[SimplyTrackable]

Good Afternoon All!

Today I thought I would reach out and get your thoughts regarding "Helpful Help" versus "Unhelpful Help".

Let me start with a scenario to help you understand my question.

I deeply love my wife. She has a heart of gold, and though she has bipolar disorder, she refuses to let it define who she is. That is to say, she is a fighter who knows that, while the symptoms may rear their head, she won't take it laying down. My wife has a routine that helps her, knows that eating is important, and has medication that helps to control the swings.

As I have grown and learned about bipolar disorder and have attempted to become a good supporter, I have made many mistakes. Through the graciousness of my lovely bride and our determination to never quit on each other, we have made it through all of those.

There is one challenge that I face in trying to be a good supporter that I haven't quite figured out yet, however. With a heart towards my wife that in no way wants to badger her or treat her clinically (as a medical patient), I do sometimes, for my own understanding, want to know if she has been taking her medication. I go months at a time without asking, for the most part; but when I observe certain symptoms in their early stages, my first thought is to double-check the basics of managing the illness to make sure that we aren't heading towards an swing that is avoidable.

Unfortunately, I have not found the right way to ask that comes across well. I believe it is probably due to some degree to the fact that symptoms have started, probably do to inaccuracies in my own communication, and probably other items I haven't thought of yet.

While I am not a "Pillbox Checker", I also know those who do try to check the pill box to see if more are in there than should be given the date. This also leads to undesirable results.

The goal is to be a support, a help, and to do or encourage to be done what is possible to manage or prevent the symptoms from becoming a full-blown swing or episode.

So here is the question for those with bipolar disorder: What a way that a supporter of yours could be an asset in detecting deviations in the management plan for the illness, and could help to steer back towards good management and health? What do you view as the right course of action, if any, and how would it be a benefit to you, rather than a further trigger towards a swing? What has worked? What have you thought about trying?

To health on this Good Friday!

Tom

[Moogieotter]

Hi,

I have bipolar disorder. I'm well treated and have excellent support from my wife. I try very hard to be fully visible about all aspects of my condition, especially treatment. I made a commitment after my last IP to have total med compliance at all times. I've been 100% perfect with compliance for more than 2 years. I really do not give my wonderful wife any reason to worry.

How is the overall relationship? Does she get set off when you ask about her med compliance? We have a completely open habit of warm and loving visibility into each other's moods. You could work towards this w ur wife. I don't think its fair to point to loving concern as a trigger.

Have you used her bipolar disorder or lack of med compliance in the past as tactics or ammo in an argument or as a means of control? If you have there is resentment there that will need to be healed.

Good luck!

moogs

There is no easy way but to lovingly ask if she has taken her meds or forgotten to take her meds. You can say it in a way that you care about her and want her to stay on track. That should suffice. I agree, good luck! tc

[~Christina]

I have Bipolar so I will chime in here....

Personally I loathe ( my husband did this numerous times when we were really not doing well ) when he would ask that (to me ) insulting question.... Have you taken your meds? .. Ugh just ugh !

If your wife is honest with you then maybe just a " I see you might be struggling a bit , Just let me know if there is any thing I can do , I love you.. and go about your day.

Even though she is doing everything she can to stay stable...... Bipolar has this nasty habit that no matter how much self care and medication you throw at it . It is going to pop up and slap a person silly... that doesn't mean shes blowing of her meds, As you posted she very vigilant about her self care.

Welcome to PC