[Confusedandlost91]

Hi, I was wondering if you help me. I was in a relationship with a 26 year old man who never had a relationship before me but he did claimed this woman who he was speaking to online stole money from him, he had a very difficult relationship with his mother. On the first date he told me he loved and slowly after that I fell for him.

Over time, I met his friends and family but his friend started to pick holes in me and he did nothing just stared with an emotionless expression. I was obviously upset and found it hard to move on as he knew I had been in an emotional abusive relationship before.

He later said it didn't bother him what was said because it wasn't said about him, I found this heartless. I often commented how emotionless he was. He was very hot and cold towards the end. He seemed a bit impressed with money and he was always overdrawn in his bank.

He said I was clingy because I got upset when he went home and because I wanted to see him even tho we only saw each other the weekend. On our final day, he was cruel. He complained about the cost, time and distance to get to mine and always blaming me for how boring the road was. He also said if I couldn't come down to his then we would not see each other and I should want to come down to please him. I didn't want to go down his because of his mother treatment towards it, I am recovering from PDST.

The next day I finished it.

He said he hadn't met anyone else which I believe as everyone though he was gay where he lived lol. I'm not sure if he was narcissist. He always made me feel like I was the guilty one, I would shout once he made me cry and then beg for him to contact me. He would give the silence the treatment. Today I asked him if he kissed anyone else while he was with me and he was so aggressive I never seem him that way before. He swore and then gave me the silence treatment again so I blocked him.

Is he a narcissist? And if he is how do I stop myself for being this emotionally upset. I am sorry for the long message.

[Confusedandlost91]

No advice?

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by Confusedandlost91

Hi, I was wondering if you help me. I was in a relationship with a 26 year old man who never had a relationship before me but he did claimed this woman who he was speaking to online stole money from him, he had a very difficult relationship with his mother. On the first date he told me he loved and slowly after that I fell for him.

Over time, I met his friends and family but his friend started to pick holes in me and he did nothing just stared with an emotionless expression. I was obviously upset and found it hard to move on as he knew I had been in an emotional abusive relationship before.

He later said it didn't bother him what was said because it wasn't said about him, I found this heartless. I often commented how emotionless he was. He was very hot and cold towards the end. He seemed a bit impressed with money and he was always overdrawn in his bank.

He said I was clingy because I got upset when he went home and because I wanted to see him even tho we only saw each other the weekend. On our final day, he was cruel. He complained about the cost, time and distance to get to mine and always blaming me for how boring the road was. He also said if I couldn't come down to his then we would not see each other and I should want to come down to please him. I didn't want to go down his because of his mother treatment towards it, I am recovering from PDST.

The next day I finished it.

He said he hadn't met anyone else which I believe as everyone though he was gay where he lived lol. I'm not sure if he was narcissist. He always made me feel like I was the guilty one, I would shout once he made me cry and then beg for him to contact me. He would give the silence the treatment. Today I asked him if he kissed anyone else while he was with me and he was so aggressive I never seem him that way before. He swore and then gave me the silence treatment again so I blocked him.

Is he a narcissist? And if he is how do I stop myself for being this emotionally upset. I am sorry for the long message.

Hey i am really sorry to hear about that, that sounds awful, my first question is why are you still with him? Surely you deserve someone who treats you better than that. Secondly is he insecure about being called gay? Maybe he is taking it out on you instead of facing the music. Does he compliment you or show any effection?

If i were you i'd lay it on the line with him and if he doesn't respond politely then leave him. You can't be his verbal punchbag, you could do better than someone who lets people disrespect you and then does the same thing when you're alone with him.

Claire

[Atypical_Disaster]

The question that popped into my head is this: does it matter if he was a narcissist or not? What benefit would having a label for him have for you healing wise? I can understand wanting a label to understand an ex's pathology better, is that what it is?

I cannot diagnose anyone on the internet, I am not a professional and even if I were it would be highly unethical to do so.

However, I am a diagnosed Narcissist... and yes, parts of his behavior do sound like how I act. Most notably the blatant lack of empathy and appearing to be quite emotionless. That is a narcissistic personality trait, but it is also an antisocial(psychopath/sociopath) personality trait.

[starfruit504]

It's hard to say without more information. Suffice to say, he wasn't a conscientious guy and he treated you poorly. That's all you really need to know. Stay away from people who lack empathy, constantly blame you for things beyond you control, and generally make you feel like you and your feelings don't matter.