[HurtSister717]

Can I post here? I'm at my wits end and I don't feel like I have anywhere else to turn.

I am an adult woman. I'm married and have two kids.

I have one older brother. He STILL lives at home. He is in his mid 30's. He has never moved out of my parents home. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at a young age (teenage years), before that he had been given the diagnosis of ADHD at the age of 5.

His bipolar disorder basically runs my parents lives. They are getting older now and I am afraid that they will die from the stress that my brother constantly causes them.

He doesn't work. He dropped out of school long ago. He sits on his butt playing video games or watching pornography. He engages in sexual behavior with strangers off the internet. He is a total slob, and has completely destroyed the downstairs of my parents house. It's absolutely disgusting down there. Trash, dirty clothes, used dishes, cat poop etc.

To make this all worse, about a year and a half ago he came home with some girl that my parents had never met. He had married her. He moved her in to my PARENTS home. She also has mental illness.

Now my parents have TWO adults living in their home. Neither of them work. Neither of them clean up after themselves.

My parents both work hard, working 40 hours a week. And then they have to come home and clean up the disgusting messes left behind by my brother and his wife.

My brother and his wife use my parents cars. My parents give them money. My brother and his wife eat all the food in the house. My mom literally has to hide food or she won't have any food to eat. My brother's wife steals from my parents. She steals money from their wallets and purses and she steals my mom's clothes (one time my mom had a brand new outfit, still with tags on, still in the shopping bag, and my brother's wife took it and was wearing it around the house. My mom confronted her and she denied taking the outfit from her!)

Why do my parents put up with all of this? Because anytime my parents ask him to clean up after himself, or to look for a job, or do ANYTHING besides sit on his butt, he FREAKS out and threatens suicide. He'll break things. He's broken my parents computers, their tvs, his own playstation or xbox (which he made my parents pay to replace). Once he threw something at my mom. He'll grab a knife and hold it to himself and threaten to kill himself. Or he'll run out of the house towards the nearest bridge and say he's going to jump off the bridge and kill himself.

I've told my parents that he is manipulating them. He uses his threats of suicide as a way of controlling them. But they don't see it that way. They are really afraid he will hurt himself. So they back off. And things go back to the way they are.

Last week my mom told him that him and his wife have 6 months to get jobs or they need to move out. He freaked out, ran towards the nearest bridge, threatening to kill himself. My mom called 911 and they admitted him involuntarily to the psych center. He was there for two days.

Now that he's out, he posted a VERY long rant on facebook, publicly accusing my parents of not caring about him or his mental illness. He posted a whole list of reasons why he can't work.

I just can't stand this situation any longer. I can't stand to see my parents treated so badly. They are the sweetest people ever. I am very close to them and it hurts my heart to see him manipulate and control them.

What can I do??

[Victoria'smom]

Look into public housing. Does he get ssi? Is he on meds? seeing a therapist? It sounds like at the very least he needs partial hospitalization. If the threatens suicide call the cops, each and every time. Your parents shouldn't live in fear. Can you and your parents foot the bill for a cheap studio until he gets hud? It can be in a shady area, and an hour away because it doesn't sound like he goes out often. Your parents need to set rules and get rid of the cats(or not allow them down there. Get them a mini fridge. He needs professional support to grow out of the teenage years. Clean his living area and treat him like he's five. Who has to clean his room weekly.

[HurtSister717]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Look into public housing. Does he get ssi? Is he on meds? seeing a therapist? It sounds like at the very least he needs partial hospitalization. If the threatens suicide call the cops, each and every time. Your parents shouldn't live in fear. Can you and your parents foot the bill for a cheap studio until he gets hud? It can be in a shady area, and an hour away because it doesn't sound like he goes out often. Your parents need to set rules and get rid of the cats(or not allow them down there. Get them a mini fridge. He needs professional support to grow out of the teenage years. Clean his living area and treat him like he's five. Who has to clean his room weekly.

Thank you very much for you response! I was worried I wasn't going to get any responses. So it's very much appreciated. I've already forwarded some of your ideas to my mom.

He does not get SSI. He applied and was turned down. My mom was told (by someone, I don't know who) that he needs to appeal it. But he won't do it because he told my mom that "he can work" (which makes no sense since his rant on facebook included multiple reasons why he didn't think that he could work.)

He is getting meds from the psyche center that he was admitted to. He's been off and on all kinds of meds through the years. But he either doesn't like the side effects, claims the meds don't work, or claims that he's been "healed" and is better. I'm not sure if he sees a therapist.

[dancinglady]

Totally agree if they won't call the cops then u do it. He will eventually have enough consequences or maybe not. U r in the same position I am u can't get people to change their behavior. They have to want it. Your parents brother and wife are adults.

[HurtSister717]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Totally agree if they won't call the cops then u do it. He will eventually have enough consequences or maybe not. U r in the same position I am u can't get people to change their behavior. They have to want it. Your parents brother and wife are adults.

That's very true, they definitely need to want to change for themselves. My mom is really starting to need a change in the situation. But my dad is still very much stuck in the "enabling" mode. My mom and I talked to my dad yesterday and he just kept defending my brother, using his mental illness as the excuse for his behavior.

[Victoria'smom]

depending on their age maybe protective services need to intervene

[dancinglady]

Very good point. If they are above I think age 55, adult protective services could look into helping your parents. If there are outside agencies, then maybe it will be a MAJOR wake up call for your brother and his wife. I would not be too hopeful, these are unpaid social workers with huge caseloads and unless there is physical abuse, your parents' case may go to the bottom of the pile.

[HurtSister717]

That might be something I should look into. My dad is over 55 and my mom will be this year. But like you said, without physical abuse they'd probably go to the bottom of the pile.