depressed 25 year old son who won't get help

I am reaching out for support and ideas on how to convince my son who is 25 to seek help for depression. He has always been a fun-loving happy person who had lots of friends and activities throughout life. He has always been bothered by a weight issue his whole life but he has always been lazy and unmotivated despite his happy outgoing personality. He didn't finish college and came home to live with us 3 years ago. It has been up and down ever since. He has told us at times that he feels empty, feels like there is not alot to look forward to. He is bored with his friends and his best friend who is also his cousin is married now with 2 kids. He doesn't go out of his way to call other friends to hang out with. He just goes to work and then lays on the couch. Anything he does is because someone else initiated it. He has moments of happiness when something fun is going on, and when he was dating a couple of girls, he was like a new person. One girl recently broke up with him, so he has been pretty depressed again. He has gone to therapy maybe 10 times over the past few years but is never consistent with anything. He doesn't want to hear about meds - He especially doesn't want to hear anything from me - his mother. I have the following questions:
1) Can depression be incident related or situational? He showed no signs of being depressed the past 4 months he was dating a girl he really liked so would he really be classified as being depressed?
2) Could the lack of motivation and laziness just be his personality since he has always been that way as a child too? It's just worse now because he is an adult and should be doing more.
3) He smokes a good amount of pot almost every day but he still manages to work 40+ hours a week. I feel the pot self medicates his depression
4) He was dx'd with ADD in 4th grade. Took meds for it through grade/middle school and did great. Does this play a role in depression?

My son lives with us and is 25. He has suffered from what I believe is depression for the past several years. Did not finish college and has come back home and lived with us for the past few years. He seems fine at times, but at other times he is very low and says he feels empty. He has gone for therapy maybe 7 of 8 times over the past few years but does not want to go consistently. Says he's fine and doesn't really need help. If he is doing something he likes or is in a relationship with a girl, he is very happy. Once that ends (one just ended recently and unexpectedly), he goes down that same road of heavy pot smoking, withdrawal and moodiness. I am just not sure if we are dealing with depression of a situational type or clinical type. He dated a girl for 4 months recently and was so happy and alive. It makes me wonder if he just caught a break and had more happy moments that lasted he would be fine. I just can't tell if there is something really wrong with him or if it's caused by bad luck and life's disappointments. I should mention that he is pretty lazy and unmotivated in general and has always been that way. He has been lucky that things have landed in his lap like a good job but has always been bothered with a weight problem which he has struggled with his whole life. He was also dx'd with ADD as a child and I know still struggles with that sometimes.

Hey,

Sorry you are struggling with your son. For me, pot was very much anti-productive and sapped my motivation. At least he is working full time. It's pretty classic, pot head son never leaves home.

Also, for many the pot and/or alcohol seriously can lower the effectiveness of many anti-depressants. I think it will be important to be open and honest about this drug use with any professional help you seek.

May I ask what your husband is doing about all this? It seems like you are going alone.

Good luck,

moogs

I also have ADD and was called lazy by people who should love, protect and understand me. It hurts.

And yes, stimulant medication early in life is linked to depression later in life.

1) Can depression be incident related or situational? He showed no signs of being depressed the past 4 months he was dating a girl he really liked so would he really be classified as being depressed?
Stress can increase the chances of having the actual diagnosable condition (Major Depressive Disorder or MDD, single episode or Dysthymic disorder)
2) Could the lack of motivation and laziness just be his personality since he has always been that way as a child too? It's just worse now because he is an adult and should be doing more.
Perhaps the pot smoking is having some impact on this? Expectations for what one should be doing do change as one gets older. If it is part of his personality, then what?

3) He smokes a good amount of pot almost every day but he still manages to work 40+ hours a week. I feel the pot self medicates his depression
Pot can be self medication, but it is also likely to be exacerbating some of the physical characteristics of his depression (sleep, appetite, motivation, irritability, etc). He can rally for the job, as I'm assuming it provides the financial resources to maintain on pot.
4) He was dx'd with ADD in 4th grade. Took meds for it through grade/middle school and did great. Does this play a role in depression?
I'm not sure there is any conclusive research on this, but it appears to be something that is under study.

Hello, 23575, and welcome to Psych Central! I am inviting you to join a social club for folks in situations like yours, where we can share and offer advice. Here's the link: http://forums.psychcentral.com/group...ll-adults.html.

People can join social groups after they get five posts printed.