[fridaythoughts]

Did you ever feel insecure or take things personally, on accident? How did your partner with depression/anxiety react to this? Was it fixable?

Also, did they tell you right away that they were suffering from such a disorder or did you have to figure it out on your own?

[rechu]

I was in a relationship for about 8 years with someone who was diagnosed with endogenous depression. He received his dignosis after we were together for about 5 years.

For quite a while at the start of the relationship, he seemed fine. I think it is because he had left his home city, which he didn't like, and was doing a degree in another part of the country, so it was kind of new and fun. Then we moved abroad for a while and also traveled in that region. Now I realize there were some episodes while we were abroad, but I credited them mainly to the stresses of living in a different country.

After we moved back to our home country, however, and he started to settle in to a more stable routine, he started to show more problems. I guess now that the comparable excitement of studying a degree he liked and living abroad were replaced with the relative monotony of your typical 8-5 job, commuting, etc. the depression began to manifest itself more seriously.

He was in therapy and tried various medications, but he never showed much improvement. I stood by him in that state for 3 years, but in the end it was taking too much of a toll on my own well-being and I ended the relationship. I worked close to our apartment so I usually arrived home from work before him. I never knew in what mood he would be when he got home. I was walking on eggshells all the time.

For me the worst part is that some of our friends blamed me. When we moved back from living in another country, we were in a city with many people we went to college with and would do things with them. So, they remembered him from college and now saw him acting differently due to the depression. But, he didn't tell anyone about it besides me, and didn't want me to discuss it either. So, they seemed to think that somehow being with me was responsible for the change. I felt a bad vibe, from one person in particular, but occasionally from a few other people as well. Only after we broke up did I learn why they acted that way towards me.

[Woodlandspirit]

He told me right away because when we first met, I was actually in couselling and on anti depressants. He told me about his suicide attempt at the end of his marriage, how he was in counselling and on antideprssants for a time following his divorce.

I finished my counselling and, with the help of my doctor, went off my antidepressants within a year of meeting him. The past seven years we've been together have been amazing, but lately his depression has come back because of parental alienation issues with his 12 yo daughter. He hasn't called to make a Dr appt yet despite my urging, so I am calling for him tomorrow and will accompany him to the appt.

I do feel very insecure and will likely seek counselling or a group for myself besides this forum. We have postponed our wedding until he's feeling up to it again and everyday I wonder if the wedding will even ever happen. Everyday I wonder if he's going to end the relationship or of its just his disease talking. It's really hard. I haven't slept in weeks.