[Douellette23]

Good afternoon everyone,

My name is Den and I've got so questions I hope yall can help me with.

I've been with my wife since highschool, we have 4 beautify children together and I love and care about her more than I can express. Her being bipolar has put us though so many ups and downs. She got off her meds for awhile before we moved back to NH from SC. Everything until we agreed to send her back up to NH first to start her job and then we would be right behind her. From the minute she got here things started to change, she became emotionally distant, more energy, long story short she was becoming manic. I tried to level with her in every way possible to get her to see it and have her get back on her meds before things get bad ( manic has always been a nightmare ). She refused to see it for what it was and for some reason or another everytime she gets manic she blames all of her unhappiness on me. We have since finally got her back on meds, its only been 3 days but its getting there. Problem is now she's hit the hyper sexual stage. In SC this stage was wonderful it reconnected us in a way that did wonders for both of us. It lasted little over a month and was followed by depression so its kinda like it didn't happen. But this time theres other people around so she's saying and feeling like she wants to sleep with other people. My question is should I allow this to happen. I feel like this is only her bipolar talking. This part has always done damage to us ( cheating ) or brought us together as a couple when shes just around me. When she either left me and cheated on me she hates herself for it truly hates herself. I just don't know what to do I want to protect her. Please anyone with similar issues please help me out, I honestly dont know what to do.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, lots of love to you all.

Den

[538569]

I wish I had words of comfort or words of advice. I love someone who is BP and hypersexual. He is not my husband so the issues do not have the same impact. I am not disturbed by his sexual relationships with other people in terms of my own emotions or wondering whether he cares about me. The issue is that he is not practicing safe sex. I believe that is the conversation you must have for your own physical health. You must guard your own health...which is easier said than done when you love someone and want to be with them. For a while, I considered that I might be willing to take the risks in exchange for his love, I think I have finally decided to value my own life and my own life and any other choice was depression and loneliness talking. It is not easy to turn away from someone that you love. But first, try to take care of your own health and that of your children.

[cmorales]

I have done a lot of thinking on the subject of hypersexuality and infidelity over the years. I have some thoughts, but am obviously, of a different breed of bipolar in having these thoughts.

Personally, I don't think we should use our illness as an excuse for everything. Yes, hypersexuality is pretty overwhelming, but so are the other aspects of the disorder. As such I look at hypersexuality and infidelity in a similar light that I look at "manic rage" and violence.

When we experience dysphoric mania, we tend to become ridiculously angry and spiteful towards pretty much everything and everyone around us... however, we do not go around [physically] attacking and killing people. Deep down, we possess that necessary self-control which keeps us from acting out in physically violent ways (for the most part, I should say).

But, for some reason, many manic-depressives tend to just go wherever hypersexuality takes them, regardless of who it hurts.

I have long wondered why we have this self-control when it comes to violence, but lack said self-control when it comes to hypersexuality and relationships.

What I have come to think is the cause of this lack of caring with regards to infidelity in hypersexualty v. self-control in dysphoric mania is (1) awareness of the consequences and (2) the fact that many mentally ill people are, in fact, quite manipulative. We can BS with the best of them and will not shy away from using our illness as an excuse for less than ideal behavior.

When we are experiencing dysphoric mania and are raging about, we do not physically attack others, I believe, because we know all too well that we will end up in jail for doing so. There is a very real, physical consequence of that action which very much affects us.

Infidelity in hypersexuality, on the other hand, has no real legal consequences. Ultimately, what could happen is that we hurt somebody's feelings. This, ultimately, is something that can be manipulated away by blaming the illness for our actions.

What happens then is that the understanding partner who is really just trying to be there for their partner, due to the illness and allowing the ill partner to use the illness as an excuse, will "overlook" the infidelity in order to give the relationship another go.

Both parties agree to work on the relationship and then, it happens again. The cycle then repeats itself.

My question is, how many times are you going to allow this infidelity to interrupt your relationship with your wife? You have to think about you in all this.

I very much understand that bipolar is an illness in which we tend to lose control of ourselves at times, but, as stated before... we have the self-control to not be violent, thus we must also possess the self-control to be faithful, even during the craziest bouts of hypersexuality.

Hypersexuality is fun. That's a fact. The way I see it, far too many of us use our illness as an excuse to do things that we and any other faithful person wouldn't normally do.

My suggestion to you is to go see a couple's therapist and try to take this infidelity thing out before it gets out of control, because more than likely, it will eventually take a serious toll on your own mental health, your relationship and your family life.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm with cm, we don't and wont get a pass for burning down our houses in a fit of rage, (a recurring theme for me personally) but we get a pass for sleeping around and possibly passing on life threatening or altering diseases, and in so doing cause an insurmountable amount of pain???


W...T...F???


I don't buy it.


If I ever use the "my BP made me do it" line to justify or excuse cheating I pray my bf just walks away without a word.


He deserves better, and so do you.


Her urges are urges, and urges can be reallllly strong and hard to deal with, but godammit, restrain yourself and work around it.


When we're raging, we get advice such as, work it off in the gym, tear up old clothing, run, scream, have sex, etc


This is no different, exercise, buy a dildo, greet ur husband naked at the front door, watch porn if he's unavailable, take nasty pictures and send it to him while he's at work, have sex in strange places / experiment.... Etc


Please to the OP and the poster who replied directly after, don't sell yourself short just because your partner has a MH dx. You're not less important, your needs don't take the back seat, and you certainly don't excuse bad behaviour that you would never ever tolerate from a different partner.


You guys are worth more than what you are open to settling for.

I agree completely. It is hard to have control when manic, but not impossible. ^

[CANDC]

The health issue is big. If you are going to be intimate with her it seems very prudent to both be tested for any communicable condition that might easily be picked up from unprotected sex with other people.

i do not think mental illness justifies any behavior.It is a more complicated situation with children. Any success with couples counseling?