[Hopefulhubb]

I met a girl and fell in love and we got married. A few months later when weird things began to happen she revealed to me she "had a history of mental problems and needed medication." At that time she would sleep literally all day long. She would never help out around the house and would binge eat, drink, and smoke.
She was actually late to our own wedding! I added her and her kids onto my health insurance and got her into see a doctor pronto.

She came home with a diagnosis of bipolar II and SEVEN medications: lamictal, wellbutrin, seroquel, adderall, vivance, ambien, and clonopin. (She only told me about 2 of the medications, I only found out about the other 5 when I got the bill!!!) Needless to say, I was in a state of shock. My new wife has a serious psychiatric problem that we will have to learn to deal with!!

The new medication helped with the depression ALOT! She began to get up a little earlier in the morning and actually helped out around the house. But new problems have developed and these are what we need the most help with: she is aggressive, she demonstrates poor or no judgement, she is impulsive, she takes big risks, she has an explosive temper and she lies to me about everything all the time. Major, big lies too (more on this later).

How much of this is bipolar? Is there another major mental health issue at play here? I'm truly scared and at my wits end but I also feel very sorry for her and I know she needs me. Please help!!

[shezbut]

...bump...

[RisuNeko]

Thank you for coming forward to out community to seek help. I know it can be very difficult to deal with someone who is bipolar (I know the effects I've had on my family and friends in the past). I think the best thing you can do is tackle this full on, make sure she is going to regular appointments with a psychiatrist and a therapist, and also join a support group for family members of people with bipolar, or a DBSA group so you can learn more about what people with bipolar go through and what is a good idea to do to help, and what could be not such a good idea.

It sounds like you are very sympathetic, but also at your wits end. Have patience, and take some time to learn about this disorder to understand her behavior better and better cope with it together.

I'm sorry sweety. If she starts showing signs of suicidal tendencies and self harm, get her to the ER and they'll do a psych eval and then commit her for emergency treatment. That's going to be your best bet hun. Your a doll to be doing what your doing. Good luck with her!

[scatterbrained04]

The problems you are stating she is still having could be still be the bipolar. Seven medications is kind of a lot though? I know the irritability is so hard to deal with for everyone. No one likes to be that way either. If you can tell what is triggering her, you might be able to help.

When did she start her medication? Did she start on all of them at once?

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi hopefulhubb

Everything stated below is based on my personal opinion only.

Your wife is FAR from stable, from a medical point of view, with her current phase of Bipolar.

Remeber when you said: "I do. In SICKNESS and in health?"

Truth be told -

She's pretty unwell.

She is FAR from stable and is exhibiting extreme Bipolar.

Her behaviours are going to be extremely challenging for you to face at the moment.

By no means feel you need to merely "accept" them.

Point them out to her.

Remeber, when we are unwell, it sometimes take our significant other to point out how outrageous our behaviour is because often lack the awareness to be the judge of our own character. Do it gently though, she still has feelings, and will remember what you have told her long after the episode has subdued.

Educate yourself.

The more you know what is and what is not Bipolar allows you to be an extra pair of eyes and ears to pick up early symptoms for future episodes when she may start sliding backwards and earlier intervention could help reduce the height of an episode either way.

Another challenge is accepting the fact that episodes come and go in cycles. They're like boomerangs. As much as I'd like to fling mine so far away from me as possible I have to watch out - because no sooner it's out of sight - it's coming straight back to me to knock me over the head.

Episodes are a bugger.

I don't like them.

Depression is so unattractive.

Mania? Might sound like fun.

The problem is the AFTERMATH when I crawl out of an episode and reflect back and realise some of the destruction I have caused. Horrendous.

You REALLY don't need to put up with being yelled at. I don't care WHAT is causing it. Whether as a result of Bipolar or something else. Unacceptable. And let her know you won't put up with it.

If you need to, put safety measures in place like restriction to credit limits if monetary expenditure seems to be an issue.

Safeguard youself. Your wellbeing is important. And I would like to acknowledge that. Because as much as I have spent a while point out to you how unwell I believe you wife is right now - you do what you need to do to make sure that your well being remains a priority OVER hers. If you start to get knocked; you can not pick her back up again when she's in pieces.

So please start putting up some boundaries.

I found this extract in a blog on Psych Central

A manic episode is not a disorder in and of itself, but rather is a part of a type of bipolar disorder.

A manic episode is characterized by period of at least 1 week where an elevated, expansive or unusually irritable mood, as well as notably persistent goal-directed activity is present. The mood disturbance associated with manic symptoms should be observable by others (e.g., friends or relatives of the individual) and must be uncharacteristic of the individual’s usual state/behavior. These feelings must be sufficiently severe to cause difficulty or impairment in occupational, social, educational or other important functioning. Symptoms also cannot be the result of substance use or abuse (e.g., alcohol, drugs, medications) or caused by a general medical condition. Three or more of the following symptoms must be present:

Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
Decreased need for sleep (e.g., one feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
Attention is easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant items
Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation
Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

[Hopefulhubb]

Thank you all for all your help. I keep learning a ton every day, and not all of it is good. I've also learned some terrible things about her I wish I had known before...

She has been spending about $5k a month on...nothing! Just blowing it on useless crap and not paying her bills. Then I heard a rumor she might be snorting adderall. I'm about to go in a fetal position at this point. And I can't talk to her about any of it because she denies it all like Lance Armstrong. I might have to bite the bullet and just set her up for the help she needs and make her go.

[Gray Rider]

She should have let you know before tying the knot. I was in a really similar situation, I couldn't become a caretaker with my own problems going on. (even if I wanted to)
Read up on codependency and decide where to set your boundaries.

[~Christina]

Great advice given !

The only other thing I would say is YOU find yourself a Therapist to go see , so you can learn how to help her but more so on how YOU need to take care of yourself !

I was diagnosed after I was married , I honestly had no clue prior to it , nor up until I was in my 40's , call me clueless.

My husband ? he is the " Fixer type" like most men are, But he certainly couldn't fix me , only I can do that through self care, medication , coping skills etc...

My Husband actually saw my T for a while I approved of it and my T didnt go into specifics about what I was fighting , past abuse etc. , but he helped my husband see what was going on , how to help support me , how to not enable me and how to stay mentally healthy while I might not be.

You love your wife and shes lucky to have you, But I will tell you don't allow her illness to drag you into the depths of hell with her.

** I do think it is awful for her to marry you without disclosing her bipolar , and when she is stable you both need to have a discussion about that. Shame on her for not being honest ! That needs addressed.

I'm going to throw another angle at it. Of those 7 meds, 2 are typically used for ADD/ADHD (adderall and vyanase). I don't know what kind of access you two have worked out on medical information (with HIPPA and permissions needed), but you may want to see if that's something the doctor thinks is also going on, because if it's not, including those 2 meds would be... unusual. I don't know much about vyanase, but can say that adderall can cause problems in some* folks with BP -- revving up agitation (you mention aggression and explosive temper).

It does indeed sound like she's gone rather manic. You noted that the medication helped the depression A LOT. Maybe helped too much. Sometimes* ADs (anti-depressants) can be problematic for people with BP in that regard. Like scatterbrained04, I'm wondering if the Dr. put her on all of these meds at once. Also wondering if the meds were titrated (dosage moved up in increments). Titration's not necessary for all meds, but it definitely important for the Lamictal. Is the doctor she saw a GP or a psychiatrist?

One of the things to know about meds is that people react differently to them. One med could be a godsend for one person and a terrible experience for another. So it usually takes some time to work out what works best (individual med-wise and combinations thereof) for each individual -- and dosages do tend to need adjustment from time to time.

Just as an FYI -- lying is not a symptom of bipolar.
Now… some people do lie in trying to hide some things they do while manic, but it's not the BP at play there, it might be as simple as not wanting to get in trouble for something -- like spending way too much money.

And I agree with the others. Be sure to set boundaries and to take care of yourself.

*Keyword: some, not all and sometimes, not always. That's important.

[raspberrytorte]

People gave great advice.

I have to agree that is A LOT of medication to be put on at once. Maybe she's having some side effects? Could explain some of the behavior.

[Moogieotter]

Hi,

My wife and I rely heavily on the book Taking Charge of Bipolar Disorder. It has been a valuable resource in our marriage for my treatment. Good luck and please keep posting!

moogs

[Hopefulhubb]

Yes, the doctor is a family doc who "specializes in bipolar." Unbeknownst to her I had talked with him a couple of times and I think he is on the ball. He wants her to stop the adderall now but she doesn't want to (of course!). We have been titrating the dose of lamictal up and that seems to have helped. I'm going to start another thread about the lying and the BP because of the issues of the different personalities.

[jediwill83]

Yeah...I have BP and ADD and I am on Vyvanse and its amazing...but that AND Adderall? Sounds a little much.Any chance that she is seeing more than one doctor and pill shopping? Are the prescription bottles all from one doctor? I wish you the best man I really do.

[Married2Mania]

My husband is bipolar, and the first time I saw him have a major episode was when we were engaged. He had a break with reality and while they tried different meds he was a different person than the man I fell in love with. The important thing to know is HE DID COME BACK. When he's stable on his meds, he's the man I love and married. It's hard to find the right med regimen, and it can change over time, but don't think that this is her new normal - there is a way back to her true normal, but it may take a while, trying different doctors and different meds to find it again. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. As far as the lying - when my husband is in an acute manic state he does sometimes lie or he remembers things differently and thinks he's telling the truth. The more we've dealt with this together, the more he trusts me and he hardly ever lies now, and knows to trust my memory over his during these times.