Hi everyone, I've just joined Psych Central after seeking out info on mental illness in connection with my Dad's past behaviour & this looked like a useful and friendly place. He is now 82 & it was relating to his late 30s, 40s, although he does act strangely now - eg if a car beeps he has a physical reaction and moves his arm in the air or takes his hat off and throws it in the air. He also waves at sheep when we are on a train. It’s so embarrassing (but hillarious). We boarded a train recently and two Chinese girls were in our reserved seats and he said loudly "next stop China" and laughed, looking around for signs of laughter (he couldn't see how this is racist). I suspect it was a reaction to stress as they were in our seats. He avoids confrontation/most communication with others.


My post is out of a curiosity rather than my emotional needs as I consider myself a strong, forgiving and understanding and hold no bitterness, nor do I need closure or apologies, but have just started to really analyse, mainly because my brother who I am close to (looks so much like Dad) has some traits of some personality disorder (excessive spending mainly).


Dad got blame for everything when a child and felt his brother was loved more. His brother was successful but Dad could never hold down a job. He was affected by his parents’ divorce. He also married age 19 and his wife had a baby who died a few month’s old. She also died a year later. This could have triggered his mental illness because he was ok when met Mum.

Dad’s positives growing up - fun, creative, took us on long walks, made board games and played with us, great sense of humour, loves chess so can focus for long periods.

Dad’s negatives growing up – dark moods, angry (also shouted a lot at kids playing football nearby); strange beliefs – eg backed wrong horse because one of us walked past (he used to say things like you interfered with my extension or something similar which reminds me of throwing his hat in the air at an external event). A sign he should back a certain horse could be from the TV or a headline in the paper (sounds to me like Schizoid personality disorder in that sense). On 2 occasions he threatened to kill me/us (once I took a photo of him and Mum on holiday smiling, then he noticed barbed wire behind and got angry), other time I just recall him saying he would kills us all in our beds during a temper episode. Apart from these isolated incidents I felt safe.

I used to dread coming home from school - eg once Dad was knocking the brick fireplace down in the living room; another he was in the rain digging bushes up in the garden and bringing them in the house. Mum loved her garden and he would distroy it (I always thought this wasn’t him being malicious but huge energy he had to get rid of). He would be knee deep in mud just digging and moving mud for no reason.

Mum almost had a breakdown, losing a stone in weight. We moved a lot too, leaving my friends behind. I was in a relationship from 16 to 23 who was violent and verbally abusive. I added this because I think if I had a less traumatic upbringing I might have been able to turn to my parents.


When I was older. when having a lie in, he would turn the music up to try get me up or come upstairs, get on top of me, squeezing me hard until I hit him and screamed at him as it was so suffocating. I also used to spit in his face as he would grab me walking past and touch me in places he shouldn’t very quickly and laugh. He never hugged me in a loving way. He just wasn’t capable (could be why I don’t enjoy hugs at all, although gave my daughter plenty). His behaviour could also be very childish (eg making jokes about me being on my period).

He used to paint photos of naked women (in newspapers) and put them in the garden to dry, where neighbours could see too and when he knew I was coming upstairs on the odd occasion he was waiting at the top naked, touching himself. He used to leave pornography in my bedroom and come into my room sometimes (won’t go into detail but he didn’t have sex with me).
I’m not suggesting people with bipolar are sexually abusive so he could have had a mixture of personality disorders or just be an abuser but obviously as he has many other symptoms I wondered if it was related.

We used to find many rambling nonsensical letters addressed to the authorities, enclosing bible verses sometimes. A social worker once came to check we were all ok and Mum just said yes and they never came back. They went to a psychiatrist once but Dad walked out.


Can anyone relate to any of these behaviours please? Dad hasn’t been much of a problem for Mum over past 30 years (no longer moody), other than strange behaviour like mentioned in first paragraph and last year he went onto the external landing of their flat and hung washing out naked (doesn’t have dementia).


I always treat him with respect and kiss him on the cheek when I leave and I know he likes me to show affection like that. Maybe in some way he does feel guilt. I’ll never know.

Sorry for the long post. I tried to cut it down.
Julie

[Skeezyks]

Hello Julie: Thanks for sharing your experiences. I don't know as there is much I could offer in the way of insight into what has been going on with your father. However I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know, of course, if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

Hi Skeezyks - Not sure how long I will stay as it was a spur of the moment signing up as I had this specific issue on my mind but I'm sure I could contribute to other people's posts. Sorry, I will introduce myself on the Introductions forum - thank you - Julie

[tecomsin]

There's a lot going on in your history and probably your best bet to get some insight into what is going on in your family is with a therapist. PC is not about diagnosing and therefor it can't be about figuring out what is due to one thing or another. It's helpful to share and write out your feelings. I mean how did all that make you feel about your father and about yourself?

Originally Posted by tecomsin

There's a lot going on in your history and probably your best bet to get some insight into what is going on in your family is with a therapist. PC is not about diagnosing and therefor it can't be about figuring out what is due to one thing or another. It's helpful to share and write out your feelings. I mean how did all that make you feel about your father and about yourself?

Thank you for your reply Tecomsin. I didn't want someone to diagnose, I was wondering if anyone else had insight - maybe lived with someone or knows someone with similar traits and that's why the reason for more detail. Like I said, majority of the behaviour was so long ago so therapy isn't anything I or my family would need.

I think if I needed some sort of closure or was experiencing any negative feelings , writing all that would have been therapeutic but it was more that I'm just very curious now and have spare time as on my hands to go to the trouble.