[leomama]

I did not know my ex husband had sociopathic and narcissistic traits when I married him, I only knew he had untreated bipolar and was a chronic substance abuser.

Now that Ive been free and clear of that marriage for a decade I'm starting to think about my future: do I consciously want to be in a relationship with a person with a personality disorder? Does anybody? Would anybody choose that?

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. Has anyone willingly allowed them self to be in a relationship with a person who has a personality disorder?

I've read in other communities that once you've been in a relationship with a personality disorder you see traits everywhere .

Has anybody experienced this?

Hope this made sense.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I tend to seek out people with personality disorders. Why? They're not boring.

[leomama]

I used to think this however now I'm at the point where I'm going to ask for a psych eval from my next partner. Since I now teach other people how not to walk on eggshells it would not be in my best interest to put myself in that position again. First relationship shame on him, second relationship shame on me. I do not want to repeat my history.

[Mygrandjourney]

I guess that the hopeful thing is that there are plenty of articles written regarding how to spot a narcissist, borderline, dependent, etc. They all have their appeal (ie, not boring), but the relationships end up burning us out.

[BDPpartner]

I knew my partner had mental health issues when I met him, he was honest with me from the beginning and I entered into our relationship with my eyes open.
I'm not saying that it's easy, in fact there are times when I don't think I can cope with anything more but we love each other and are best friends as well.

[TishaBuv]

You can only meet someone and cautiously give them a chance. You just have to look for red flags and listen to them.

If you ask someone for a psych evaluation, you'll scare them off. Asking for an AIDS test is scary enough (I once did that).

Only people who have been diagnosed with PD's can even tell you they have one. Most people don't go to therapy and don't even think there's anything wrong with them.

[TishaBuv]

If I actually do have a PD (traits of BPD?), then yes, I'd choose to be the partner of someone like me, 'cause I'm pretty awesome.

[Zenbass]

I have BPD, there are a huge variety of personality disorders. To generalize like that...well it's pretty hurtful to people like me who have worked very hard NOT to be what you described.

I'm a good person, and i will only become better as i work on my recovery. I hope someday to have a healthy relationship with someone who loves me for who i am, so yes i would choose to be with someone like me.

[wildflowersinmytea]

My abusive father has narcissistic traits, I was co-dependent. I married my H not knowing he had BPD. I love him in spite of it but it's an extremely hard road and I left him when the symptoms were unchecked. I don't think any rational person wants to be subjected to those symptoms from their partner. If I had been aware, I would not have married my H unless his symptoms were all well-treated and under control.

[leomama]

I think you're right.

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by Zenbass

I have BPD, there are a huge variety of personality disorders. To generalize like that...well it's pretty hurtful to people like me who have worked very hard NOT to be what you described.

I am sorry that you find some of the comments within this thread pretty hurtful and I can say that when I post it is a personal opinion based on my experiences within my relationship and never met to cause upset......
But as a support forum for partners of those with PD's I personally do vent my anger and frustration which inadvertently may cause yourself or others to feel as you describe for that I apologize.

Perhaps you may find it helpful to visit the Personality Disorder threads which are for those with the diagnosis only, my partner finds it very helpful to be able to interact with people who understand his struggles.

Good luck on your road to recovery

[Pinetree487]

Dont feel like you have to evaluate potential spouses, but pay attention to your gut feelings. There are varying degrees of personality disorders. The main thing is to love yourself enough to be able to get out of any relationship quickly that is causing you harm. Like, sometimes it takes years to spot a narcissist, but a warning sign is when you can tell that their compliments are more flattery than from the heart. In that case, get out before it gets bad, listen to your gut.