Planting Seeds

I was talking with my partner today about how I felt he's been so hypersensitive to my feedback to the point he's reacting with unfair comments against me and in front of our daughters:

"You're being mean"
"You're a hypocrite" .. "You're being a hypocrite"
"You're putting me down"
"Ok, Boss" .. "You're the Boss"
"Tell me exactly what you want me to do"
"What do you want me to do?"
"Lets have it your way"
"You're controlling"
ETC.....

These are just random examples from the top of my head.

He told me this is how he really "feels" and in his opinion, is "factual information".

What concerns me most.. despite how he "feels" about me, he's planting seeds in the girls head that I'm "mean", "controlling", "bossy", and I "put him down".

I feel this behaviour is abusive.. no? It's also quite damaging to how our daughters view me which can form a permanent wedge between us .. kind of like Parental Alienation.

I mentioned I disagreed with his viewpoints and often times, he understands where I'm coming from at a later time (sometimes, days). In the moment he's reactive and defensive (which he agreed) where he's no longer able to hear what I'm saying at all. He often won't even let me finish my thoughts because, either he drowns me out, leaves the room, or says these hurtful comments to deflect a concern (big or small) I bring up.

In our conversation today, I understood the expectation is for me to communicate like a "trained psychiatrist" 100% of the time but will not hold himself to this same standard. When I approach a subject calmly, he'll "detect" an offensive "tone" and react.

His defense is he's trying very hard to just label my "behaviours" without understanding how damaging his reactions are to our daughters.

Just needing someone else's perspective.