I am dying a slow painful death and I can see myself getting closer to it eveyday

Yes, she regrets life. Does this mean you must also?

Why do you think she would be able to act normally to her carers in a nursing home? I think she would yell at them too.

Somehow the tables must be turned. I wish i had advice for you. I left my mother. She did not even act as loudly as yours, but i too felt my body could not take it anymore. It was her or me. If i had stayed, i would have died from stress. But it was easier for me to leave, as she did not take care of me when i was small, my father did.

I think that she may be calmer in a nursing home because she will not have any reasons left to shout, after some time. But I may be completely wrong.

I can't even bear to think of leaving her. In my case, she has brought me up as a single parent. I've seen her working hard and spending her whole time in tension to bring me up. As much as I sometimes hate her for doing what she does to me, I get softened when I see her shouting senseless things, crying sometimes. I hate myself, I hate my life.

I had some hopes and aspirations of a good life when I was smaller. But not now. I've become something of a living dead person, who just finds enjoyment in work, sleep, food and just being with myself.

I can't bear to socialise. I want to, sometimes. But I have become dead inside, it seems. But not bad, in a good way I think. At least I'm functional and that's what matters I think.

She just had a fight with a neighbor downstairs. She had, by mistake (truthfully by mistake) let a bag of trash fall out of the balcony, and it ended up in the driveway below, and a lady from below started shouting to her. She shouted back, argued her way, got into a rage, then I came there and calmed the situation down. She went inside without me telling her to and kept quite.

But I got angry. I know one thing, and it is that that lady (the woman who shouted on my mother) would not have had the courage to shout at my mother if my mother was not behaving like she does every other day. Now, whenever I have to face that lady, I will have to hear out long rants about how my mother behaves, etc. And that's all my mother's fault. I pointed this out to my mother instantly. How can I save her if she is ****ing all things herself? I have no power on others if you're yourself wrong.

Then she started saying bad words to me. She started fighting with me. I put up a fight too, in the hope that she will understand what I'm saying. But NO she will NOT understand. She came up to me and slapped me in the face. I got angry, but I would not have slapped her back, but I know that if I allow her to hit me without me hitting her back, she will increase these things and start hitting me every day. The last time I endured her without hitting back, she started threatening me to hit me with a cricket bat.

So I can't let her hit me. She threatens to break this laptop from which I'm typing this, the only device I have that connects to the internet. If I lose this laptop I don't have money to buy a new one.

The tension in which I'm living, I've become numb now. I just wish I was dead, death seems at least a state in which her shouts will not be able to disturb me at least.

Well, she came in from the confrontation with the neighbor and was quiet. But from that point, it was you who got loud. Did yelling at her make things better? No, it made things worse.

You were anxious to point out it was truly an accident, but still you yelled at her. That doesnt make sense to me. There was no reason, if it was an accident, to yell at her. You were just taking out your anger on her - it is okay to be angry, but not to take it out on another person. You were acting like a mean husband. I dont think thats what you want to do, but that is probably the cultural example you see every day.

You see, I'm worried that if she continues this way, things will escalate one day and she will end up in jail or something. I don't want that to happen. I was trying to point her mistake out to her, that's all.

I was not yelling at the beginning, just saying with force about what she should not do. But she has a habit that she won't listen to anybody that points out her mistake. She won't EVER agree that she is wrong. She is ALWAYS RIGHT. And that's why she does not get better.

I do feel guilty sometimes after yelling at her, but I think I should not, because, SHE KEEPS YELLING AND CURSING AT ME WHENEVER SHE WANTS, FOR NO REASON. Why should I not do it when I have the right reasons to do? I am living with her 24x7 she does not let me go out. She does not even let me go to the gym. I hate my life. And she gets in fights with neighbours every other day. What should I do?

Ummm... cultural example that I see every day? I don't think so. I don't see anybody fighting in their houses except the two of us. This is not our basic culture. It does not even make sense. Why does she have to pick fights with the neighbours every other day?

I have not seen my father since I was 2-3 years old. My mother separated from him when I was that age and we never saw each other. So if you mean, by cultural example, that I have seen my father do it, then no, I've never seen my father behave that way with my mother, just because they've not been together for much long.

And why did she have to slap me in the face? Advance on my as if she was going to kick the hell out of me? What inspires such behaviour in her? I think I know why. Because she does not like hearing her mistake.

No one likes hearing their mistake all the time. But sometimes, you need to accept that you're wrong, otherwise you can't improve. And that's the point. She has been like this from my childhood just because she does not accept her mistakes.