[Luciferaugustus]

Hi,

My partner has been snorting Adderall IR pretty regularly at least over the last four years. She's prescribed an exorbitant amount to begin with: 20mg, 3x per day for (not narcolepsy) fatigue symptoms. She typically blows through her script by the middle of the month. I have ADD and I take 30mg ER, which I have to keep on my person at all times, as she's stolen it before. Once by her own admission, and at least three times I've been short pills at the end of the month.

Over the last year it's gotten significantly worse. She's been experiencing what I think to be stimulant-related psychosis/Delusory Parasitosis in that she's seeing "bugs" everywhere. Last year she went through a solid week of showing me things that looked to be pieces of lint, thread, plastic, plant life, and other debris; insistent on them being nematodes and beetle larvae, before first going to the local ER (who handled it poorly), and later her psychiatrist, who put her on an antipsychotic (Seroquel). At first the Seroquel helped, then things got bad again around the time she refilled her Adderall script. Back to the shrink, upped the dosage on the Seroquel, didn't do too much.

I don't know why the doctor isn't making a connection between the Adderall and the delusions when he's clearly acknowledging the latter by giving the Seroquel.
I neither know why he's prescribing that amount of Adderall to begin with - I'd have a talk with him about the way she's acting, but because of these two things I don't trust him. There's an underlying disorder - she's daiagnosed Dysthymic but I think Bipolar I, and I'm worried she's lapsing into full-blown Schizoaffective Disorder, if she's not already there.

I try my best to be supportive and not tell her it's all in her head, but she boxes me into a corner in showing me things (because she appears to be in doubt and needs confirmation) that again, look like lint and other debris, and I can't lie to her and tell her they're something they're not. Then she gets angry, sometimes even violent (likely the Adderall doesn't help).

Usually it gets better at the end of the month when she's out of pills (this is only me guessing, I can't say that for sure), and starts up again the start of the next.
This time I'm worried that she's not going to come back. She's rocking back and forth, talking way too fast - about how she's not crazy, and she was right - her eyes are completely big house wide... beyond the pupil dilation, they have that 'crazed' look to them, and she's just hysterical. Inconsolably freaked.

There was a cut straw in the bathroom with orange powder inside of it, which I threw away along with some more straws she stole from McDonalds or whatever. I don't know what that's going to accomplish, but maybe it will at least send a message that we need to talk about it - because whenever I try to be direct with her she just lies about it. Not that I ever did so far, not that I necessarily can, but I really don't know what to do anymore.

[Artchic528]

Um...no offense, but in my personal experience with addiction, if the addict won't admit they have a problem, there's little you can do. I really think you need to give her an ultimatum. It's you or the addiction. If she refuses to stop then, you're going to have to break up with her. It's a sad situation, but it's her life, and her choice to either get help or to ruin it and continue the downward spiral.

[Luciferaugustus]

Yes, I know all of that, but thanks. We've been through the ultimatums, and at one point she said that if (snorting it) were such an issue to me, she'd stop. I think she did for awhile - 'snorting' not 'taking' anyway - but the last year or so has been full-blown chaos.
I really can't simply "break up with her" -- we're married. She's in her thirties now, and has been going from one drug to another probably since she was a teenager. All prescription pills, and all up her nose. Before the speed it was opiates - and frankly, I preferred scraping her off the floor to being constantly yelled at and berated - not that I had particularly liked either situation. Right now she's been asleep for the majority of last two days, so I think she might be in withdrawal. When she comes to I can maybe talk to her about it - she's going to see her straws collection missing, anyway. I don't know. I think I say that every month.
I'd like to look past the addict and see the person. Which I do, but the emotional beatings make it more and more difficult. I maybe need to talk about this in a different thread as well: we both have underlying conditions, and her drug use is a response to hers, and sets mine off quite significantly.

[Luciferaugustus]

Thanks. I tried replying to this earlier, but I don't know if it timed out or if it's because I'm new and subject to moderation that it hasn't shown up yet.

I get it, and I've tried the ultimatum tactic before. It sort of worked - only in that she agreed to stop snorting it, but not to stop taking it.
("If it's that big of a deal to you, I won't do it.")

Leaving isn't an option - we're married, and both want to honor that. I think.
Right now I'm just trying to look past the addict and see the person. She's in bed, no doubt in withdrawal from the last week or so's indulgence, and has been for the last day and a half.

I think I really wanted to hear from someone who's been through it on her side - because I'd like to know how to handle talking about not just the abuse, but the delusions as well. That's been a very hard topic to approach.

Do you have permission to take to her therapist/doctor? I would tell on her.

[Artchic528]

Yes, the frist 5 posts a new member makes are under moderation so that the staff knows for sure that the member isn't a spambot of some kind. Also, my apologies for assuming it was simply a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship at the most. Your thread title is a bit misleading in that regard.

I really feel for you, my kid brother has a pretty severe alcohol problem, and I've been in your shoes, trying to see past the addiction to the good inside of the person, and for me, the brother I used to know before he took to drinking.

I have fond memories of him, as a baby that I held and fed a bottle to when I was 4, and helping my mother change his diaper as he grew a little older. I also remember his never ceasing smile. He's always been a big on smiling. Then his days in the hospital when he had Acute Lymphatic Leukemia (according to the docs, his abnormal blood cell count was 98% of his total blood cell count at it's highest). I remember him running around, all pudgy from the prednisone and unable to get up when he fell down, resorting to rocking back and forth like those Weeble Wobble toys (except he wouldn't pop back up afterword). These memories go on and on until his teenage years where he started smoking and drinking.

I smile and tears run down my cheeks as I remember these moments in the past we shared, because now he is usually outside smoking away, or with a beer or whiskey and coke in his hand. I can't fathom why he would want to throw away the second chance at life he got through beating cancer, and it frustrates me, and depresses me all at the same time.

However, no matter how much I want, and how much I know, that he needs help (he's even gotten a DUI on his college campus back when he attended college), he is the one who has to ultimately make the decision for himself to get better. The same goes for your wife. She has to ultimately make the decision to come clean.

I know how absolutely helpless a feeling it is to just sit there and watch someone you love and cherish just waste their life away over a meaningless substance. I truly do, but you can't just force them to go to rehab (unless, of course, they get into legal trouble and the court mandates it for some reason). It's up to them.

I don't have a clear cut answer for you, and your situation seems so depressing and absolutely heartbreaking. I guess the best you can do for her now, is to try and convince her to go into rehab. There are facilities that will help her, but they usually are at the will of the addict. In other words, she has the freedom to leave them at any time, regardless of whether or not she's finished the treatment course.

I've heard that there are support groups for partners of addicts, try looking up one in your area. NA (Narcotics Anonymous) comes to mind right away. Be aware that NA does require a belief in a higher power at the base of it's support, so if you aren't particularly religious, or don't believe in religion at all, you might find that a bit uncomfortable.

I wish the best for you and hope your wife will be able to gather the strength she needs to come clean. Also, sorry for the long post.

[Luciferaugustus]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

Do you have permission to take to her therapist/doctor? I would tell on her.

I've thought about that a lot. My problem with that is that he's acknowledging the psychosis in having prescribed, then later upped the dosage on her Seroquel, but isn't making a possible connection between the delusions and the Adderall. He is prescribing what I think is a pretty exorbitant amount for someone who's not affected by ADD or narcolepsy. So I don't trust him. And he would be bound to tell her if I contacted him, which, if he doesn't do anything else about it, would make things worse.

[Travelinglady]

Oh, my, I see the proof: Adderall and Psychosis | Drug Alcohol

Is she 18 or over? If so, then there's not a lot you can do. Maybe talk to your doctor about it and see what he/she suggests?