[BDPpartner]

At the moment my partner is on extra medication for an infection but as a side effect his mental illness worsens and I am fed up with him moaning about everything I do. I'm to loud, I'm making a noise that's annoying him, even the poor dogs are getting moaned at ! I got in trouble for crying at a movie and now for being awake so late and the longer he is on this medication the worse he is getting. I'm going to go bonkers before he is back to normal and believe me he is no picnic normally and I have another 2-3 weeks of this. Any suggestions on how to keep myself from going insane? It's also very demoralizing being on the brunt of his bad mood swings

[comethisfar]

Yes, it is demoralizing I know from experience with my BPD partner and it gets worse when it accumulates. Two things help me: repeat to myself over and over that it is not personal and I need to not take it personal (easy to say hard to do!!!) and then get away, do things for myself, not worry about him and how he copes. The fact that I fret less about his bad moods and attacks actually makes him less annoyed and annoying as a result! Hope it works for you too! Question for you: what exactly is the "normal self" of your BPD partner?

[rechu]

What a difficult situation.

I went through something similar late last year and early this year. My husband isn't BPD, but he went through a really tough time of being overworked/stressed. He ultimately started having anxiety attacks and had to go on stress leave. He was on anxiety meds and antidepressants and seeing a psychiatrist..

There were many times during that period where he would feel really awful about the situation and act similarly to your husband - everything I did was wrong or bothered him. The dogs annoyed him too. I found that trying to avoid engaging with him was the best strategy. We live in a small house, so it's not too easy to give him a lot of space, but if we were in the bedroom, I'd go into the living room, sit out in the yard if it was nice, or take one of the dogs for a walk, things like that. Trying to explain why I was doing something or otherwise engaging just made things worse.

Fortunately, he would usually come around after some time and apologize. Now he is back at work with a transfer to a different office, so things are improved, fortunately.

Hang in there, hugs!

[BDPpartner]

He has 15 more days on the disruptive meds so hopefully in 3 or so wks things should improve (fingers crossed) but life is horrible right now

[BDPpartner]

So he still has just under a wk to go and things are really miserable. He even blew up at his mum while we were sat having coffee at the coffee shop that she volunteers at she inadvertently triggered him and off he went. His mother is a tiny mild mannered lady who cares for his disabled father who has worse mental illness than my partner. I had to tell him to quiet down and it broke my heart watching him go off at her. Give her her due's she kept her composure as she told him he that he could have waited to tell her off til they were alone and excused himself to return to work with tears in her eyes. I told him he was in the wrong and that he had hurt her before following her out the back to apologize and throw my arms around her I struggled to stay so composed and had to wipe tears from my face. He has acknowledged he was in the wrong but has not said sorry another trait that he has in common with his father The following day it was my turn to face his verbal assault.

It's bad enough day to day having to watch out for his mood swings but for the last 6 or so wks I feel like I have been walking through broken glass barefoot while carrying an elephant ! And to top it off I found out yesterday that a friend I haven't seen for a while died without any warning. Late 20's went to sleep and just didn't wake up!! My partner listened to me talk about it and cry for literally a minute then told me we'd be better off changing the subject, no cuddle no sorry do you need to take some time for yourself

Gosh, so much stress for you! Thinking of you. xo

[BDPpartner]

I am stressed and at every turn there seems something else and unfortunately this is my only way of getting it out, but I do feel awful for just moaning and feeling sorry for myself

Thinking of you...keep posting

[rechu]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

He has 15 more days on the disruptive meds so hopefully in 3 or so wks things should improve (fingers crossed) but life is horrible right now

I guess he must no longer be on the medication. Has he improved? I hope so!!

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by rechu

I guess he must no longer be on the medication. Has he improved? I hope so!!

Hi my partner is now off the medication and his mood swings are less intense, he still isn't quite back to normal but unfortunately his physical health is deteriorating again so I'm terrified when we see his specialist that he could be put on a second lot or worse a low maintenance dose for life but must not jump ahead of myself one day at a time. He has try to be supportive for me in the last couple of days following two bereavements, even suggesting that we have an afternoon at the beach with the dogs yesterday.

Maybe things are returning to normal

[rechu]

Well, I am glad things are looking up somewhat.

Husband got a nail in a tire that he realized when leaving work. He tried to call me to ask the address of the place we have taken the car to when something similar before. I had forgotten my phone charging in the bedroom and didn't answer, so when he got home he was in a terrible mood. At least once he took the car in, they fixed it quickly and he was fine. Still, some days seem like one step forward, 2 steps back.

[BDPpartner]

My other half actually says of himself it's 10 steps forward and 9 back, as he suddenly seems to have a great patch where life just seems to get better and better but it always ends in a horrific set back.

And the way they can switch moods on and off at what seems a flick of the switch. Walking from the car to the house last night we were happy and talking step in the door he is suddenly quite and brewing up and boom I'm a ***** again!!! It literally was no more than 30 seconds the time that elapsed between this huge swing :|

[rechu]

Yes. It can really change on a dime here too!

Yesterday was tough again and today's not looking any better. We've had a few things go wrong (things breaking, he hurt his ankle) and he can't deal so he gets mad at me.

He used to be able to, but lately his ability to cope with everyday annoyances has gone out the window. The start of it all was his work problems last year, but it had gotten better. Work is a part but he has been transferred to a different office.

There are going to be layoffs at his work soon. I kind of hope he gets laid off. He'd get severance and unemployment, which would give him the time to find something better.

I have to drive him to a check up for his ankle. Definitely not looking forward to that.

Hugs and take care.

[BDPpartner]

Sorry it's taken a while for me to reply, things here are stressful. We are in the process of moving house and although my partner has been the driving force behind it as it gets closer he is struggling with the stress. He has practically taken to his bed leaving me to call in help from my family. I'm going to have to go back onto medication to ensure I don't sink

[rechu]

So sorry you are still having a tough time. We took a trip last week that was supposed to be a time for us to relax, but in the end it was a mess.

My gut instinct was just to reserve a place at the beach that we liked when we stayed there a few years ago to minimize surprises/problems. I stupidly let him convince me that we should take off in the car and see where we ended up. The first few places we wanted to stop off turned out to be absolute dumps. We found a town where we might have wanted to stay, but the hotels that looked nice were closed.

We ended up driving a lot further than we planned. The city where we finally found a place to stay was half shut-down even though it was the day after a long holiday weekend and a lot lof people take extra days off. There was nowhere but an expensive casino to eat at night, and most restaurants/pubs that we tried to go to were out of everything. We went to a brew pub that had no beer on tap and a fish restaurant that had only 2 types of fish. The drive home was no prize either.

So, he was grouchy pretty much the whole time. It was exhausting.

How did the move work out?