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aces79
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Default Dec 15, 2020 at 07:29 PM
  #1
A mixture of both?

She's 14.

She sees a child psychiatrist and a therapist. She's on her second med , she says meds make her feel worse though. She loves her therapist and looks forwarding to seeing her.

She's always been a bit over dramatic and attention seeking since she was a young child.

Now, she's been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have bipolar disorder and my oldest son has depression so it doesn't surprise me that she also has issues, but, she responds completely differently than we do.

She can be in her room texting me that she's sad or cried herself to sleep last night or wanting to cut herself and then 2 minutes later she comes out of her room laughing.

She'll text me from school sad and crying and wanting to come home because the kids are being mean, she's bisexual and our school sucks, they give her a hard time and make fun of her, anyway, as soon as I text her that I'm coming to get her, the tone of her texts change and she's silly and funny again.

I cannot tell if this all just the way she handles her depression or if some of it is attention seeking.

I know that makes me sound terrible, but we've always had issues to a certain degree with her seeking attention so it stays in the back of my mind.

How do I know what's real? I'm losing my mind. Nothing I do, no suggestion I make helps her depression. She has excuses why she can't try exercise, or reading or meditation, etc. Nothing helps and she's constantly texting me from school with issues. I drop what I'm doing to go get her and she seems fine when I get there.

Advice?

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Default Dec 15, 2020 at 08:03 PM
  #2
Dear aces79,

That sounds so distressing. I wish I had the knowledge, experience and wisdom to be able to help. Do you think it would be helpful to raise your concerns with the therapist who is treating your daughter? Maybe that is a bad idea. Hopefully others here will have better ideas than mine. You deserve relief from the distress that is weighing so heavily upon you!

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Smile Dec 15, 2020 at 09:52 PM
  #3
It's beyond my level of expertise to be able to suggest much of anything specific with regard to this. Personally I'm inclined to say that trying to figure out what's going on in your daughter's head (whether this is her mental illness or attention seeking or both) is a losing battle. My thinking would be to get with the mental health professionals, teachers & school counselors (if any) she sees & work out a behavioral plan for how to consistently respond to the behaviors you're being drawn into over-&-over. Right now your daughter has you pretty-much wrapped around her little finger, so to speak, from the sound of it. You're going to have to come up with a plan to extricate yourself. And, at least to my mind, you're probably going to need some professional help as well as cooperation, hopefully, to accomplish it. Best wishes...
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Default Dec 15, 2020 at 10:13 PM
  #4
What skeezyks said. No matter the cause your constant picking her up from school is only teaching her how to run away from her problems. She needs to develop cooping skills. Just because she makes excuses for why she can’t use them doesn’t mean you must accept she refusal to try them. If she knows you are coming to bail her out she won’t try. Get together with her teachers and school officials and make plans for her to follow. A time out room or place she can retreat to for ten minutes or so. Cooping skills are like any other skill they must be practiced to be learned.

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Default Dec 15, 2020 at 10:56 PM
  #5
I was like that growing up. bipolar 1 was missed. I'd be laughing and joking shortly after being in a really bad places. I'm still like this. I show the wrong affect a lot of times. So I can be laughing and joking and feel terrible. It's how I cope.

If you can get it so she can go to ISS for the rest of the day when things are going sucky for her. Then at least she's marked as there and gets the work? Have it so that she stays after school with a teacher to complete the work that she needs help with. The other option is a 5 year plan so she has a subject / study hall/ subject/lunch/subject/study hall..... The other option is have her in resource room all day studying for her GED.

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Default Dec 16, 2020 at 03:47 AM
  #6
I think even if it is for attention that it is still a part of her mental illness. I have three kids and my youngest is now 17. They all have mental health issues. I have picked my kids up when they were in crisis but I got them into crisis treatment, both of my girls have been in the hospital until they have been stable on meds. Maybe she says the meds make her feel worse because she needs more monitoring while getting stable on them?

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Default Dec 16, 2020 at 09:39 AM
  #7
Thank you all. I was so afraid of the responses I might get. I know that my concerns could come across as not taking my daughter seriously or being a bad mom. I'm really not, I just can't quite figure out what is happening right now.

It's weighing on my own mental health to the point that I run out of "spoons" by lunchtime everyday.

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Default Dec 16, 2020 at 09:39 AM
  #8
She sees her therapist tomorrow and I will definitely mention my concerns to her.

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Default Dec 16, 2020 at 09:45 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I think even if it is for attention that it is still a part of her mental illness. I have three kids and my youngest is now 17. They all have mental health issues. I have picked my kids up when they were in crisis but I got them into crisis treatment, both of my girls have been in the hospital until they have been stable on meds. Maybe she says the meds make her feel worse because she needs more monitoring while getting stable on them?
How do you know when its time to try inpatient?

She claims nothing works, she's cutting herself and says she has suicidal thoughts but no plan to carry it out. We only started treatment in August though and the picking her up from school is usually because the kids are calling her horrible names for not being straight and "normal".

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Default Dec 17, 2020 at 08:22 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by aces79 View Post
How do you know when its time to try inpatient?

She claims nothing works, she's cutting herself and says she has suicidal thoughts but no plan to carry it out. We only started treatment in August though and the picking her up from school is usually because the kids are calling her horrible names for not being straight and "normal".
HI @aces79 . Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry your daughter is facing so many challenges. Unfortunately the insurance and mental health care system respond to crisis not to preventing crisis. Anyone can do inpatient private pay but I think it is $1000's of dollars a day and beyond the reach of most budgets.

To get insurance to pay usually involves when someone is a risk to themselves or others. Working with their mental healthcare person is usually the best way to determine the route to take. As much as we all would love to advise you, it is more than other peers can do. This takes a mental health professional.


These may be of interest
When Should You Consider Hospitalization for Depression?

Helping Your Child Reduce Self-Harming Behavior

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Default Dec 18, 2020 at 01:50 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by aces79 View Post
How do you know when its time to try inpatient?

She claims nothing works, she's cutting herself and says she has suicidal thoughts but no plan to carry it out. We only started treatment in August though and the picking her up from school is usually because the kids are calling her horrible names for not being straight and "normal".
Youh need to let her therapist know ASAP about the self-injury and ideation. They need the information to best be able to help her. They can also determine if she needs to go inpatient.

Hard as it might be, I would encourage you to stop picking her up from school. As Nammu pointed out, she's learning to run from problems. I also question her using her phone while at school in order to text you. Using a phone at school is usually against school rules. What about having her leave the phone at home. If she has to reach you while she's at school she can use the phone in the office.

Could it be that she has bipolar disorder instead of depression? Might explain the mood swings and the meds not helping.
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Default Dec 18, 2020 at 04:41 PM
  #12
I don't think anyone can really say if your child has a mental health issue(s) or is attention seeking or both except for maybe the professionals and they might be wrong. I've had professionals tell me I wasn't suicidal when I was and I've had professionals tell me I was suicidal when I wasn't. So they aren't fool proof. (Not that I was trying to fool them--I was trying to get the appropriate amount of help).


If your child's therapist doesn't know about the cutting please let them know. As a person who is in recovery from self harm and it is a real ***** to quit, it took being inpatient for me to be able to see how serious the self harm was. What helps me (and might help you) is to have a group of ladies I can go to that I can talk to (usually via text) when I am feeling down, upset, or wanting to self harm. And they talk with me and pray with me and it helps me a lot. Is that attention seeking? I don't know. I have to have attention to get the help that I need.


I don't think picking your child up from school frequently is a good answer though. Check with your insurance. They may have a patient advocate or case manager that can help coordinate care (it's usually for a short term amount of time) but they can get everyone on the same track and help with coping techniques and stuff.


If your child says that she feels worse on the meds, she probably does. It might take a combination of medications and some antidepressants have been known to cause suicidal ideas in young people so be cautious of that. Consult the doctor or pharmacist for more information.


Not sure if this was at all helpful. Hope you get some answers and some good ideas on how to help your daughter.

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Default Dec 19, 2020 at 05:14 AM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by aces79 View Post
How do you know when its time to try inpatient?

She claims nothing works, she's cutting herself and says she has suicidal thoughts but no plan to carry it out. We only started treatment in August though and the picking her up from school is usually because the kids are calling her horrible names for not being straight and "normal".
There is no tried and true way of knowing but personally I decided for myself it was time. I got referrals from the school and she started seeing a therapist. When it seemed like that wasnt helping and I knew self harm was either a possibility or happening we took her to a good er (one that had a psyche side) and told them what was going on. When there is a minor involved social workers also work with the families and we told ours that she needed to get stable on meds and safe and we felt we coudnt guarantee her safety if things stayed as they were. We were there overnight where the social workers worked on finding a good place that had a bed and took our insurance. Then we followed the ambulance over to that hospital and filled out the necessary paperwork and then had to say our goodbyes. We went for visitation the very next day and from then on after that. Both my girls did stepdown programs- inpatient to PHO to IOP. It is my belief that calling their "bluff" (even though it wasnt a bluff) was what got them and us serious about taking their mental health seriously and being a part of the solution.

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