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Faechild
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Confused Sep 28, 2020 at 09:19 AM
  #1
Hello all, lately I've been having some issues with my friend who often sleeps over my house. We've known each other a long time and every week we get together and have a sleepover (we're both in our early twenties btw). Everything was more or less fine until recently when my family and I moved to a new house. Now, we still do sleepovers but my friend has a lot of trouble sleeping at my new house. She complains that it's too noisy, that the creaking of people walking overhead bothers her, that their voices bother her, and that the sounds of the house (appliances running, etc.) bother her. Not only that, but the light bothers her as well.

At night we turn off the lights but the light from my PC and from this plug on the wall bothers her. At the same time, she can't stand silence either and needs music or white noise to sleep. Another problem is that I often get tired early and want to go to bed while she wants to stay awake, and also she tends to wake up several times during the night while I sleep right through. Then, the next day, I wake up early while she sleeps in. It's all very frustrating, for both her and me, and I don't understand why she can't just ignore the noises like I do. I feel like I'm sharing a room with the princess from the Princess and the Pea, but I'd never say that to her face. I want to keep having sleepovers with her, but I don't know what to do. This wasn't an issue before, at my old house.

I did suggest earplugs or something like that, but she says she can't sleep with those on. Also another issue the two of us have is that even during the day, when we're both awake, the sound of people walking and talking overhead bothers her. She's afraid of being overheard, even though I've reassured her time and again that no one can hear our conversations. Because of this, we haven't been able to talk as much either or do our normal activities. She stubbornly refuses to trust me and insists that if she can hear other people then they can hear us. I suspect it goes back to her social anxiety, but what can I do? She's never been diagnosed btw, but we both are fairly certain she has social anxiety, along with depression and maybe anxiety in general. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, sorry for the long post, I hope somebody can help though!
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Default Sep 28, 2020 at 10:40 AM
  #2
Dear Faechild,

I read your post. The whole situation you describe must be very draining and demoralizing for you. Even after reflection, I am unable to come up with anything helpful. I would not know what I would do if I was in your place. So very, very sorry I could not be helpful to you in this. Hopefully many others will see your post and respond to it with really practical and helpful ideas. My heart goes out to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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sarahsweets
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Default Sep 28, 2020 at 12:17 PM
  #3
Maybe I am missing something here but this is your place and she lives somewhere else right? With that in mind it is your house and the sleeping arrangements are up to you. If she has a hard time in her own house due to noise and light it is her issue to address. She cant come to your house to sleepover and then put all these conditions on how it works, whats not allowed etc.

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Default Sep 28, 2020 at 03:42 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Maybe I am missing something here but this is your place and she lives somewhere else right? With that in mind it is your house and the sleeping arrangements are up to you. If she has a hard time in her own house due to noise and light it is her issue to address. She cant come to your house to sleepover and then put all these conditions on how it works, whats not allowed etc.
Yeah, it's my house. And yeah, I agree that she has no right to dictate the sleeping arrangements, but at the same time I feel badly that she isn't getting a good night's sleep and I don't want this to strain our relationship or prevent us from having sleepovers. Thank you for your words of support though, I appreciate it.
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