[HelpSeeker1982]

Hi all,

feeling lost, need some advice please

english isn't my 1st language so please be kind to grammar and typos.

i'm dating my fiance for 5 years (i'm in the low 30es, she is in the high 20es)
when she was a teenager she had a mental breakdown that took a few years to recover.
when we met she was an amazing person, full of happyness, joy and positivness with some mild fear issues (fear of going alone in the dark , extereme fear of dogs etc.).
3 years ago she had a severe OCD condition that concentrated majorly around death. she quitted her job, refused to go out of the house, refused to eat, to meet our friends and her family and acted really really weird- asking the same question 10 time in a row, refused to enter differnt places etc. (she didnt shared the reason with me at the time, i found that she has OCD only recently).
after around a year or so she got better and her life our relationship came back to ~80% normal (during the hard year i was some kind of a carer, without knowing that)
yet, there are a lot of differnet compulsories remained, specially when there is some kind of a pressure (positive or negative) involved (moving to a new apartment, traveling abroad, marriage proposal etc.).
every time i go to a cemetary (my family tradition is to visit our buried ancestors3 times a year)- there is a crazy ceremony at home, my car and personal stuff are deeply cleaned (she washing money notes, i need to take a special shower etc.
she has a difficulties to sleep in the forecoming week and acting like crazy all the time.
of course a lot of topics that relating to death, religion, afterlife etc. are benned from discuussion.
she refuses to take any med's and to go to a therapist (she sais that she tried a few therapist in the past and its only made her condition worse) and she says that she can care of herself, as a proof she explains that she overcomed the low stage she was in 3 years a go.
after few "good" month, i asked her hand in last december. since then, something go wrong.
she is moving constantly from "up" to "down" moode. every small good thing is making her extremly happy and every small thing extremely sad. it is really hard to comunicate with her.
we had not had a sexual relations since December. i can count on the fingers of one hand the times we kissed. it barely feels like relationship.
i feel im starting to give up, cause i can bearly see any positive future together.
now the questions-
is it possible to deal with OCD with out any med's and CBT therapy?
is it reasonable from my side to be afraid to marry her?
is it reasonble to assume that person in mild OCD condition will be able to raise normal kids?
the repeatedly says that under pressure she cant think rationaly, but she still insist that we do stuff as she think it can be. ideas how to handle this?

thank you!

[Travelinglady]

Hi, HelpSeeker1982, and welcome! I think the answer to all of your questions is "No." She definitely needs professional help. I don't think you would be able to help her as her boyfriend. And, as you see, a normal relationship with her is impossible.

Let's see what other folks say.