[PippaIsAlone]

My mother has abused be severely. We just had a huge fight in which she invalidated my abuse. Should I expose her on Facebook? I've thought about this for a while. How will a narcissist possibly take it?

[Raindropvampire]

Don't worry about how she will take it. Think instead of can you handle it? FB is very public and once it's out there it's out there. Will you be doing something in a moment of hurt/anger that you will regret? Will your mom twist what you put on there to get sympathy and "prove" how badly you treat her?

I have seen many many people put something on FB to expose someone else's behavior and it gets twisted into a how could they post that thing.

I am very sorry she invalidated your abuse. I've had it done several times and it hurts.

That would be my worry also. That she would twist the story so that you look like the abusive one.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I agree with the others here. Trying to "expose" a Narcissist almost never goes well, they will immediately go on the defensive and the way they can twist the truth and make it look like they're the ones being victimized is a sight to behold and not in the good way.

From my limited outside perspective, I do not think that trying to "expose" her is worth it. You deserve better than being subjected to more abuse which is exactly what happens if you try to do this with a Narcissist.

I am sorry about your past. Be careful here, doing something like this in the heat of the moment of your emotions will not end well... Take care.

Hi Pippa. Please don't do this. It will only show others that you are a basketcase, even though the fault is likely hers. If she really is a narcissist, she will backlash by saying disgusting, mean things about you and this will hurt; or she will block you Facebook for unheard of amounts of time so she does not have to admit ever done anything wrong by making it disappear. So sorry, hope things get better. Stop worrying about her and just be yourself, it will get easier.

[Trippin2.0]

I did it, and never felt better, haven't regretted it.


But I did it differently to what I suspect you're thinking of doing...


I had an inbox chat with my abuser... He basically invalidated my abuse, but didn't deny it.


Then because he was taunting me and provoking me, and not backing off when I told him to stop speaking.... I forwarded our entire chat to our family.


All I wanted was to stop keeping his dirty secret, and for the rest of our family to know he's a monster...


So I got what I wanted.


Wont presume to dx him though, he's just a rotten egg in my book, he doesn't deserve to have a MH label to excuse his behaviour.


So idk if doing this to an actual narcissist is a good idea or not.

Do you still live with her? I ask because the only way I would see you getting what you want is by going no contact. She is doing exactly what she needs by doing what she did to you. If you have to be around her the only way to stop what is happening is to not try and get validation for the past. Most of us been through this and probably most if not all have never gotten what we wanted. Same as most of our childhoods, it is what it is!! If contact is unavoidable than to help in "your" efforts are to play everything down. Your trying to take blood from a rock, it will never work. When she starts with the abuse walk away. Whenever she says something you don't like, again walk away. You staying and arguing or trying to seek what you need will only ALWAYS play to her favor. This is the food for the narcissist. Keep feeding them and it will only get worse. It's either accept who she is and take what she says with a grain of salt, go no contact or keep doing it the way you are and while she gains so much you on the other hand will keep losing your mind and so much more as it continues.

[Open Eyes]

Instead of focusing so much on the label, you should concentrate more on the fact that your mother is an individual who needs the control and has convinced herself that she is always right and the safest place for her is to have the control. In that control she is going to be better at playing the victim, looking like she is right, and has spent a lifetime honing these skills where she has convinced herself she is always in the right no matter what which is why these individuals don't realize they have a problem.

I agree with the others in that your effort to try to prove she has been toxic towards you will be difficult. I have an older sister that is very controlling and my own efforts to reveal how toxic she can be has consistently led to her twisting things around. I actually have two answering machines now where I have kept her toxic twisted messages and every one of them is a theme of "I have to have the control and I am always right and you are a bad person if you question me or disagree with me".

The best thing to do is to stay away from your mother as much as possible.

[HD7970GHZ]

There are alternative options, like say for instance: posting things about narcissistic abuse and how to detect and survive it. Especially the covert abuse. I have been posting things on my facebook recently about covert narcissism and I don't really give two craps about what they think. I don't need to have other family members confirm my beliefs or my experience.

I think it is important to weigh the pros and cons with posting anything on facebook, but ultimately, why would you expose a specific person when you can use social media to spread awareness. IF anything, it would put the narcissist in their place and keep them from doing their dirty deeds as often. It is incredibly important to be mindful of their reactions - but what could happen? They already have you in their crosshairs as their narcissistic supply. They are already sabotaging and spreading lies about you behind your back.

One thing they love is when they damage your voice and keep you silent. Perhaps not blatantly calling them out specifically, but finding something in between would fit your current need for justice and expression.

My Mom has narcissistic traits and she keeps saying, "don't put your dirty laundry on facebook." Since then I have made an effort to do just that. Not to spite her or manipulate; but to show her I will NO LONGER LIVE IN SILENCE and I REFUSE TO BE A VICTIM. Of course, only she will know she said it, so it's like a subtle message to her. Sometimes to fight fire you need to use fire. When it comes to narcissists, you can't ever beat them so you have to beat them in a way that is endearing and true. Learning to speak your truth is VITAL to your recovery, whether that is in a journal, to a therapist or on social media. IF anything it will get your friends and family talking.

Thanks,
HD

[Fuzzybear]

I don't think you should do it. It will not go well at all and I think it will make things worse. My reply is brief because I think atypical disaster is spot on with her advice and input on what will happen in the aftermath.