[chevygoals]

Saturday night after finding out my partner who recently we've been having a strain on our relationship. Decided to go out without informing me of this till I asked. We usually communicate what the other is doing just so we know. Especially if one is at work. Well we both were working that night, I was off to do a catering event, she was off to work her shift as a host. Well I guess she got off early and decided to go out with a mutual friend to the LGBT club to see an old friend from New York perform. I was still at the catering that evening. I text let her know I might be done early instead of staying to work till midnight or so. She asked what time I thought would be the time I'd be getting off. I said around an hour or so, I'd assume she was at work or at home since I didn't hear other wise, but found it weird she was texting back so quick. So I asked if she was at work or at home. She responded with she was out seeing a performance with a friend. If you have read any of my previous post you would understand how confusing this is all really. I told her ok that I would find my on way home and to have fun and I'd see her in the morning. Honestly it hit me then that all the effort and all the time I've been putting in to save this relationship that has been on a thread for the past 2 in a half weeks was at it's end. It was my line that had been crossed. Her response was ok, and that was it. I was devastated because one through out the course of us dating never has she gone to the LGBT clubs with out me or never seemed interested to go with friends. Two the lack of care was like ok great bye see you when I see you. I again have had trouble with anger issues and all that did was not make me angry but devastated me. She was acting as she was single and she didn't care what it did to me. I talked to a friend that night who has a bother that struggles with BD as well and she was helping me cop. I told her I felt like that was the last leg I had to stand on and I was officially giving up. She had the cards and she played them or will play them when she got home and I'd just have to deal. Well she got home and set up the couch as her bed I went to talk to her, she seemed a little drunk. I told her that night I learned 3 things ONE love isn't forced TWO I reiterated that I've said this before I've seen the best of her and I've seen the worst of her and I choose both and THREE I can't be the punching bag anymore. We exchanged a few words like she said so you are mad because I left with out telling you anything because you like to be in control. I told her it's not about control I don't care what she does, I've encouraged her to go out before get out the house have fun do you enjoy. I don't want you by my hip 24/7. The fact is we are still in a relationship and that should be respected if not then just tell me so I can deal and start my process of moving forward. She didn't say much she started dosing off so I let her be. I woke up the next morning still so hurt about her actions. She apologized and said she didn't mean to make me mad. I told her I was never mad never I was devastated. I told her out of all the years we have been together I've never had to question her loyalty but that night a bit of insecurity kicked in. It blew my mind, because I could never see myself doubting her and I did. We went to work she acted extra nice to me and was trying to talk I was still lost and hurt. She dropped me off and I hugged her usually I'd say I love you but I was just so hurt. I walked in to my job and went about my business. She text me later around the time I usually get off and asked if I wanted to watch I movie. I'm just like sure, she asked if deep water horizon was ok, my response was short simple ok. Then she asked if I was off? Again response short yeah. She came to pick me up and then she crawled in my lap and said she was sorry cried and said she feels like she is going crazy. I hold her so tight because I've been yearning for this moment and I've missed it so much. We cried and she said it's going to be hard not easy but her heart is still in it. Idk honestly how I feel, I feel happy, confused, I'm a little skeptical, I'm like is this a dream???? I told her I still want to go to counseling together. She said yes right now it's like every day life but still with an over cloud of what has happened. I'm so overwhelmed lost and all of the above. If any opinions or guidance you have I'm open to any.

[Skeezyks]

Hello chevygoals: Thank you for sharing your experience. There's really not much I can say here. But I saw no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

I'm an old man (well... it's complicated...) But, anyway... I've been married for 37 years. (My wife's accomplishment... not mine.) And the one thing I know is that keeping a romantic relationship going over the long haul requires an enormous amount of compromise & forgiveness! Of course, open communication certainly helps a lot. So the fact that you & your partner plan to go to counseling together is to be celebrated! The simple passage of time also offers a small amount of a healing effect.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though you & your partner really are committed to one another. Sometimes it can take an incident, such as the one the two of you just went through, to bring that to light. Perhaps that is the silver lining hidden within this particular cloud. I wish you both well...

[chevygoals]

Thank you so much!!!! I'm trying to keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions or assumptions.