[dddwp]

How can you be a caregiver to someone who is abusive and will not follow Dr. instructions? Was going to leave prior to his getting sick, and now feel stuck. Then, if he does not follow Dr. instructions (and gets belligerent if reminded of what Dr. ordered), am I, as the spouse, legally responsible for his non-compliance? Let me say that I already tried to

Possible trigger:

commit suicide twice

to get away from him, but he keeps "saving" me, in my opinion only so that I can take care of everything, as he doesn't do bills, never made as much money as I did (nor did he try to), and he needs someone to boss around. So if I just mentally checkout ( continue to put his meds and meals out and drive him to med appts), but do NOT go in to appointments anymore, and ignore the crazy verbal nonsense - am I being the abusive one?

[CANDC]

I am deeply sorry you have tried serious self harm. Glad you found Psych Central. People who are actively involved in this site report increased self esteem and a feeling of belonging to a community. You are not alone.

I feel your pain as a fellow caregiver that is underappreciated to say the least. I have approached serious distress and had to pull back and reevaluate how I could take care of myself before I tried to be a caregiver in a difficult relationship. I think disinvesting from guilt and responsibility is necessary to maintain a stable footing.

It is difficult to do everything and be appreciated. I just want you to know I appreciate what you are doing. You are a compassionate caring person. Before I found Psych Central I felt much more isolated. Being here I have made friends. I found there are many others struggling like I am. There are over 50 million unpaid caregivers in this country.

I do want to offer you the assurance that your own safety is of ultimate importance. If you ever feel threatened dial 911 or get to a safe place as soon as possible. If you feel unsafe, having a safety plan for escape or getting help.

Many people who have attempted self harm also create a safety plan in conjunction with their therapist or psychiatrist. If you cannot do this, create one on your own. Here is more info:
Suicide Safety Plans | Channel N

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[lorna]

Originally Posted by dddwp

How can you be a caregiver to someone who is abusive and will not follow Dr. instructions? Was going to leave prior to his getting sick, and now feel stuck. Then, if he does not follow Dr. instructions (and gets belligerent if reminded of what Dr. ordered), am I, as the spouse, legally responsible for his non-compliance? Let me say that I already tried to

Possible trigger:

commit suicide twice

to get away from him, but he keeps "saving" me, in my opinion only so that I can take care of everything, as he doesn't do bills, never made as much money as I did (nor did he try to), and he needs someone to boss around. So if I just mentally checkout ( continue to put his meds and meals out and drive him to med appts), but do NOT go in to appointments anymore, and ignore the crazy verbal nonsense - am I being the abusive one?

I feel for you, and really you need to look within and whether this is to continue. If you aren't ready you aren't ready. It truly sounds horrible from your description, but I understand why people stay too. You probably should talk to the doc about your concerns, as they likely have resources for both of you.