[bertieb]

My adult stepson is living with us now because he has depression. He dropped out of college last year and has not worked or gone to school for a year now. He was going to a therapist for awhile, then stopped then started a new one in August. She keeps saying he just needs more time. The problem for me is I see no indication of his depression except he keeps clothes in his floor and my husband noticed the other day there was no soap in his shower so he was bathing without soap. Otherwise he seems content and happy. I know what is on the outside isn't what is on the inside, but it would sure help my compassion to see what is on the inside sometimes. It is hard to not get frustrated dealing with someone who just appears to be enjoying playing video games, playing with the dogs and watching tv. He laughs at shows, watches sports, makes himself snacks and drinks several beers when we buy it and offer him some. He is sometimes condescending with his dad and thinks he is smarter because he was in college studying physics and dad doesn't have a college degree. The only thing he has really said he is feels like he's stuck in a hole now with his student loans and behind on his degree and he doesn't know how to get out. Of course my husband has said we will help with that but there was no further talk or reply since. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole too. How can someone live 400+ days like this and not be bored or want to go for a walk or somewhere? How can you watch your family go out everyday and work jobs and buy you food and cook your meals and not at least say I hope I feel like helping you guys soon, or I appreciate all you are doing to help me? Thanks for the place to vent.

It must be frustrating to witness a loved one being stuck. My heart goes out to you.

There are many different ways people experience depression. At my worst, I had stopped eating, caring for myself, was inpatient and had to have ECT done. Some people sleep more, some sleep less. Some people eat more, some eat less.

Honestly to me it sounds like your stepson has gotten himself stuck in a rut, doing the same old activities. He may be able to enjoy these things, but he probably has a low self-esteem from dropping out and not working. Perhaps he keeps these feelings to himself, perhaps he is suffering more than he lets on? It would frustrate me too though, he should be grateful for your support and it must not feel good to not be appreciated.

It is good that he is in therapy. Are he and his therapist setting goals for him, such as helping out with chores around the house, getting a part-time job, or going back to school? Therapy is all fine and good, but if he isn't taking what he learns from sessions and applying it to his real life, it won't do him much good.

If things get bad enough, you could always request that he move out. Ultimately it is you and your partner's home, not his. Sometimes a kick in the rear can be the motivator to start making changes, but hopefully it will not come to that.

[Victoria'smom]

I would require school part time even if it's on the computer. Something to keep him moving and the loan sharks at bay.

[bertieb]

Thank you, unfortunately I DID suggest that and my DH suggested it to him and of course it never happened and DH never follows up. His mom told DH she spoke with his therapist and she said just give him more time before suggesting he get a job or anything, so basically we are where we have been for a year. I do know his therapist told him to get some exercise every day and keep a journal. Idon't know about the journal but I know he won't exercise. Even take a 10 minute walk down the street and my husband doesn't tell him to do that either. Even yesterday, the trash can needed to be brought around the house and my husband said he was going to do it. I told him to let Stepson do it and he said "No, I want to get some fresh air."

Oh, and last I heard there was talk of seeing a psychiatrist instead of therapist but there weren't any appointments for a few months so they just dropped it completely.

Anyway, I am now the one needing help to cope and accept this.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I would require school part time even if it's on the computer. Something to keep him moving and the loan sharks at bay.

[TishaBuv]

Do something radical. Get rid of your tv’s. Watch what happens.

[Victoria'smom]

The best bet is to see both a psychiatrist and a therapist. Is there an Intensive out patient or partial hospitalization program near you?