[Paisley May]

I am having problems setting boundaries with my mother, who most likely has narcissistic personality disorder. She wants to visit me, and I do not want her to come. I told her reasons why the timing is bad, and she just replies as if she is just going to plan her trip anyway.

Hello Paisley May: We old folks can sometimes become a bit... shall we say... set in our ways? Or perhaps: "rigid"? I don't know that I have any particularly good suggestions for you with regard to this situation. I guess if this is really a bad time for your mother to visit, it sounds like you're going to have to be firm with her & tell her in no uncertain terms she can't come now.

If possible, perhaps the two of you could agree on another time for her to visit so she doesn't feel completely rejected (assuming that there is some other time that would be better, of course.) Is it possible there is something going on that is causing her to be adamant about visiting now? Is there anyone else in the family who could speak with her & to whom she might be more inclined to listen? Good luck with this. Parents can be tough to deal with...

[JadeAmethyst]

Dear Paisley Mae

I can relate to your experience, it's a challenge to be sure. A long time ago, my parents planned a trip to visit, and I explained it wasn't a good time for me: just moved, overtime at work, and lots of life happening....they were determined to visit, showed up in the middle of the day when I was at work.

It was a time when they were both quite elderly (but this had happened before).

Visit was bittersweet, and while it wasn't the best time, it wasn't the worst time either. And, yes as we age, we like being us oldsters. Traditions have changed over time and you have an opportunity here.

Good Luck
Jade