[Talavera]

I'm the mother of a deeply troubled teen.
To the world, she is beautiful & accomplished. She is number 4 in her class, academically gifted, ballroom dancer, used to do print and film work, she's had a job at our local mall for two years and has volunteered with a variety of nonprofits. However, just under the surface lies something deeply disturbing.
On any given day my daughter wants to

Possible trigger:

either commit suicide or murder and cannibalize others. She's told me that she has thought about eating others for years and started around 10.

Over the years her urges have grown. We have a great relationship and she tells me everything, but she held this back till she was about 15. She tried to cope with it herself, hoping it would go away. Her depression and anxiety has gotten so bad that she's going to do school from home till the spring. We have seen 4 therapists. She touched on cannibalism with a few of them Howeverer, they just glossed over it and focused on easy things like the poor relationship with her dad and not having many friends. My daughter says it's like they don't believe her because she isn't this disheveled brooding teen, that ditches school, sets fires, does drugs, .etc
My daughter even says it doesn't feel real at times. We just want to know why and how is she like this? I wish i could afford a brain scan of some sort. I was even looking at ketamine treatment 🤷*♀️ im at a loss.

[Skeezyks]

Thank you for bringing this concern here to PC. Unfortunately I'm not a mental health professional & I can't be of any significant help with what your daughter is experiencing.

I will mention, for what it's worth, that I've had similar experiences with therapists to what you described. As long as one goes in well groomed & acting appropriately there seems to be a presumption, on the part of therapists, that there's really nothing to be seriously concerned about.

I once told a psychiatric nurse practitioner I was seeing that I was having thoughts of killing my spouse. The NP just said I was not going to do that & she moved on to whatever else needed to be talked about... end of discussion. So the way the therapists have treated your daughter sounds perfectly familiar to me... sadly.

You wrote you just want to know why and how is she like this. We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. So we're not going to be able to tell you what is causing your daughter to have the thoughts she's having. While you mentioned your daughter having seen 4 therapists, you didn't mention if she's been evaluated by a psychologist or seen by a psychiatrist. If not perhaps seeking out those kinds of services might be another step to take. My personal prejudice is that, at least with regard to any mental health therapists I ever saw, they would not have had the skills to deal with something as serious as you describe.

Anyway... these are my thoughts with regard to your post. Perhaps other PC members will have insights they can offer. My best wishes to both you & your daughter.

[Skeezyks]

I don't know if this can be of any help. But since you mentioned how bad your daughter's depression & anxiety have become, here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of psychotic depression:

Psychotic Depression

I don't know if this link will work for you. Hopefully it will. (It's not working for me presently.) However, if not, perhaps you can find the article in the archives yourself.)

[~Christina]

Have you taken her to see a psychiatrist??

It’s possible a medication could be helpful while trying to find a more suitable a Therapist. Are you near a University?? Often times they have someone that is better qualified for deal with feelings your daughter has.

I hope you find help for her soon

[Misterpain]

Originally Posted by Talavera

I'm the mother of a deeply troubled teen.
To the world, she is beautiful & accomplished. She is number 4 in her class, academically gifted, ballroom dancer, used to do print and film work, she's had a job at our local mall for two years and has volunteered with a variety of nonprofits. However, just under the surface lies something deeply disturbing.
On any given day my daughter wants to

Possible trigger:

either commit suicide or murder and cannibalize others. She's told me that she has thought about eating others for years and started around 10.

Over the years her urges have grown. We have a great relationship and she tells me everything, but she held this back till she was about 15. She tried to cope with it herself, hoping it would go away. Her depression and anxiety has gotten so bad that she's going to do school from home till the spring. We have seen 4 therapists. She touched on cannibalism with a few of them Howeverer, they just glossed over it and focused on easy things like the poor relationship with her dad and not having many friends. My daughter says it's like they don't believe her because she isn't this disheveled brooding teen, that ditches school, sets fires, does drugs, .etc
My daughter even says it doesn't feel real at times. We just want to know why and how is she like this? I wish i could afford a brain scan of some sort. I was even looking at ketamine treatment * im at a loss.

Ketamine isn't for casual use ,just because doctors see it as a current "cash cow" treatment ,with few regulations to stop them ,doesn't mean it's harmless.

We know from following long term recreational users and people who have had alot of surgical use ,it causes bladder wall scarring and permanent loss of continence , they don't talk about that side effect much ,even at known sub therapeutic dosage it like alcohol,barbituates,benzodiazepine etc can disinihibit ,as well as sometimes further psychosis or pschodelic effect when it shouldnt ,so unless you want to experiment with your daughters future,stay away from the drugs. There are notable examples in criminal history where the individual went from "normal"to homicidal when a used substance caused disinhibiting and they then acted on the feelings they previously kept as "harmless" fantasy .

So please stay away from drugs unless you have multiple physicians recommending the same course of treatment involving a disinhibiting drug or substance .
I am not Physician ,don't play one on TV and didn't stay at a certain hotel chain last night ,but I do read alot including professional medical journals ,and have a great time debating modern medicine with doctors ,just as I debate Catholicism with priests ( priests have to tow the Vatican line but are ordinary people "off the clock" and can be fascinating to find out there own personal beliefs about things ) so this isnt medical advice ,or Theology teachings ,i am not qualified to have an opinion to bankroll a house in the Hamptons but i wish i was !so this is just consumer information picked up "near where the water cooler used to be " .LOL
I wouldn't say skip the therapist ,but it sounds like you need at minimum a skilled Psychologist who may refer you to a child Psychiatrist.

[TunedOut]

I am sorry you about your predicament (to say the least, I am at a loss for the words to express how troubling this must be for you).

The one positive thing about this situation is that you recognize that she has a problem prior to her turning 18. Once someone turns 18, if they don't want treatment, you really can't force them. And these situations are such a dilemma because people have a right to live their lives as they choose so long as they don't harm others. That she feels able to tell you these things means she trusts you and we don't want to break trust between ourselves and our children because we love them but we also don't ever want them to harm others or themselves. Also, you have to protect yourself and your own peace of mind because this is a tough situation. I agree that the best thing to do is to find a psychiatrist that if qualified to handle this kind of thing. As mothers, sometimes we are just too close to the problem to evaluate the situation. It might take a while to find the right psychiatrist (I am on my 4th one and she is much better that the previous 3 were), but don't do this all alone. Hugs.

[Talavera]

Originally Posted by Misterpain

Ketamine isn't for casual use ,just because doctors see it as a current "cash cow" treatment ,with few regulations to stop them ,doesn't mean it's harmless.

We know from following long term recreational users and people who have had alot of surgical use ,it causes bladder wall scarring and permanent loss of continence , they don't talk about that side effect much ,even at known sub therapeutic dosage it like alcohol,barbituates,benzodiazepine etc can disinihibit ,as well as sometimes further psychosis or pschodelic effect when it shouldnt ,so unless you want to experiment with your daughters future,stay away from the drugs. There are notable examples in criminal history where the individual went from "normal"to homicidal when a used substance caused disinhibiting and they then acted on the feelings they previously kept as "harmless" fantasy .

So please stay away from drugs unless you have multiple physicians recommending the same course of treatment involving a disinhibiting drug or substance .
I am not Physician ,don't play one on TV and didn't stay at a certain hotel chain last night ,but I do read alot including professional medical journals ,and have a great time debating modern medicine with doctors ,just as I debate Catholicism with priests ( priests have to tow the Vatican line but are ordinary people "off the clock" and can be fascinating to find out there own personal beliefs about things ) so this isnt medical advice ,or Theology teachings ,i am not qualified to have an opinion to bankroll a house in the Hamptons but i wish i was !so this is just consumer information picked up "near where the water cooler used to be " .LOL
I wouldn't say skip the therapist ,but it sounds like you need at minimum a skilled Psychologist who may refer you to a child Psychiatrist.

Very interesting stuff! Not to be taken lightly that's for sure! Thanks for your insight!

[Talavera]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

I am sorry you about your predicament (to say the least, I am at a loss for the words to express how troubling this must be for you).

The one positive thing about this situation is that you recognize that she has a problem prior to her turning 18. Once someone turns 18, if they don't want treatment, you really can't force them. And these situations are such a dilemma because people have a right to live their lives as they choose so long as they don't harm others. That she feels able to tell you these things means she trusts you and we don't want to break trust between ourselves and our children because we love them but we also don't ever want them to harm others or themselves. Also, you have to protect yourself and your own peace of mind because this is a tough situation. I agree that the best thing to do is to find a psychiatrist that if qualified to handle this kind of thing. As mothers, sometimes we are just too close to the problem to evaluate the situation. It might take a while to find the right psychiatrist (I am on my 4th one and she is much better that the previous 3 were), but don't do this all alone. Hugs.

Its a bright spot that she knows something is wrong and that she wants help. Unfortunately my husband's company changed our insurance a few times over the years. It went from full coverage to 50% to no coverage on mental health. Now we have been forced to open a health savings account and we are on the hook for the first $5,000 😠 the caliber of treatment she needs is hard to come by.