[Futurestreet]

Hi, I have been dating a man for almost 2 years and we are mostly very happy. However, about once every 6 weeks, sometimes more, he will have a depressive episode which comes on suddenly and without warning where he has a drastic mood change. It usually lasts 1-3 days, although it has gone on for up to a week. During these episodes he becomes suddenly very concerned and bothered about what other people think of him, and gets angry very easily. He is also very prone to drinking alcohol and getting drunk during these episodes (although that is not always the case.) My normally very sweet, wonderful guy becomes angry and critical of me, repeats himself (things like "nobody is going to play me for a fool") and threatens to leave. He will do things like loose or break his phone, have a fender-bender, get a speeding ticket, get in an argument with someone, etc, and is generally in a very volatile state. It is terrible to be around him.

These episodes come on very suddenly and leave just as quickly. The other day during one we were driving in the car and he was depressed, angry, and feeling hopeless. I dropped him off to pick up his car, and 15 minutes later when he got home, he was completely back to normal. He even said, "look honey, it's me again!" That particular episode lasted a little less than two days.

In between episodes he is very even-tempered, funny, hard working, engaged and happy with life. His energy level is normal, not elevated. He has no serious stresses in life currently. We live and work together and have a fairly stable life except for this. Sometimes we laugh about it, I call him the Werewolf, as it is like he transforms into a monster, although not having to do with the full moon!

From the research I have done about Bipolar Disorder, it seems like there must be a depressive and manic episodes, but what is it if there is no manic episode?
Can anyone help me to understand what is going on?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Futurestreet: Mental health diagnosis is a job for professionals. So really, what needs to happen here is for your bf to see a mental health professional who can help him to figure out what is going on with him. However, perhaps some other members, here on PC, will have some suggestions to offer.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Futurestreet]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Futurestreet: Mental health diagnosis is a job for professionals. So really, what needs to happen here is for your bf to see a mental health professional who can help him to figure out what is going on with him. However, perhaps some other members, here on PC, will have some suggestions to offer.

Thanks but Hell would have to freeze over before he would see a "professional" about this. Which is why I am here, hoping someone could direct me where to do some more research since it doesn't seem to fit the description of Bipolar. He is willing to let me help him and listen to what I have to say, but a stranger, no matter what letters they have behind their name, never!

[Shazerac]

I'm playing devils advocate here but let's say you do all kinds of research? You still can't diagnose him, only a professional can do that. And if he is depressed or bipolar you can't treat him either. Also if he refuses to seek help it's kind of a moot point what is wrong with him. I wish you luck in a difficult situation.

[Sometimes psychotic]

I agree you won't get very far without a pro option and treatment....lets say he had borderline personality disorder.....where would you go with that? To a therapist. We could sit here and speculate all day. Frankly irritation is often part of mania so I wouldn't rule out bipolar which requires medication....I don't even know if anything else that works for that. You need to convince him to see s pro or see one for your own sanity in dealing with him.

[Moogieotter]

Hello Futurestreet,

Welcome to PC. Sorry you are struggling with your boyfriend. You have some great perspective from the other posters in this thread so far. I would like to zero in on the alcohol abuse. Mood, Personality, and Anxiety disorders are all difficult to diagnose in an individual who is abusing alcohol. Abuse for most medical definitions is more than 4 drinks in a 24 hour period.

Do you ask him to control his drinking? How is that received? He could be a binge drinker, which would explain precisely his behavior - the episodes of negativity, depression, and anger, followed by alcohol abuse.

How old is your fella? If he is carrying this immature behavior into his 30s and matches this with a resistance to any sort of assistance from a professional, what is left for you to do other than accept him and hope he will change? Maybe you are ok with this or maybe you are not.

I hope you are getting some answers and not trying to take on too much without the right help. Good Luck,

moogs

[Mygrandjourney]

Hi: I am sorry that you have to experience this with someone that you love and care about. I agree with the previous posters that your boyfriend should at the very least get a professional evaluation and consultation. Once the initial evaluation and recommendations are done, it is up to him as to whether or not he follows through. From what you have described (fender benders, substance abuse, etc), he may very well end up with treatment being court ordered, which could be a blessing in disguise. That being said, someone who is in denial, may only engage in treatment while they are mandated to and may very well stop treatment as soon as they have met the mandated requirement.
I know from my work in recovery, that there is a program called "CRAFT", which focuses on sound behavioral psychology regarding motivating a loved one to seek the help that they obviously need. The authors of the program are Robert Meyers and Brenda Wolfe.
An additional option is NAMI. They typically have state chapters and education/support for the loved ones of those with mental health/cooccuring disorders.
In summary, I believe you should have a plan for yourself and your own well being during your boyfriend's "episodes". Having a safe, nurturing place to go to when this happens may have benefits for you both.
Best of luck and Happy Holidays!

[Cyllya]

Normally, depressive episodes only would be (recurrent) major depressive disorder, but like bipolar, the episodes are supposed to be longer. Length aside, what you describe sounds a bit different than a depressive episode. It almost sounds manic, but even more so, it sounds like episodes of psychosis? Mainly delusions (paranoia).

Any of those problems can be caused by drugs, both recreational and medical.

I'm not sure if there are any diagnostic labels for short occasional psychotic episodes with no other problems. (There's probably some kind of "other psychotic disorder" that a mental health professional would use for billing, treatment decisions, etc., but that probably doesn't help you much if you're looking for informative self-help articles or whatever.)

[lizardlady]

If your boyfriend will not see a mental health provider, would he consider seeing his primary care doc about what is going on? You could broach it from the perspective of getting checked out to see if there is a medical condition causing these changes.

[mama pajama]

Does he acknowledge that he acts different sometimes? If so, that's awesome!! The people in my life like that say they are the normal ones and only act that way because they're provoked. I also was this way until I was on the receiving end of that behavior! That opened my eyes completely.