[KKGA2014]

Before I met my husband he was dating a girl. He left her an they went their separate ways. He later met me and we were together for a little. She would constantly call and txt asking if they could be friends or try again. During a 4 month period I went to his state of residence to see him twice and then he came home on pre deployment leave to see me and his parents. He ignored all her calls while he was home. When leave was over he left. She then showed up at his room because he avoided her from that point they decided to give it another chance. So I let him go so he could get his mind right and did not contact him. 2 months later he was writing me and 3 months after that we were back together. But I specifically asked him "what do you want" before we got back together. Anyway we got married about a year later. About a month later somehow the girl finds out we were married and writes a passive aggressive email saying congrats on your marriage. Then goes into how she should have been informed asking what happened to them? 6months into our marriage he come home out of nowhere and starts packing his things. He went back to our home state for a weekend to clear his mind and ended up talking going to her. Pretty much he wanted to leave because that she got into head and and tried to convince him to leave his wife and marriage (keyword wife and marriage) to give and old "relationship" another try. He even took it as far as "pretending" to want to mend things for 2 days just to show me how destructive he can be. We worked through that after about 2 weeks. He was a pretty depressed and ashamed that he almost destroyed his wife/soulmate. By the grace of God we made it through and We were doing amazing. Last week he began acting differently again not really speaking or acknowledging my presence. he wouldn't even touch me. The following 3 days were a little better. Tuesday night he asked me the name of the counselor we saw because he wanted to see her alone. But he didn't want me to go. He broke down and told me the reason. Pretty much it's for the same reason as before. What I can't understand is why he responds to her.. All she is going to do is try to convince him to leave me. Only a woman with no self respect and morals would flat out not respect a marriage. She claims to be a woman of God but what woman of God encourages divorce?? Yes he did love her in the past he has left her 3 times and MARRIED me, and ME for a reason. It's like he forgets those reasons. I hate that he doesn't realize something unless it's gone. He should know better than to entertain her bull And I'm not sure how long I can handle this like a lady before I snap. I put "us" in Gods hands since day one. I've prayed on this and Gods response remains unchanging.. Continue to fight for your marriage. But I'm afraid if I continue to fight it will push him closer to divorce. I hate hurting because it effects me physically, my body literally breaks down and wastes away.. I destroy myself to save him. I love him unconditionally and remain unyielding. I know as a wife I should love him even when he isn't deserving of it because that's when it's needed the most. I wrote him a heart felt txt during church on Sunday about through all of this I still support him. His response was come get your things and leave, then he disconnected my cell phone without me knowing and tell me to call 911 if I need anything. He gets in these moods where he shuts down and becomes so cold and heartless.. You can see the emptiness in his eyes. He says I'm his underlying problem but he only becomes a heartless sociopath when he is in contact with the ex girlfriend. I feel that she somehow triggers him. He only tries to destroy me while in contact with her. He has no remorse and could care less about consequences. And he has told me in the past that he has no sympathy but will mimic the feeling if everyone around him is feeling a certain way. He is away for but when he comes back in a week he plans on moving out of our home. No one, not even his family can understand his behavior right now. I need guidance. Please help how can I reach out to him? How can I save my marriage?

[kaliope]

i dont know that because he is unstable in relationships that this qualifies him as a sociopath. my question is, why do you continue to subject yourself to all this? what are you gaining from this relationship with him that it is worth being hurt repeatedly when he continues to go back to his ex over and over again? i think that counseling for him is a good idea so that he can gain an understanding of why he keeps being drawn back into the old relationship when he has you who is so dedicated to him. for yourself, try putting together a pro/con list of the benefits and drawbacks of the relationship so you can have a clear understanding of why you are there and if it is really worth it. maybe getting into counseling yourself to discuss this issue would be beneficial as well.