[Hurtsobad1]

Hi there everyone. I'm new here and looking for a bit of advice and support.
I recently met a lovely man online. We are both mature adults in our fifties and neither of us have had been in a relationship for over a year. We communicated daily for three months. We had daily loving telephone calls and absolutely fell in love with one another. We couldn’t believe how perfect we were for each other and how lucky we were. We exchanged daily pics of our pets and what we were doing. All the normal loving conversations that two people in love have. We had a really strong build up to the weekend that we had planned to meet. Due to work pressure we had not been able to do it beforehand. For two a few days before the weekend he was texting that he was feeling so tired and had no energy and that he was trying to get his home spotless for my visit. He even bought new linen. We spent the weekend together. It was just wonderful for two days. He was so so loving towards me, but I did notice that he had moments of withdrawal and some intermittent tiredness. It was a busy weekend as he is a drummer in a band and had three gigs on. He mentioned that the gigs made him really high on an adrenalin rush and that it took him while to come down. He introduced me to all band members, their wives and friends as well as to his best friend and his wife. He made me feel totally accepted, loved and comfortable. We chatted and bonded and felt even close. He brought me breakfast in bed while we watched a movie together. I taught him how to make a cheesecake. On the third day I felt him starting to withdraw. He was still being loving but I could feel a bit of withdrawal after a hug or a kiss. On the third evening together he said I am tired and going to bed. No hug or kiss goodnight. I mentioned that a hug would be good and he just flipped. Said he had told me he was bad at relationships (which he actually hadn’t) That this sort of thing kept happening to him and that is why he was better off on his own. He was very angry at me and then at himself. His face changed and he visibly crumbled in front of my eyes. It was as though he had become a different person. It was late in the evening and he said it would be better if I left in the morning.
The next morning he was very quiet and seemed angry and distressed. He took his dogs for a walk and came back after about half an hour. I made him a cup of tea and kissed him goodbye and said that I loved him. He kissed me back warmly and said he loved me too but that he was still better being on his own when he got like this. I asked him what was wrong and he said this sort of thing had happened to him before. I asked if he would change his mind about not wanting to be with me and he said that it could happen tonight, next week that he wasn’t sure. He said that it had nothing to do with me and that it was a problem he battled with.
I left in a state of shock and drove the 6 hours home. I have never seen a person go through such an extreme change in such a short space of time. We communicated a couple of texts over the next few days but only when I texted him. He said he was so sorry for the way he had treated me and that he was a worthless person and that he appreciated how kind and understanding I was being. He said he would go to his doc and get help as there was a bipolar problem in his family. He did see the doc and said he was waiting to see a psychiatrist. I sent him a text on Fathers Day to say I hoped he was spending some special time with his daughter and he replied and thanked me and said that no he was not as he was better off away from people. I was at the time so worried about him, he is diabetic as well. I said that I would drive up the next weekend again to offer support and he said that if I came near his house he would call the police and that he needed to be left alone. He is still getting to work and I see that the band is still playing gis so he is still able to function.
He has ceased all communication with me and I see that now after two weeks he has reregistered back on the dating site where I met him although not continually online. He does skip days. (We had both taken our profiles down.) I sent him one angry text when I saw this via mobile which was the only time I got angry. He never replied. I have no closure and am finding it difficult to move on. I still love him and miss him so badly. Any advice would so appreciated.

[Travelinglady]

Hellohurtssobad1, and welcome! I am sorry you are having confusion and hurt. It sounds like this fellow has many issues he has not come to terms with. I know it will be hard, but I suggest you move on and look for someone who is more emotionally stable.

[Hurtsobad1]

Thanks yes I really do believe he is undiagnosed unmedicated bipolar. Three weeks down the line he has contacted me out of the blue saying again that he is sorry for hurting me and behaving so badly and he feels as though he is in a cycle and thinks it is going over. He asked for help and I responded kindly to him and got some information together for him and now he has gone silent and angry again.