Supporting my spouse

I married my wife about a year ago and we had a baby 9 weeks ago. Unfortunately my wife had a very difficult pregnancy and she almost died giving birth (post c-section hemorrhage). She has Bipolar 2 with Rapid Cycle and mixmania. After birth she's been experiencing post-partum depression and that I believe has thrown her bipolar out of wack. She's tried different treatments since she was diagnosed with partial, temporary or no success. She is also considered treatment resistant and we are currently waiting to try Ketamine treatments.

I'm posting here because I feel powerless. I don't know how to help anymore, she barely leaves the house, goes to bed in the morning, she hasn't been able to take care of the baby, and wakes up late in the evening/afternoon in what she describes in a mixmanic state. She constantly fights with me about what I did, could have done or will possible do in the future. She is paranoid about me cheating on her and believes that I've lied to her. I'm going to school, working(from home), taking care of her, and taking care of the baby. She doesn't believe I love her (on an off) and she thinks that I'm with her for other reasons that love. Also, during the mixmanic episodes she suicidal thoughts and a few times has become violent (physically).

I'm trying very hard to keep my cool and be there for her. I giving 110% to help and while I logically understand that when she is mixmanic it's not her but the illness who's talking, however sometimes it's too much. Sometimes, I react by getting upset to her accusations and having to go over what has been discussed and argued already. I'm also very stressed taking care of the baby alone only gives at most 4-5 hours /night of sleep, in addition to having to perform 100% at work and school.

Going to the dr has become impossible and going to a hospital she thinks it wouldn't help. So i'm here because I don't know what to do anymore, I feel sad and completely powerless. Does anyone has suggestions?

First congratulations. I'm in a mixed state now. My husband could have wrote this w/o the baby part. Has she ever tried an anti psychotic? I know the baby is young but can someone watch him/her for a few hours while you take a nap or take your wife on a date? Why is the Dr. impossible? She might do well in an intensive out patient program. What about therapy, even family therapy? It's quieter at night so it's easier, at least for me. I know the baby is young but is childcare an option?

Hello lv10: I'm sorry you & your wife find yourselves to be in this most difficult situation. I don't have anything to offer in the way of suggestions. But I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Would your employer allow you to take some time off? Do you have FMLA benefits?

I had post-partum depression and attempted suicide when my son was ten days old. My (ex) husband had to take two weeks off from work to be at home with us.

Your wife is an adult. As such, she has a responsibility to be actively engaged in managing her bipolar disorder and her post-partum depression. That means keeping her doctors' appointments. That means having a schedule for the week with goals and being able to say, "Here's what I did this week to make progress toward my goals." She might have a goal of spending one hour per day caring for the new baby.

No one gets to say, "I just don't feel like doing anything, so I won't be doing anything." That's not just being depressed. That's being entitled.

Your story sounds a lot like mine, just the details are different.

I can't handle the accusations and the blame. She accuses me of things so horrible, that if they were true, I couldn't live with myself.

She has definitely affected my own sense of who I am as a person in a negative way.

I can fight back against the accusations in my head, but after years go by, that stuff starts to stick. She's repeated these stories so many times that it's now hard for me to even know what's true anymore.

She is in between meds right now, she had to stop taking one because of an allergy.

It is horrible. Your story just sounded so familiar.

I am in a very similar situation, where my partner is constantly citing her depression as a reason for being as abusive as she is. I tend to agree with you on the fact that as an adult you still have certain responsibilities to those around you. Being ill does not give you a golden ticket to act, do and say as you please without any consequences. She lays the guilt trip on me heavily for this and keeps on saying that I don't care or understand how she is feeling. I do care and whilst I really cannot fully comprehend exactly what she is going through, I do still feel that a certain amount of common decency should apply.

After a while of not posting here I'm back. I was at such a loss, with my hands full and my heart broken that I didn't post back.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I hope things got better and you found a solution. Medication changes are super tough, my wife is going through one right now and it's hell, very similar to what I originally described but with a now 5 yr old.