[Sojourner777]

Quickly:

Married 26 years to one woman. Over that time constant belittling, control, extreme jealousy, which became worse. "Kitchen sinking" became evident. Always brought up same 2-3 incidents where I did not introduce her to a couple of people and an incident where I said hello to a pretty neighbor (that's all that happened!).

We have two grown kids, one 14-year-old son. She is from the Philippines.

In last seven years, had to change channel all the time because female newsreader, female in ad, etc. Accusations of looking at girls all the time when walking outside (not aware of it). Always needed to hold her had 24/7 or else the "silent treatment." She would get angry at me claiming women were looking at me. Never could go to the beach or walk past cafes since pretty women might be sitting there.

She is totally obsessed with boobs and cleavage and even insisted her cousin remove a picture from his FB page of a girl with a bikini, which is the point at which I said enough is enough and told her to leave.

Cannot touch on tender topics our of fear. I cannot respond without risking a big blow-up. Arguments very volatile and end in her tear and/or tantrums. One time spat in my face, picked up a knife. Calls me loser and very critical. Tantrums involve kicking and breaking things, crying, screeching, crazy look in the eyes liking an 8-year-old child. Seriously!!!

In a few words: tiring, draining and high maintenance marriage. Have not had any male friends during most of my marriage.

I couldn't take it any more last year in October (please, no judgment on me). I asked her to leave indefinitely or I would go insane. I met a girl (after that) for friendship. She is the opposite of my wife in almost everything: gentle, not jealous, kind. I am not asking for opinions on this *please*. She is a Christian, as am I. We do not have sex, although we kiss and hug a bit. I feel very guilty about this, but please withhold your judgement since I feel bad about this.

I also had panic disorder/agoraphobia by coincidence for the last 25 years. Since she left, have reduced medication and anxiety dissipated. I stopped taking Xanax and reduced my other medication. I feel I could go off them entirely within 6 months. I sleep well and feel liberated.

I spoke with her today. She is still blaming me for everything wrong in her life. Now I am a cheater (I actually told her I was going to meet this girl, believe it or not, for honesty). I am to blame for her poor spirituality over the years and apparently she was not irrationally jealous and has no disorders of any kind, she believes. I am to blame for making her miserable and her not getting a job, etc. etc. I could go on.

Am I really losing the plot here, or am I really better of out of this marriage? I feel so guilty for even talking to someone else while still married, and yet feel a strange sense of peace about it all. She is still giving me the silent treatment and tells all her friends about me under the guise of "prayer requests", but in reality just a chance to spill the beans about my infidelity.

I don't want tit-for-tat. I just want to move on. I feel so confused about everything that I sometimes don't know who to turn to for advice. My wife sneakily asked a pastor to talk to me, even though she said he was the last person on earth she would talk to since he abandoned his wife for two years, joined a cult and told his wife he wished she was dead.

Worse, now is she is very sanctimonious and seems to be sitting at the right hand of God and said that I would be judged, following Satan, she is totally forgiven, I would not have a good life, and would have no peace and be judged by God etc. All the way she is still aggressive, angry, belligerent, sarcastic, critical, harsh, etc. etc.

Sigh. What to do? Am I still in touch with reality or what? Any advice (except judgment, please) welcome.

[kaliope]

i believe you posted this same post in another forum and my answer remains the same. there is nothing wrong with you. it sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive controlling marriage. it is time to get out.

[comethisfar]

You suffered, you tried, you endured and bow you have made your decision: "I don't want tit-for-tat. I just want to move on." If it feels right to you it is right! Move on! Do it! I wish you strength and resolve. And happiness when you come out of this process!

[crimsonluvor]

I believe you are doing the right thing by ending the marriage and moving on. you deserve to be happy.