[Ganganthefatman]

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My girlfriend has an ED (eating disorder). I don't know much about this to be honest, and I really wanna know more. She's slowly killing herself with purging. She doesn't know how to stop, and she's tried a great deal of times, but she always finds her way back to it. I feel so powerless to do anything to help her right now, because I have no way of getting to her, since after all the whole point of me getting into this program is to get to her, but they won't let me visit her. This is tearing me apart inside. The message she sent me this morning had tears crashing through my eyes, and even made me depressive.

Is there anything I can do to help her? She knows she needs help, and I wanna to try to get her to take it. But is there anything better I could do? I know I won't ever be able to fix her and her problems, but she'll never have to face her them alone so long as she's with me. She's in so much pain right now, and I can feel it all. I wish I were there with her to give her comfort right now. She seems so lost, and I can feel my heart being torn apart because of it. I hope I don't sound selfish or anything. It's just how the whole situation is making me feel. I love her so much, and I don't want her to have to ever go through any sort of pain. Especially like this, feeling all alone.

[CANDC]

Hi Gangan, sorry to hear you are in so much distress about the eating disorder of your girlfriend. I am not sure what you mean when you said

since after all the whole point of me getting into this program is to get to her

Is she in a program to help her cope with ED? If so then having her managed and trained by professionals seems the best way to help her.

Is there anything I can do to help her?

you asked. I guess if my experience is any gauge of reality, then the most anyone can do is help them get in a professionally run program. It is not that a friend cannot help, it is just that untrained people like you or me can only give support not take the place of a therapist or program. When she gets out of her program you could be there as a positive influence to encourage her to stay on the road to recovery, but it is really up to each person and whether they are willing to do whatever it takes to get better.

You said "I don't want her to have to ever go through any sort of pain" but the reason we are all suffering is because of the painful life we have led and the circumstances we find ourselves in, so I don't see how we can escape pain or shield another from it. It seems like as caregivers we need to develop forbearance and patience as long as we are so close to someone so repeatedly sick. It is so hard to watch. I know what you mean. Some people at PC find a therapist that can help them sort out the roots of their life.

In case you did not know here are some resources available to all at Psych Central.

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

There are articles that go into more detail about coping
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Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Ganganthefatman]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Hi Gangan, sorry to hear you are in so much distress about the eating disorder of your girlfriend. I am not sure what you mean when you said

Is she in a program to help her cope with ED? If so then having her managed and trained by professionals seems the best way to help her.

you asked. I guess if my experience is any gauge of reality, then the most anyone can do is help them get in a professionally run program. It is not that a friend cannot help, it is just that untrained people like you or me can only give support not take the place of a therapist or program. When she gets out of her program you could be there as a positive influence to encourage her to stay on the road to recovery, but it is really up to each person and whether they are willing to do whatever it takes to get better.

You said "I don't want her to have to ever go through any sort of pain" but the reason we are all suffering is because of the painful life we have led and the circumstances we find ourselves in, so I don't see how we can escape pain or shield another from it. It seems like as caregivers we need to develop forbearance and patience as long as we are so close to someone so repeatedly sick. It is so hard to watch. I know what you mean. Some people at PC find a therapist that can help them sort out the roots of their life.

In case you did not know here are some resources available to all at Psych Central.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

What I meant when I said ''I'm in this program'' is I'm at job corps. I know I can't help the way I wish I could, but I don't know if I can ever get her to accept professional. The whole idea freaks her out a lot. I'm gonna try to convince to go through with it though. I'm still giving her all the support she needs, and I'm not gonna give up on her, ever. I wish I knew more this than I do now.

''You said "I don't want her to have to ever go through any sort of pain" but the reason we are all suffering is because of the painful life we have led and the circumstances we find ourselves in, so I don't see how we can escape pain or shield another from it. It seems like as caregivers we need to develop forbearance and patience as long as we are so close to someone so repeatedly sick. It is so hard to watch. I know what you mean. Some people at PC find a therapist that can help them sort out the roots of their life.''
While she has unfortunately suffered throughout life, it isn't exactly the reason as to why she purges. But then again, it is a possibility.

Thanks for the reply and advice.