[helplovesupport]

My live in boyfriend of 3 years was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in September of this year, after a failed suicide attempt. He was hospitalized, did outpatient program and was back on track and happier than I had ever seen him. I noticed he had dipped into a manic cycle and asked if he had been taking his medications which he said "sometimes". I counted them and he had missed the previous 5 doses. I let him know how important it is for him to be consistent and he agreed. Fast forward to a week later, he tells me that his mental health is depleting, and I am right; he needs to focus on himself and stay with his parents (he is 29, they live about 3 miles from us) for a period time bc he can't offer the support I deserve in the relationship and in a partner.

We have a fantastic relationship, I can count the amount of times on one hand we have gotten into an argument and they're always rectified before bedtime. We never go to sleep mad. I saw him for the first time in two weeks on Monday night to give him some of his mail and the moment we locked eyes, we both started bawling. Said we missed and loved each other but he couldn't come home yet and needed to really be focusing on himself, which I agreed with, although it hurts like hell for him to not be there.

Last night, he texted me asking if I had thought about anything I was going to do with our apartment; as in, giving it up and moving out since the rent is too much for me to handle alone. I have already made a plan of working extra hours and possibly getting a second job to be able to stay at our place, it is the only security I have. He has only taken 3 bags of clothes with him to his parents and has not come to collect anything else in about 2 weeks time. In my heart, I know he loves me deeply. I know he wants our relationship but knows he CANT do it right now, which I get. All I am having a hard time grasping is why, on Monday, he was crying in my arms saying he loves and misses me and then yesterday, asking what I plan to do about moving out/moving on. The emotions are SO back and forth and we had another huge crying conversation last night with me telling him I am okay on the back burner until he's ready for this relationship to continue.

My question is, I know his medication takes 4-6 weeks to fully get into his system and he has only been taking it religiously (I THINK) for 2 weeks. Only been to 1 therapy session and it's seeming to help but he clearly needs much more. Am I being completely naive to think after he kind of gets his head on straight, so to speak, he will be able to come back home and work on US once his mental state is better? I have given him no time limits, no "rules"; he just knows I clearly love and miss him. When I get to asking him what he ultimately wants, he says "I don't know babe". So clearly, he isn't thinking clearly. Anyone been in a situation like this or have any words of wisdom to offer me? Thanks for reading this all.

[Justugh]

hi nice lady

just know the starting of the pills does not mean it will get better when they build up lvls ........he will be bouncing around on different pills for a few months until finds a set works for him ........any luck it only a couple months total or could be a few years

as for him not knowing what he wants better get use to that side effects of the meds kind of take away parts of us

only thing i can offer to help is .......kidnap him for a day of fun now and then both of u will need it .........as for u guys place u might think of getting a smaller one due to the time factor is a unknown for how long it will take him to get back strait from this adventure into bi polar world

[music junkie]

Originally Posted by helplovesupport

Last night, he texted me asking if I had thought about anything I was going to do with our apartment; as in, giving it up and moving out since the rent is too much for me to handle alone. I have already made a plan of working extra hours and possibly getting a second job to be able to stay at our place, it is the only security I have. He has only taken 3 bags of clothes with him to his parents and has not come to collect anything else in about 2 weeks time. In my heart, I know he loves me deeply. I know he wants our relationship but knows he CANT do it right now, which I get. All I am having a hard time grasping is why, on Monday, he was crying in my arms saying he loves and misses me and then yesterday, asking what I plan to do about moving out/moving on. The emotions are SO back and forth and we had another huge crying conversation last night with me telling him I am okay on the back burner until he's ready for this relationship to continue.

This is something you will have to come to terms with, because it may only get so much better. It may never go back to being 100% as it was "before". My gf has bipolar, & she's the same way. When she gets in a certain mood, everything is "Why are you with me?" & "Leave then!". But we're still together, regardless. Honestly, you just have to learn not to take everything personally. I know that sounds dumb, because it's a relationship & of course it is personal, but it's the truth. You will have to learn to separate what is just the illness talking & what is really coming from the person you love.

Right now it's probably hard for your bf because he doesn't understand what's going on, either, & he probably feels like he's wasting your time staying with you when you could be moving on to someone who's not "sick" or "damaged". But only you can decide when you have had enough or how much you are willing to put up with to be with this person. It was very hard for me, because she went undiagnosed for a long time, & it was horribly difficult to understand her behaviors. But now that she's been diagnosed & been on medication for quite a while, she's very close to the person she was when I met her. But not exactly the same person. There are just some things that are not going to go back to the way they were, & it was hard for both of us to accept. But once we did, it made our lives a lot easier.

Originally Posted by helplovesupport

My question is, I know his medication takes 4-6 weeks to fully get into his system and he has only been taking it religiously (I THINK) for 2 weeks. Only been to 1 therapy session and it's seeming to help but he clearly needs much more. Am I being completely naive to think after he kind of gets his head on straight, so to speak, he will be able to come back home and work on US once his mental state is better? I have given him no time limits, no "rules"; he just knows I clearly love and miss him. When I get to asking him what he ultimately wants, he says "I don't know babe". So clearly, he isn't thinking clearly. Anyone been in a situation like this or have any words of wisdom to offer me? Thanks for reading this all.

I don't think you are being completely naive, but I just don't want you to think of the medication as a 100% fix. This may or may not be the right combination of meds for your bf. It can take some bipolar patients years to get the right combination. Luckily, it only took my gf about a year to find hers, but that's still a year out of your lives, know what I mean? In the meantime, some meds may make your bf's behavior worse, or may only improve them a small amount, or maybe do nothing at all. Of course, he has to take them, too...

In theory, yes, he will be able to come home & pursue a normal life with you. You wouldn't know my gf has bipolar if she didn't tell you. She graduated from college, she works full-time, she has a good relationship with me, she spends time with her family, etc. So yes, he can come home & start to work on repairing your relationship. But in my limited opinion, the bipolar will never be a "set it & forget it" type of thing. (Especially the meds. Bipolar patients are notorious for going off their meds, so that may or may not become a constant struggle for you. My gf has taken herself off her meds a couple of times, & it wasn't particularly fun. In general, though, she knows that as much as she hates them, she has to take them, & so she does.)