[TraciB]

My 12 year old son struggles in school, especially math. I recently hired him a tutor and he put my son through a lot of tests and said he knows everything he is being tested on. So on one on one with a tutor, he does great, but one on one with a parent or in class he really struggles and his grades show it. When you ask him, he says he doesn't know why. I am starting to wonder if this is more a mental health issue than an academic one. Any advice, would be greatly appreciated.

He has been through so much in his short life lifetime, including his father molesting his 3 year old sister, to separation from me, his mom due to this and living with a Grandmother who gets mad and tells a lot and some physical abuse for a substantial length of time, thank God, he is back home, but we have a lot to work out and through.

[Little Lulu]

I have a nephew who is 14 and has the same school issues - testing shows he can do the work but he can't seem to perform well at school. I feel sure that what he is has school and test anxiety. He has had some family issues also - no sexual or physical abuse issues - but some instability. That said, he was reluctant to try new things, even when he was a toddler, and as he got older avoided team sports due to fear so I think he is hard-wired this way.

Of course your son doesn't know why he has this issue. He is too young to get it. You are already doing your part by working on your issues and providing the stability kids need to thrive plus a tutor. The next step might be to find a good child psychologist to consult about where to go from here. Maybe you go to an appointment or two without him and see what they say.

Best wishes.

[TraciB]

Your nephew sounds very similar, Trey is also reluctant to join sports, but this year he is showing interest in basketball, so I am hiring a coach to give him one on one lessons to grow his confidence before we discuss joining anything. I put him straight in basketball as soon as he showed interest, he went to one and wouldn't go back, he claims everyone was laughing at him. I know they weren't, but I also know that if he believes that, there is no chance of changing his mind and trying to convince him otherwise. I will set up an appointment with his doctor and discuss the possibility of having a psychologist join our team, thanks!