. i would want them to rest.