[lostintranslation23]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here and am recently caught in the middle of such a tough situation and will try to explain it all as best I can.

My boyfriend of over two years whom I have lived with for 1.5 has bipolar 2 (rapid cycling). Its in his family history and he also had a tough upbringing with divorce and losing contact with his father because of lack of support when his father's new wife was emotionally abusive to him as a young boy.

That being said, my family is very different (not necessarily in a positive way) where everything is always "perfect" and people dont ever really address issues rather brush them away. There are a lot of negative traits that have developed in me as an adult because of that - but they were things I didnt notice until they were brought to my attention by my very emotionally aware boyfriend.

Additionally, his family is so welcoming and have always taken me in and treated me like a daughter while mine (at least my mom) tend to treat him more like an "extra" and I told them he was bipolar from the beginning (which both him and his mom think was a big mistake).

He always had a distaste for my mom because of the way she is towards him, though she is the same way to me (in terms of scrutinizing, a bit of judgement, scared of someone who isnt like her, etc) but he tolerated it for a long time. My father and him are/were very close because my dad has been emotionally broken down in the sense that the things my mom says and does to him in terms of the scruitzing etc. dont bother him anymore but my dad won't have his back when my mom says something inappropriate ("he's just in a bad mood")

Anyways, recently this all came to a head because we were at dinner and he was mad at me for a very minute reason (I could tell it was a manic state by his mannerisms) and he took it out on my parents ultimately yelling at my mom (in front of my dad) and then leaving the restaurant and calling his friend to pick him up leaving me with my parents to drive home after looking for him for a good 30 minutes.

We were visiting my house for the weekend, him and i left before they got home the next morning (per his request) and he hasn't spoken to them since.

Keep in mind that they really do try to do the best they can, always treating him well in their eyes and I know they mean well too. But they are very hurt by this and don't really understand - as well as expect an apology because of the way he acted towards them which was disrespectful but he doesn't believe he did anything wrong.

I am living with this on my shoulders and don't want to ever feel like i have to pick sides because I love my parents but I know this is going to have huge long-term weight on our relationship because they can't let it go.

Any advice for people who have been through something similar? I just dont know how to handle this because when I have asked I'm to reach out to them he refuses and says he never will. I just dont know what to do because I love him more than life but I love my parents too and i just want them to be at least cordial for both their sakes as well as for my heart.

[Skeezyks]

Hello lostintranslation23: I'm sorry you have found yourself in this most difficult situation. I don't know as I have any great suggestions for you here. I guess my personal perspective is that you cannot control any of this. You can't make either your bf or your parents do something they choose not to do. So what you're going to have to do is simply find a way to stay out of it as much as possible. Don't take responsibility for it. And strive to not be dragged into it by either side. From that perspective, it is going to be a matter of establishing, & enforcing, some firm personal boundaries. That's not a great solution. But, unfortunately, it may be the only one you have.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!